- After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- It’s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing.
- I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…it’s called “I’m hungry.”
- DIET translated means Did I Eat That?
- Food has never made me fat, but scales always do.
- I’m a light eater. As soon as the light goes on, I start eating.
- I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to dieting. Every time I start eating diet foods, I get sick of ‘em.
- I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
- I’ve tried a diet many time, but keep failing each time I’m supposed to eat.
- Dieting isn’t a piece of cake.
- Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.
- Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
- I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
diet
Share Your Best Post: Let’s Connect!
I am perusing my posts from the past. This one from November, 26, 2015 has the most likes and comments ever! What is the magic? Is it because we all know the pain of dieting and excel in self-critique? Thse are funny cartoons, but not the funniest I’ve ever seen. It is great to see people in their private moments with their mirrors. We all cherish our foolish moments. What is your best post ever? It’s ironic that this post required no skill on my part. Go figure! Feel free to link. I often wonder how my friends are faring. Please link and comment!

How to Raise Healthy Eaters in 5 Easy Steps
My mother was a child-rearing genius. She taught me her fool-proof plan for raising healthy-eaters, though she never sat down to delineate it for me. She was too busy trying to get dinner on the table. I’ve done that for all of you. You are welcome.
- There were five of us kids. Mother’s food budget was minimal. She put the food on the table, believing no child starved with food available. We ate like pigs in slop because should we we tarry, one of the other pigs got it. It would be a long, hungry time till the next meal.
- Kids don’t eat what isn’t there. She only bought and served nutritious foods, which we hated, by the way, but not as much as hunger. Our diet was based on vegetables supplemented by a modicum of chicken. Mother checked the markdowns and specials first. Though she bought many dented cans, she inspected them carefully for leakage, swelling, and signs of spoilage. It must have been a great disappointment, but she never managed to poison any of us. I often showed up at the table disgusted again to see beans, peas, greens, corn, rice, potatoes, corn, squash, spinach, tomatoes, and a tidbit or no meat on the table, again. A time or two, I tried turning my nose up at it. Mother’s response killed that. “Fine, maybe there will be a little left for supper. Now start on the dishes while we eat.”
- Leftovers were snacks. That meant, you might get a leftover biscuit, piece of cornbread, or flapjack if you beat the other kids off the bus. You had to be pretty hungry to go for flapjack. Mother’s flapjacks were disgusting. Sometimes, if she caught it on special, Mother bought peanut butter and saltines. We burned through those in a day or two. We made quick work Once in a while Mother made popcorn, but that was a family snack to be shared by the whole family while watching “Gunsmoke.” Remember “Gunsmoke?”
- Dessert was rare, usually reserved for Sunday’s and holidays. No cake, pie, cookies, lingered long. On rare blessed weeks, she went by the bread store to pick up a box of day-old bread, pies, cakes, hot dog buns, and various and sundry cast offs. One of my fondest memories is finding a lone, moldy Twinkie near the bottom of one of those boxes. I sat on my brother and ate it without chewing. If by some miracle a goody survived the initial family attack, the last piece had to be saved for Daddy. God help the misbegotten fool dared go there.
- Finally, she shared her pain when company dropped in for the WHOLE weekend polishing off the carefully stewarded foodstuffs that would have barely let her squeak through till payday, anyway. We needed to know that she would have to kite a check to get some dry beans, flour, shortening, and that a couple of chickens in the barnyard have a date with destiny this week. It stimulated our flagging appetites!
Sometimes, I’d hear Mother’s friends complaining that their kids were picky eaters. Once, just once, I’d have loved to hear her defend us saying we were, too, but, no! Invariably she’d crassly complain, “My kids eat anything I put in front of them!” She had no pride at all.
Laugh Your way With the Best Diet Jokes of the Day

Joke of the Day


“I get a shooting pain up my left arm every time I reach for a second helping and my wife stabs me with her fork.”

‘I’m very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians.’

Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds? Fat people are harder to kidnap.
You’re fat and you need to go on a diet. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because you’ll eat that too.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light she starts to eat. -Henry Youngman
Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle Diet? You talk to food instead of eating it.
You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?
D.I.E.T. = Don’t Indulge Every Time
Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll dessert you.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.
Have you seen the movie about the Atkins diet? Dude, Where’s My Carbs?
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds.
What do you call a fascist vegan? Lactose intolerant.
How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow? One if nobody’s looking.
If your dog is too fat, then your not getting enough exercise.
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.
Long Life A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?” “I think that is a wise decision,” the doctor replies. “Let’s see, do you smoke?” “Oh.. Half a pack a day.” “Starting NOW, no more smoking.” The man agrees. The doctor then asks, “Do you drink?” “Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while.” “Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions.” The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, “How do you eat?” “Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff.” “Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese.” The man is now really worried. “Doc, is all this really necessary?” “Do you want to live long?” “Yes.” “Well then, it’s absolutely necessary. And don’t even think of breaking the diet.” The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, “Do you have sex?” “Yeah, once a week or so…, only with my wife!” he adds hurriedly. “As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None.” The man is appalled. “Doc… Are you sure I’m going to live longer this way?” The doctor replies “I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!”
Cookies for Peace
Bud went on a diet. This means he’s polished off everything easy to grab in the pantry so never plans to eat again. After forty-five years, I know his habits. Trying to forestall a late-day panic, I asked early in the day if he’d like me to make something light. I was thinking, fruit salad, jello with fruit, something like that. “No, I am on a diet.”
He went all day till he caved about five, Dinner was pinto beans with lean pork over brown rice, a nice salad, and cornbread. Dinner again at seven with pinto beans, pork, rice, cornbread, but to cut calories, no salad. About eight, he jumped like he’d been poked with a hot-shot, exclaiming proudly “I know what I want! Tea cakes!” You’d have thought he was an astrophysicist with a new theory,
Deep in WordPress, I’d already settled for the evening. “I asked you earlier today if you wanted me to make something and you said ‘No.’.”
“But you didn’t say anything about teacakes.” This could end peacefully only one way. He said he’d help.
He got all the stuff out. I measured and put them in the bowl as he told me about a dozen things I was doing wrong. I ignored him. I’m the best cook I know. In about ten minutes the cookies were done. There are four of them left. He will probably be on a diet till about three. If you hurry, you can get here while the coffee’s still hot.