Bill

Battery Socks

My brother was an avid deer hunter. That Christmas Mother bought him a gift of battery-powered heated socks. This seemed like a great idea, since deer season fell during cold weather. Bill was up long before dawn, dressing for the hunt. Sadly, the Christmas budget hadn’t extended far enough for the purchase of hunting boots. Never fear. His new socks would keep his feet warm. He layered his clothes down to his fine, new battery socks. To ensure his comfort, he pulled plastic bread bags on over his shoes.

He set up in his deer stand, knowing he’d be comfortable. All went well for a few minutes until the heated socks encased in plastic bread bags made his feet sweat. It felt like ants were eating him up. Frantically, he stripped of bread bags, shoes, and his fine, new battery-powered socks, leaving him standing on the cold, cold ground with his sweaty feet. What a treat for a frosty morning!

Kathleen Carries On Part 9 or It Couldn’t Be Helped

“It could’t be helped” Mother employed this phrase to excuse herself whenever she messed up. Since she was a ditz and a world-class procrastinator, it came in really handy. In her defense, with five children and a demanding husband, she always had too many things on her list.

On the most memorable occasion, my brother had been gifted a handsome suit. The whole family was pleased for him. The trousers were unhemmed, as was common at that time. They hung in his closet awaiting Mother’s attention for several days. Alas, an elderly neighbor died and Bill was asked to serve as pallbearer. The funeral was to be the next day. The new suit would be put into service.

“Mother, I need my new suit for Granny’s funeral. Can you hem it?” he asked.

“Okay, but I’ll need you to try it on so I can measure it. We’ll get it after a while.” They both moved on to other things. The lonely suit hung in the closet some more while they went about their business.

Daddy announced he and Mother were to visit with the bereaved that evening. They didn’t get home till after ten.

Bill was in a panic about his trousers. “Mother, you’ve got to hem my suit! The funeral is at two tomorrow!”

“There’s plenty of time in the morning. I’ll get it then.” She was exhausted.

Not surprisingly, the house was bedlam the next morning. Finally, about ten-thirty, it was suit-hemming time. Mother told Bill to put the pants on so she could measure. By this time, he was frustrated and mad. “I don’t have time to try them on!”

Annoyed at his impertinence, she vacillated. “Well, just hold them in front of yourself and show me where you want the hem.” Irritated, he held them to his waist. “Now where do you want the hem?” He bent and pointed. She snipped. He rushed to the shower while she hemmed and pressed.

In a few minutes, he called out. He was all dressed except for his trousers. She bragged on her neat job as she hurried the pants back to him. In minutes, with a face like a thundercloud, he was out to model the new suit. He was fully dressed in jacket and tie, even down to shoes and socks. The trouser hems were fully three inches above his socks. He looked like Tom Sawyer in knee breeches! Everybody sat in shocked silence. The suit was ruined! Mother looked at Bill in the suit she’d just destroyed and excused herself.

“Well, it couldn’t be helped.” Out of shock, the room exploded in guffaws. It was obvious there had been so many ways “it could have been helped!”

Bumps in the Road Part 13

Kathleen was dressed to the nines when Bill got in the next evening. “Let’s go out to supper!” I got paid! His mood was contagious. Kathleen made sure no one else wanted the bathroom, cleaned the tub, and drew him a bath. She laid out his washcloth and soap on the edge of the tub and put his towel and underwear on the toilet seat. Pleased with herself, she told Bill his bath was ready. He was delighted. “Nobody’s ever done for me this way before. You are quite a girl.” Kathleen was so happy to have been a “good wife.”

After he bathed and dressed they walked downstairs together to pay the rent. He turned on the charm for Mrs. Martin “I heard you got worried about the rent. You know I ain’t gonna forget about my best girl.” he teased.

“Oh now! You know better than that. I knew payday was today and you’d catch me up.” The rent went straight in her apron pocket! She cut a look at Kathleen.

Never one for a confrontation, though Kathleen was miffed, she let it go. Not twelve hours ago, the old bat was dunning her. Laughing, Bill hurried her out. An older black truck pulled up as they stepped off the porch. It was Bill’s friend, Bobo and his girlfriend, Lucy. Bobo was as friendly as a speckled pup. Lucy admired Kathleen’s yellow dress.”Ooh! I love your yellow dress! I got one exactly like it ‘cept it’s blue.” Bobo and Lucy were a comical looking couple like Jack Sprat and his wife.

“Bill, maybe you ought’a drive. I already had a couple of nips.” I don’t want to git in no trouble. Bill slid under the steering wheel, Kathleen next to him. Bony Bobo took his place on the passenger’s side. The portly Lucy hoisted herself on his lap, squashing him. A prolonged “oof!” escaped him. Kathleen who only weighed about a hundred pounds, felt sympathy for the poor guy.

