Since I do such a stellar job and my own life is perfection itself, I have decided to make my wisdom available to the masses.  I will be happy to address your problems and straighten you out in a minute flat.  No charge, whatsoever, for example:

Dear Auntie Linda,

My mother-in-law hates me.  We have been living with her for three years since we are both in school and only work part time.  Our student loans won’t cover car notes, credit cards, and rent.  She keeps saying we could take the bus, but the people on the bus are losers.  I don’t want to look like a loser.  I think it’s selfish of her to expect us to move out when she’s got this nice, big house all to herself, anyway.  Her snide remarks are starting to get to me.  What can I say to make her like me?

Sweet Sue

Dear Sweet Sue, If you really want her to like you, say, “Thanks for all your help, Mom.  We sold both our fancy cars and got one economy car, negotiatiated for a lower rate on our credit card and cut it up.  We’re each picking up five more hours a week at work and moving into a small apartment close to campus.”  She will love you.

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,

My wife is always too tired to have sex and complains constantly about having to do all the housework and take care of the kids.  Half the time she doesn’t even get my lunch packed right.  Most of the time she’s in sweatpants when I get home.  Am I supposed to work forty hours a week and come home to this?  What do I do?

Mr. Right

Mr. Right,

Try this!  Vacuum!  Nothing is sexier than a man holding a baby and vacuuming!  And no,  you should not be able to get away with just forty hours a week.  I guarantee your wife is up before you and still does at least five more things after you say you’re going to bed.  Give some thought to making your own lunch.  She might just see the error of her ways.

Auntie Linda

Be sure to send me your problems and I’ll get you fixed right up!