The commanding officer of a regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was ‘work’ and how much of it was ‘pleasure?’ The regimental executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A captain said it was 50-50%. The colonel’s aide responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, ‘Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.’ The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? ‘Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them too.’
Evening Chuckle
Evening Chuckle
A father of three beautiful daughters, being a good father, always liked to meet their dates before they went out. On this particular sat. evening all three had dates, when the first one arrived the father opened the door, he was a nice looking young man, and he said, good evening sir, my name is Eddy i’m here to pick up Betty we’re going out for spaghetti is she ready? The father called Betty and they left. When second one arrived the father opened the door, the young man said, hello sir my name is Joe i’m here to pick up Flo — we’re going to the show can she go? So the father called Flo and they left. When the third one finely arrived, the father opened the door to a rather scruffy looking young man. and the boy said my name is Chuck… so the father shot him.
Evening Chuckle
Three priests went on vacation. Before going to the beach, they shopped for flashiy attire, so as not to be identified as priests. As they settled rhemselves on the beach chairs in their tropical shirts, shorts, beach hats, and huge umbrellas, a gorgeous topless blonde with melon size boobs wearing nothing but a white thong sauntered by, winked and said, “”Good morning, Fathers.” They were stunned.
“What gave us away?” they wondered.
They purchased even more flashy clothing, including sunglaglasses to better disguise themselves the next day. The same gorgeous blonde strolled by, only she was nude this time. “Well, Fathers. Are you having a good day?”
“How in the world do you know we are priests dressed like this? one of them asked.
“”Why I’d know you anywhere! Don’t yo recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!”
Evening Chuckle
When Pop’s son was born, he had no arms, no legs, no torso, just a head. Nevertheless, he was a fine boy. Pop was proud of him. On his twenty-first birthday, Pop carried his son, the Head, into the bar, set the Head up on the bar and called out for the bartender to bring him a shot of his finest whiskey. “I wouldn’t do that!” said the bartender.
“”Bring’em a whiskey. It’s his birthday!” He propped the Head up , tossed the whiskey back, and the Head popped out two arms! Pop was thrilled! “Get him another one!” ”
“No” said the bartender. “Don’t do it.”
“Bring him another one!” The bartender brought him another, against his best judgment. The Head drinks and Boom! He has two legs. He’s a perfect specimen. The bar rors with applause!
Pop is thrilled! He hugs his boy and says, “Come on, son. Let’s go across the street and I’ll buy you a suit of clothes! We’re going out to paint the town!”
“No! No!” dries the bartender,””Don’t don’t do that!”
They ignored him. As they crossed the street, they were run over by a truck and smashed to smithereens! “Happens every time,” said the bartender. “Should’ve quit while they were a head.”
Evening Chuckle
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”
The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”
“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”
Evening Chuckle
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson …
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, “TIMES UP”?
– See more at: http://thebesthilariousjokes.blogspot.com/2011/05/old-italian-mafia-don-is-dying-and-he.html#sthash.EbNCi8EO.dpuf
Nutsrok 