“Do you want me to sit on your lap?” she questioned him, meaning trade places with chubby Lucy.

“Oh God no! “ he squeaked crushed under his girl. “Lucy here is already way too heavy all by herself!”

Laughing hysterically, their evening got off to a merry start.

Bumps in the Road Part 11

Powdered and perfumed, Kathleen was all dolled up when Bill got in. “You sure are pretty,I’m a lucky man, “ he said as he hugged her.” “We better get down to supper before they hog it all up!” She was still bashful about eating in front of him, so she just ate a little jello and salad. “Do you want my meatloaf?”she offered, though her stomach was growling.

“Sure, if you’re not gonna eat it.” The platter was making its second round and the last slice was going on Edward’s plate. Though Mrs. Martin laid a generous table, with six hungry men, everything was gobbled up down to the last biscuit. When she brought out the fried pies, Kathleen smiled and passed hers over to Bill.

“Are you sure?” he asked, though it was already half gone. “You sure don’t eat much.” It was so gratifying that he’d noticed.

They took their coffee back to the room, promising to bring the cups back. Kathleen was looking forward to another romantic evening. She hung her dress up to air and slipped into a light gown and duster.

“Kathleen, do you have any of that five dollars left? I want to go play poker with the boys and all I have is two bucks and change.” Kathleen was shocked at his wanting the money back, and for poker of all things. Her daddy would never have played poker!

“Uh, I have $1.46. Let me get my purse.” She dug the money out. He was out the door.

She was devastated. Bill had taken the last of their money to play poker! Why would he do that? Coming from a home where every penny was precious, she couldn’t imagine how he could just throw money away. She was angry and scared. Who had she married?

Bumps in the Road Part 10

Heat monkeys danced on the blacktop ahead of the bus bumping its way toward Box Elder. Kathleen avoided a plate-sized puddle of melted tar as she stepped off the bus. She didn’t want that on her new white sandals. Despite her care, they were dusty soon enough. The boarding house was a good quarter mile from the main highway. Cotton grew on both sides, as far as she could. The heat and humidity in East Texas were palpable by early July. She wished she’d gotten back earlier. She peeked in on Mrs. Martin and found her headed to her room for a nap. “Honey, if you want some lunch there’s egg salad and fried pies left from the men’s lunches. I’m gonna hang this sweaty dress in the doorway to air while the men are out and try to catch a little nap, but they ain’t a breath of a breeze.”

“Oh no, I’m not hungry, but I thought I’d take a quick bath before the men get back from work, if that’s okay,” Kathleen told her.

“Sure, just be sure to hang your towel and washcloth on the rack in your room. You know y’all don’t get but two towels and two washcloths a week. I don’t wash except on Mondays.”.

‘Yes, ma’am. I will.” Kathleen replied, taking herself off to get her linens and toiletries. After locking the door, she gave the tub a good scrubbing with BAB-O,  aware of the grimy men who also bathed there. Rinsing it smooth, she drew a tepid bath. Wrapping her hair in her towel, she slid into the relaxing bath.  Though she’d like to have soaked awhile, she quickly bathed and shaved her legs before she emptying and scrubbing the tub again with BAB-O.  She powdered and lotioned herself before rinsing her washcloth and towel to take back to her room.  Latching her door, she hung her dress to air and slid under the top sheet.  Maybe she’d be able to nap a while.  No such luck.  She thought of Mama and Daddy and felt a hollow feeling in  her gut. They were probably resting before going back out to the garden to pick tomatoes.  She dreaded telling them she’d gotten married with our their blessing, but they’d surely understand when they met Bill.  He was so charming and had such a way with people.  He was going to work construction and they’d  travel all over the country.  That was one of the things that made her fall in love with him.  For a girl raised in hicky old Cuthand, it sounded like a dream.  Having never been farther than Texarkana, she’d always yearned to escape. Bill was talking about going to California after this job. It couldn’t be soon enough for her.

Boarding House

  Sn

Bumps in the Road Part 7

Though Kathleen was only nineteen, she’d already been engaged to a nice, well-educated fellow who worked at the radio station.  She wasn’t deeply attracted to him but her mother really pushed for the marriage thinking he’d be a good provider and husband since he was a bit older and settled.  Kathleen had always been submissive to Mama, but this time she stood her ground.  Mama was manipulative and knew how to sling guilt, so Kathleen was subjected to her stormy disapproval.  Mama was a force to be dealt with.  Subject to depression, she’d had no qualms about telling the child Kathleen maybe she’d just run butt her head into a tree and kill herself.  Of course, the tiny girl believed her and both feared and felt desperate to get home from school, hoping not to find her mother dead and bloody at the base of a tree.  Remembering Mama’s domineering ways, she didn’t want to be subject to her machinations this time.  She’d deal with Mama when she had to.

