After studying Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Martin Luther KIng, Jr, my little grandson came home pondering their stories. He told his mother. “I want to do great things and help people, but I don’t want to get killed.” What a thing for a child to have to think!
children
And the Jawbone’s Connected to…..
After losing a tooth and getting a visit from the Tooth Fairy, my little guy was mighty impressed. He set to work on his other teeth, hoping to increase his fortune. Alas, no luck. He thought he’d stumbled up on a bonanza several days later when he found this cow jawbone in the field next to our house. He came wagging it in, intending to put it under his pillow that night, looking forward to a great haul. He did find a dollar and a note from the Tooth Fairy, saying she was impressed, but wouldn’t be collecting cow teeth in the future, jawbones were just too heavy. He was thrilled!
29 Childrens’ Misunderstandings of Biblical Proportions
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus and the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Big Mouth
I tried very hard to teach my kids to be sensitive, but it was a challenge. When my little one was about three, I was stopped in a store by a friend for a few words. The lovely lady was quite portly. I knew my little one was dying to remark upon the unfortunate lady’s girth, so I shushed her and hurried to get away before her mouth went off. As soon as we turned to walk away, she announced, “I sure was nice not to call her a big, old fat lady, wasn’t I?”
The Things We Do For Our Kids! Guest Post By Cordelia’s Mom
I am so proud to that Cordelia’s Mom did this Guest Post for Mother’s Day. Please check out her lovely blog. You will love it as well.
It was the mid-1950’s. I was in first grade.
Mother’s Day was approaching, and my teacher decided to have us all make noodle necklaces for our moms. She brought in a variety of dry noodles, along with string and water paints – and wrapping paper. I was so proud of my creation! Mom was going to love it!
On Mother’s Day, I watched my mother open her precious gift. She oohed and aahed, and put the necklace around her neck. I was so happy to see her wear it that day – I thought it was the most beautiful jewelry she ever had.
My mother didn’t work (back then, few did). Her only recreation was going bowling once a week in a league with other mothers.
Her annual bowling banquet was the week after Mother’s Day. I watched my mother dress in her most beautiful (to me) outfit, high heels and all. As she started to reach toward her jewelry chest, I told her she should wear the necklace I made because it was better than anything she had in that jewelry chest. And she put that necklace on and left the house for her banquet. I was so proud!
Fast forward approximately 25 years. I was now a young mother whose girls often brought me hand made gifts. One Sunday, I was visiting Mom, and we got to discussing little girls and how to raise them. The subject of the noodle necklace came up. I chuckled and told Mom that I was sorry I made her wear that necklace to her banquet, and that I now understood that she probably took it off as soon as she was out of eyesight.
There was a silence as my mother thought fondly back to that day. Then, she told me:
“No, I didn’t. I wore it all evening and told all the other mothers that my little girl made it for me.”
And that’s how I learned to be a mother. Mom was tough when it was called for, but she loved her kids and made sure that we all knew that.
Mom once read about a father who told his child, “You are my favorite, but don’t tell your brothers and sisters because it would hurt their feelings.” After the old man died, the kids were comparing notes and discovered that he had made that statement to each and every one of them. Mom thought that was a wonderful way to make a child feel special – and while neither she nor I ever tried it with our own kids, we both understood the philosophy behind it, and tried to love each child in the way that child needed to be loved. I know she succeeded; I hope I did, too.
Happy Mother’s Day! If you have children, give them hugs from me. If your mother is still alive, give her a kiss on her aging cheek. And if you are a mother, may you be showered hugs, kisses and homemade gifts from your own children.
Thanks, Linda, for allowing me to guest post for you today. I will hold you to your promise to reciprocate on my blog!
I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com.
Image by Cordelia’s Mom
Unity and Peace
In the face of the brutality black people are facing from police today, I am moved to wonder what I can do. I can speak up saying this is wrong. I can vote responsibly. I can speak up when I hear racial slurs. I can also speak up against irresponsible, destructive behavior. Looting perpetuates violence against blacks. Everybody has to step up to do their part to straighten this mess out. I salute the mother who pulled her son out of the looting and off the street. I know many people will be critical of her for hitting her son, but she reacted in fear of losing her son to violence. The two of them have the rest of their lives to come to terms with what they both did that day. We should all support people who are trying to do the right thing. Please join hands to build a community for everyone. All children need education, food, and opportunity. Don’t deny children and perpetuate this craziness. Opportunities should be universal, not a privilege! Give us unity and peace.
Loving My Babies
On the subject of preference among children, I loved both my children best. Enjoying a loving moment with one, I’d think, “I could never love another child this much!” Conversely, when I was with the other, I’d have the same thought. I confess, I didn’t always treat them the same. One was more wayward, pushing as far as they dared, knowing I couldn’t commit murder, as attractive as it might seem at the moment. Most of the time, the other child was empathetic, well-behaved, a total joy, unless they weren’t, which also certainly happened on memorable occasions. Sometimes the needs of one overshadowed the other, challenging us to the maximum of our feeble parenting skills.
Often either, one of them would cuddle up to me, asking, “Who do you love more, me or ……….? I usually delighted them by saying, “Well, you can never tell, but right now, I love you more.” They found my other answer equally delightful. “You’re so silly! You know I don’t like either of you!” Then they’d dissolve into a fits of giggles as I tickled them. They loved either answer, secure, knowing I loved them, no matter what.
Happiness! The Count is Coming to Town!
On the subject of happiness, some days start routinely no expectation of stumbling into pure joy. One of my precious children, who shall remain forever nameless, experienced that life-changing thrill when they while searching frantically for an item to take to their class for a current events assignment on March 5, 1985 when this golden picture was printed in the local paper. I expect neither the paper nor the proofreader were quite so happy.
God is good!
Nutsrok 