Top 10 Uses for Fruitcake.

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TOP 10 USES FOR HOLIDAY FRUITCAKES

10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.

9. Use instead of sand bags during El Nino.

8. Send to U.S. Air Force, let troops drop them.

7. Use as railroad ties.

6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag racers.

5. Collect ten and use them as bowling pins.

4. Use instead of cement shoes.

3. Save for next summer’s garage sale.

2. Use slices in next skeet-shooting competition.

1. Two words pin cushion.

Very Best Christmas Cartoons for You


Caroline: What happens when Santa Claus gets stuck in a chimney?
Jill: Tell me.
Caroline: He gets Claustrophobia!

Joke submitted by Caroline V., Castle Rock, Colo.


Drake: You find it in December but not in any other month. What is it?
Gina: I don’t know.
Drake: The letter D!

Joke submitted by Drake L., Charlotte, N.C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Maggie: What is the most dangerous kind of body part?
Sara: I don’t know.
Maggie: Mistletoes.

Joke submitted by Maggie S., Madison, Wis.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Zachary: Which of Santa’s reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?
Lee: No idea.
Zachary: Comet!

Joke submitted by Zachary A., Miami, Fla.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Ricky: What is a snowman’s favorite snack?
Zoey: I don’t know.
Ricky: Ice crispy treats.

Joke submitted by Ricky M., Atlanta, Ga.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Henry: What did one gingerbread man say after all the others were eaten?
Lauren: I haven’t the foggiest.
Henry: “It’s hard to bake new friends.”

Joke submitted by Henry P., Portland, Ore.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Tom Swifty: “I wish I’d never come to the North Pole,” Tom said coldly.

Joke submitted by Owen B., Maplewood, N.J.


Comic by Jon Carter


Young: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Chris: I’m stumped.
Young: “Jungle Bells!”

Joke submitted by Young L., Chicago, Ill.


Comic by Daryll Collins

Ho, Ho, Ho

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