Consequently, Kathleen made no mention of her new romance with Mama.  She did, however, discuss her concerns with Annie, her older sister.  “Bill wants me to marry him, but I’m worried.  He’s kind of wild.  I know he drinks.  I think I love him and want to marry him when I’m with him, but don’t when I’m away from him.  What do you think I should do?”

Annie gave her the worst counsel I think I’ve ever heard anyone give a a nineteen year-old kid.  “I think you ought to do what you think is best.” No one understands the ramifications of such a life-altering decision at that age.  Kathleen wasn’t grown.  She was just driven by her hormones as all teenagers are.  She’d been saving herself for marriage and was madly in love.

For his part, Bill was just as much in love.  It was hard to believe this incredible girl wanted him.  She was gorgeous, smart, witty, and obviously a person of quality.  He’ d asked around.  Her reputation was flawless.  She was the girl of his dreams.  He was as smitten as she was.

Once the decision was made, Kathleen starting making plans.  Bill was to pick her up at  the hotel at noon.  Kathleen dressed carefully in  her white spring dress and new hat with its two pink roses.  She didn’t like hats, but this seemed right for a wedding.  Twelve o’clock came and went, then one o’clock.  Fearing she’d been left at the altar, so to speak, Kathleen got more agitated and angry.  The very nerve!  As she fidgeted, she picked up a razor blade lying on the sink edge.  She noticed a ragged cuticle and went to work on it.  As you’d expect, she nicked herself. A rivulet of bright red blood dripped down the skirt of her pristine wedding dress just as she got the call that Bill was waiting downstairs for her.  Thankfully, peroxide cleaned her dress right up.  She dashed downstairs to meet the man she intended to spend the rest of her life with.

They were married that afternoon in Paris,Texas.

Bumps in the Road Part 6

Their’s was the typical whirlwind romance. Standing Kathleen up was something Gene never had to worry about again. In the next few days, she met his brothers, Edward and Parnell. She was disappointed to find out the Chevy Coupe belonged to Edward, not Bill . Oh well, a fellow with a car would have been nice. Kathleen knew both brothers had wives back in Louisiana so was surprised to see Parnell with a woman clinging to his arm at a carnival one night. “Isn’t that Parnell?  Who….?” she asked, as Bill steered her away. She’d really liked Parnell. Why would he do such a thing? He spoke lovingly of his wife and girls, so why? It didn’t make sense. 

Bill had had a few beers as they walked around, but was nowhere drunk.  In fact, he was more charming than usual, making Kathleen feel like the luckiest girl in Texas to be on his arm.  They strolled up to a gambling booth where a red-head barker  called out for them to come try their luck at knocking down stacks of bottles with a baseball.  A cute  little pekingese lay curled up on a cushion on the counter.  “Knock down three stacks of bottles and win this puppy for your girl,” the barker called out, reeling Bill in.

“I’m gonna get you that puppy,” said Bill, scooping up three balls.  He hurled them, only knocking the top bottle off each stack.  He went for another round, managing to knock to bottles off the stack a couple of times. 

Kathleen quickly grew disturbed with this game.  The bottom bottles were clearly weighted and weren’t going over. “Come on. This game is rigged. Those bottles aren’t going over.  I don’t want that puppy, anyway.” Bill was determined to win. He kept digging bills out of his pocket and hurling balls at the bottles, a total waste in this crooked game. Kathleen was appalled at the waste  and his stubborn refusal to give it up. Incredibly, he’d lost forty-five dollars and was in a heated argument with the barker by the time Edward strolled up, ready to egg the trouble on. Kathleen quickly surmised, Having grown up tough, Edward  was an aggressive bully who liked nothing better than a fight.

“Get on out of here,” the barker demanded. “I don’t want any trouble.”

“This is a rigged game.  I ain’t leaving till I get my money back.” Bill shouted.  By now, Edward was standing shoulder to shoulder with him, anxious to start punching.  The barker rang a buzzer and two bruisers with nightsticks showed up.  Bill understood the situation and left out of “consideration for Kathleen,” promising to be back after he took her home. 

“You do that!” one of them replied.

He had a couple more beers on the way home, never making it back for his money.

This was a totally new experience for Kathleen, a sheltered young woman of nineteen.  She’d never been around drinking,gambling, cheating, or violence.She didn’t know if she’d wanted to see Bill again.

Bumps in the Road Part 5

Bill made it his business to find out about Kathleen.  She shared a room with her old maid sister at the Clarksville hotel, which also functioned as a boarding house.  She heard she already had a boyfriend, but taking care of that wasn’t much of a hill for a climber. He called for her at the hotel.  The clerk called up the stairs.  “Miss Kathleen, you got a call.” 

