Applesauce on the Rooftop

Baby on roofThere were unspoken and implied rules.  My personal favorites were the implied ones, open to interpretation. These were based on old adages such as, “If everyone else jumped off the top of the house would you?”  The obvious answer was, I’d probably have been the first to jump, then swear I was pushed when some other dumb butt jumped and got hurt, implicating me as the ringleader. Continue reading

Clothilde

imageRepost:  I was almost named Clothilde. (KLO-TEEL.  Wouldn’t have taken mean kids long to rename Kotex) So were my three sisters. No matter what heinous deed my mother may have committed or may commit in the future, I forgive her because she stuck up for me when it really mattered. Daddy was raised in North Louisiana during the deepest of The Great Depression, one of seven children always on the brink of starvation. His father either rented a farm or sharecropped when he couldn’t manage rent. Daddy didn’t speak often about his family’s situation, but occasionally slipped up and revealed the difficulties they suffered. They were a troubled family, economically and socially and moved frequently. Continue reading

The Snake and the Flying Fencepost

laughing snake

Daddy had recently had surgery and was hobbling around on crutches in an ankle to thigh cast.  Feeling he just had to get outside for just a few minutes, he took his first trip into the yard.  Four-year-old Marilyn who was following him around suddenly starting screaming in terror.  She’d stepped on a snake!  Daddy balanced himself on one crutch, grabbed her, Continue reading

The Snake in the Fan

imageBack in the days before we had an air conditioner, Daddy brought home a huge second hand water-cooled fan, thinking it might be an improvement over our attic fan. He hooked it up in the dining room window, where it blew directly over the Continue reading

From God’s Lips to Daddy’s Ear

imageDaddy was “the Boss.” God put him in charge, so we didn’t have to worry about what God wanted.  If we had any questions, we could go straight to Daddy.  He always had a Bible verse at the ready to back him up, if needed.  Most of them sounded suspiciously-freshly coined and self-serving, lacking book, chapter, and verse, Continue reading

Woman’s Work is Never Done

 

“Them that don’t work, don’t eat.” We must have looked like a hungry bunch because Daddy made sure we worked.  Farm work was a regular thing, but when Daddy had invited folks in for a holiday, he kicked it into high gear.  The place had to be groomed; brush cut, fence rows cleaned out, fields bush hogged.  It was always good to have something new lined up to show progress; another few acres cleared, some pecan trees planted, a new field fenced.  It wouldn’t do to have folks thinking we’d been just lying about.

Work was divided into “Man’s Work” and “Woman’s Work.”  Women were lucky.  As far as “Man’s Work,” Daddy believed in equal opportunity.  Womenfolk were expected to work right alongside the men, just as hard and long.  Due to our lesser strength and inferior expertise, however, we couldn’t be expected to handle complex tasks involving tractor driving, bush hogging, and equipment use, when there was lesser manual work to be relegated to peons. We were, however, excellent candidates for piling brush, chopping bushes, and wielding simple tools such as hoes, post-hole diggers, shovels, and wheelbarrows.  Fetching and carrying were our forte!

Fortunately for the girls, once we had labored long and hard with Daddy, we were free to pursue “Woman’s Work”; that would be cooking dinner after a long day’s work.  As often as not, Mother worked alongside us, so “Woman’s Work” started after “Man’s Work” was complete.  “Man’s Work” was over at the end of daylight.  Men couldn’t cook, clean, do laundry, or milk cows.  Fortunately for men, according to Daddy, there was some obscure Bible verse I never heard quoted or referenced anywhere else, that said, “Thou canst not take what thou cannot give.”  He also hinted at possible hormone issues.  How’s that for rustication?  I often felt sorry for Daddy and Billy as they collapsed at the end of a long day while we were cooking and cleaning.  They must have felt just awful.

Anyway, back to the holiday.  Once we’d worked like fiends preparing, the long-awaited guests arrived, amid compliments on the resort-like beauty of the farm.  “I wish I lived here.  It looked so restful.” (You should have been here the last week!)  Daddy’s mood was effusive.  He was a wonderful host.  “Get Aunt Lou some more coffee and cake!”  “We’re running low on iced tea out here.”  He’d charm my cousins.  They’d be riding horses, riding the zip-line running from a tall elm to way past the pond, and swimming in the pond.  It must have looked like a theme park to poor, deprived children who had to lie about watching cartoons, riding bicycles, playing with friends, and drinking Kool Aid all the time.  I felt so badly for them when they’d say, “I wish he was my daddy!”  So did I!

Time Out for Smart Alecks

imageMy dad was more creative than factual when making a point.  When there was no dessert, he pointed out.  “My mother or sisters made a cake every day.”

Other times, when we were ungrateful for how great we had it, he’d tell us his family sometimes went three days with nothing to eat but peas.

i piped up.  “Why didn’t y’all eat one of those cakes your mama or sisters made every day?”

He took time out his busy day to teach me the difference in smart and smart aleck.

Flatter Than Flat

imageI trailed my dad when I was a little kid.  A man came to visit one day.  He and Daddy dawdled by his truck talking before the man left.  Bored, I dropped down to inspect his tires.  It was the first time I’ ever noticed valve stems.  I took off the top of the valve stem and pressed the probe in the center with a nail, releasing all the air.   I enjoyed it so much, I started on the back tire.  I had it nearly deflated as well before they noticed what I was up to.  He had one spare, but the two of them had to take turns pumping the other tire with a hand pump before he could leave.

i’ve seen happier men.

Rudy and the Fancy Pants

thV6WP7HBZMy parents had very strict standards of appropriate courtship behavior. Some were objective: No dating till sixteen. No expensive or personal gifts. No gifts of clothing. Tasteful gifts included inexpensive perfume, flowers, and books. Some were Continue reading