I guess Spring is really here. Aunt Betty called. She just checked out eight hens and one rooster from the chicken library where she lives up in Kansas. The rooster hangs out with his favorite hen, so Aunt Betty named them Bonnie and Clyde. I guess it’s not really a chicken library, but that’s how it works for Aunt Betty. She has a deal worked out with one of her neighbors to get chickens in the nice weather, returning them for the winter. She has the pleasure of chickens and eggs without the misery of over-wintering them. What a great neighbor!
crazy relatives
Mr. Bradley and the Old Floozies
Repost:
Mr. Bradley died!! Mr. Bradley died!!
This was unbelievable! I had seen people get shot on “Gunsmoke,” but I’d never known anyone who had actually died. I knew I was supposed to cry when someone died but I couldn’t manage it. First of all, Mr. Bradley was an old grouch. He wore khaki pants and shirt and an old gray felt hat with oil stains around the hat band. He was really selfish. He had built us a chicken house. When I went out later to Continue reading
Grandma and the Coat from Hell
Repost
Since there were five kids in our family, Grandma did her best to help out when she could. Sometimes I still hate her for it. Once she went to the Goodwill Store and bought me the ugliest coat in the world. I didn’t have a problem with Goodwill. It was ugly that bothered me. It was a knee-length brown hounds-tooth wool dress coat of the style not Continue reading
Terror in the Night(repost)
Mother awoke to the chilling realization that someone trying to break in the house. “Bill! Bill! Wake up Bill! Someone’s trying to get in!!” Daddy didn’t normally sleep: he went into a coma, but adrenaline jolted him into action. He grabbed his loaded shotgun and crept to the window. In the darkness, a tiny light glowed in the darkness of the front porch. It wasn’t just Mother’s imagination! Someone was trying to get in! Continue reading
Tombstone in the Bedroom
Cousin Kat (Kathleen) was proud of being “conservative.” To the rest of us, it looked a lot like stingy. When it looked like her mama might be considering dying, it just so happened, Dan Walter’s Funeral Home and Monument Company was going out of business. She talked him down till she got a real nice headstone for Mama and a beautiful double Continue reading
The Funeral and the Big Hat Feud
Grandma Perkins always said she loved a good fight. Well, she must have died happy, because she and her daughter-in-law had a whing-dinger going when she had a stroke and keeled over. Ruby Nell was a sweet woman and didn’t usually get into it with Grandma, but hadn’t been able to avoid her that day. Her sons, Dave and Harry, and their Continue reading
Cookie and Uncle Riley (Part II repost)
Cookie and Uncle Riley
This is a repost of one of my earlier stories, my mother’s recounting of a trip with eccentric relatives. My mother, Kathleen Swain did the illustration.
People came and went. The waitress cleared the other tables and pointedly checked on Mother a few times, staring at the uneaten breakfasts and serving her enough coffee refills to float a battleship. She dawdled as long as she dared, hoping her nemeses would come back to retrieve her before the arrest. She occupied her time well, alternating between Continue reading
Mixed Nuts (Part II of III)
Repost:
When you are dealing with family, it clarifies things to have a scale. You don’t have to waste time analyzing people when you have a ready reference. This one works pretty well for us.
1.Has a monogrammed straight jacket and standing reservation on mental ward.
2.Family is likely to move away without leaving forwarding address. Has jail time in the past or the future
3.People say, “Oh, crap. Here comes Johnny.”
4.Can go either way. Gets by on a good day. Never has been arrested. Can be lots of fun or a real mess. Relatives usually will invite in for coffee. Likely to have hormone-induced behavior.
5.Regular guy. Holds down a job. Mostly takes care of business. Probably not a serial marry-er. Attends church when he has to.
6.Good fellow. Almost everybody likes him or her. Volunteers for Habitat for Humanity. Manages money well enough to retire early.
7.High achiever. Business is in order. Serves on city council.
8.Looks too good to be true. What’s really going on?
9.Over-achiever. Affairs are in order. Solid citizen. Dull, dull, dull. Could end up as a 1 Continue reading
Mixed Nuts (Part I) Reblog
I am reblogging one of my first, favorite posts about my eccentric family. Enjoy!
When you are dealing with family, it clarifies things to have a scale. You don’t have to waste time analyzing people when you have a ready reference. This one works pretty well for us.
1.Has a monogrammed straight jacket and standing reservation on mental ward.
2.Family is likely to move away without leaving forwarding address. Has jail time in the past or the future
3.People say, “Oh, crap. Here comes Johnny.”
4.Can go either way. Gets by on a good day. Never has been arrested. Can be lots of fun or a real mess. Relatives usually will invite in for coffee. Likely to have hormone-induced behavior.
5.Regular guy. Holds down a job. Mostly takes care of business. Probably not a serial marrier. Attends church when he has to.
6.Good fellow. Almost everybody likes him or her. Volunteers for Habitat for Humanity. Manages money well enough to retire early.
7.High achiever. Business is in order. Serves on city council.
8.Looks too good to be true. What’s really going on?
9.Over-achiever. Affairs are in order. Solid citizen. Dull, dull, dull. Could end up as a 1 Continue reading
Nutsrok 