Kathleen and her boyfriend, Gene, had tentative plans to go to the movies., if he got back in time from his delivery run.  She really wanted to go to the movie and if he didn’t call now, it would be too late.  She was already mad when the clerk called up the stairs.  Gene had stood her up one too many times getting back too late! “Miss Kathleen, you got a call.” Relieved, she grabbed her purse and a sweater and bounced down the stairs.

Grabbing the phone breathlessly, thinking it was Gene, she spoke impatiently, “I thought you’d never call.  I’ve been waiting for you!”

Bill cackled, anticipating her embarrassment. “Girl, if I’d known you wanted me to call that bad, I’d have called sooner!” She was mortified! 

“I thought you were somebody else!” she snapped, irritated, “my boyfriend, calling to take me to the movie.”

“Now don’t hang up!  I’ll take you to the movie.” Bill offered.

There was a bit of a backstory here.  Only sixty miles from Clarksville, Texas, in Texarkana, between February and May, 1946, The Phantom Killer had killed and maimed several couples, creeping up on them on parked cars on Lover’s Lanes.  One person was even attacked in her rural home.  Everyone was one edge. Women were warned not to go out with strangers and definitely not to go parking.  It was a terrifying time.

Gene had left her waiting one too many times. Though she knew she shouldn’t, she accepted his invitation.  The Phantom Killer operated around Texarkana, after all.  Bill picked her up in an impressive coupe. The only flaw was a missing door handle on the passenger side, so she had to slide in under steering wheel. Chiding herself, she climbed in and they were off.  This seemed like a bad idea.  She could never tell Annie or Mama and Daddy she’d gone out with a strange man.

Bill hadn’t eaten yet , so they decided to stop off for a bite, then catch the late movie.  They got there to late to get a close spot,  so they had to park on a side street, a couple of blocks from thee movie.  Kathleen thought nothing of this.  After the movie let out, Bill met a friend who was also leaving.  He stood and talked to his buddy for about twenty minutes before the friend got into his nearby car and drove away. The abandoned streets increased her anxiety as  they walked her to his lonesome car a few blocks away. Again, she had to  slide in on driver’s s side before edging as close as she could to the handleless door. He sat there quietly while lighting a cigarette. looking even bigger in the dark. She  knew then she had no business being alone with this man she didn’t know..  He exhaled, then turned to look at her and spoke softly, “What would you say if I told you I was the phantom Killer?”

She knew in that moment she was going to die, so she bluffed.  ” I have a gun in my purse.”

Realizing he had gone too far, Daddy folded.  “I had you fooled for a minute, didn’t I?” He  laughed starting the car.

She married him three weeks later.

Addendum:  Daddy couldn’t have been the killer.  He was working hundreds of miles away at the time.  The killer was never caught.

Maniac in the Wilderness

Bill and mother
I don’t know how my baby brother Bill ever survived my mother’s brutal abuse. When he was only a tiny lad of eighteen, he was six feet four inches tall. I think the fact that she wasn’t even acquainted with five feet added to his raging hormones gave him a feeling of superiority. While I won’t say he had a smart mouth, I will allow it was extremely well-educated. I am sure they only reason my mother hadn’t already killed him was because she hated to go to prison and leave her younger daughters motherless. It certainly wasn’t because the thought hadn’t crossed her mind at least a thousand times a day since puberty attacked him and her by proxy.

Anyway, on occasion, they had to travel places alone together. It was a misery to both. It didn’t help that the car was a tiny Volkswagon Beetle. It’s always worth a person’s time to stop and watch a huge guy unfold himself and crawl into or out of a Beetle, a pleasure Bill dreaded providing mirthful onlookers. It didn’t improve his mood on arrival, a mood already blackened with inevitable conflict he’d shared with Mother.

At any rate, on this particular day, they started home with Bill driving. According to Mother, he was driving like a maniac: driving too fast, following too closely, cutting people off. I have no doubt this was true. It was his typical manner. She insisted he slow down. He crept along at ten miles an hour, hoping that was slow enough to please her. She’d finally had enough, telling him to pull over. She’d drive. He critiqued her driving as soon as she started. “Speed up! Don’t ride the clutch! Change Gears!”

Finally, she’d had enough. She pulled over. “Get out!” Delighted, he hopped out, thinking she’d come to her senses and wanted him to drive. She drove off and left him standing on a country road, thirty miles from home. She enjoyed the rest of the peaceful drive. At home, Daddy wanted to know where Bill was. “I left him somewhere close to Bossier City.”

Daddy was shocked she’d left the little fellow all alone in the wilderness. “Well, You’d better go get him! It’ll be dark soon!”

“You go get him if you want to! I don’t care if he never gets home!”

Daddy was a lot better at giving orders than taking them, but he jumped in his truck to rescue his precious son and heir. Billy met him at the end of the driveway, brought home by a Good Samaritan. He’d somehow survived his abandonment but I think he still drives like a maniac. I don’t think he and Mother voluntarily ride together till today

See attached picture if you care to put out APB on either