Charley’s Tale Part 5

Things eased up a bit for Charley over the next couple of years, once she looked around and noticed she wasn’t the only kid excluded from the popular group.  After math one day, she saw Marzell Anderson  hurry out of class just ahead of her.  The poor girl was unaware the back of her skirt was blood-spotted, a nightmare Charley had always dreaded.  Charley closed the gap between them, and whispered as she  tapped her shoulder.  “Stay in front of me and go to the gym dressing room..  Your skirt is spotted.”  Marzell got a pad from the gym teacher who checked her out, changed into her gym clothes, and went home, her dignity intact

Charley dreaded lunch.  She always avoided the line making, her way to a table far from the giggling groups of cute girls and athletes with the lunch Cora made her.  Her nose was buried in a book, when she was surprised to hear Marzell’s low voice.  “I brought you something.  You saved my life yesterday.”  Marzell sat, opened her lunch bag, and pushed a waxed paper wrapped fried pie across to Charley.  “I never have anybody to sit with.  Is it okay if I sit with you?”

“Sure,” Charley answered, looking at the lunch Marzell pulled from her bag.  “I’ll take half the pie.  You eat the rest.”  With that, she pulled her Swiss Army knife from her skirt pocket and sliced it.

“Wow!  You carry a pocket knife.  I never saw a girl carry a pocket knife.  That’s a pretty good idea.  I might try it.”  Marzell was obviously impressed.  “I’ve never seen a knife like that.  Can I see it?”  She examined every feature as Charley explained their function.

“My dad gave it me last Christmas.  I use it all the time, fixing my bike, cutting fishing line, stuff like that.  I don’t know how I got by without it.  Best present I ever got, except for my bike, of course.” Charley was surprised to have anyone interested in what she had to say.

“You fish?  Where?  I used to fish all the time before We moved, but haven’t found a place  here.  Can I go with you sometime?”   Charley had never met another girl who fished.

“I’m going after school today.  You can tag along if you want, but I’m not baiting your hook or taking your fish off for you.”  Charley replied, expecting the girl to lose interest.

“And I’m not doing  yours, either.  I told you I used to fish all the time.”  They both got a chuckle out of that.

“I have to run home and let Mama know I’m going.” Marzell told her.  ” I only live a block away.  Do you want to walk with me?”

Charley hadn’t expected this.  “Sure, it’s on my way.  Meet you out front after school.”

“We have last class together.  I’ll just scratch up with you there.  Don’t you ever look up?” Marzell asked.

“Not really,” answered Charley.  ” I like to keep to myself.”

 

 

 

 

 

Charley’s Tale Part 4

That day was misery for Charley, sure everyone knew her humiliating secret. Not for the first time, she wished she had a ss

s iii

close friend to talk to, but had learned to guard herself carefully to avoid exposing herself to treacherous classmates.  Now that she had reason to be interested, she realized she’d heard girls giggling about “that time” and asking friends to “”check the back of my skirt.”  She saw Margie Smith slip quickly  into to gym teacher’s office and hurry to the bathroom and realized the reason.  She slogged miserably through the next couple of days, terrified she’d give her secret away.

During study hall that day, she projected how many days would be ruined before she was forty and decided she just wouldn’t tolerate the indignity.  Waiting till Cora went home for the evening, she emptied all the ice trays in the bathtub and lay in the tub as long as she could bear it, before washing her hair in the frosty water.  Hard cramps and a splitting headache rewarded her efforts.  She asked her father for some aspirin for the headache, avoiding mention of the cramps.  Cora had apprised him of her situation, so he was prepared.

“Sure, Charley.  Can I get you a hot water bottle.? If you having cramps, that might help.  I only wish your mother could be here for you, now,” he told her.  It was so hard raising girls without a mother.  At least Cora was there for them.

Charley whirled and went to her room, mortified her father knew her humiliating secret.  “I don’t need a hot water bottle!”  Wild horses wouldn’t have dragged an admission of cramps out of her.  She whirled and left the room in a huff.  She pulled on her warmest flannel pajamas and went straight to bed with no sanitary pad, assuming she’d put a stop to her menstrual flow, thanks to Cora’s warnings.  She slept deeply and peacefully once she finally warmed up, but was appalled to awaken to blood-stained pajamas and sheets.  Charley felt betrayed by her own body and Cora.  She’d taken her warnings as a promise.  Ginny darted in her room, saw the causality and reacted with horror.  “Ginny, get out!  Now!”

“Daddy!  Cora!  Come quick!  Charley’s bleeding!”  She called out.

Charles started to rise from his paper and breakfast.  “Don’t!  I’ll go.”  Cora said.  “You’ll shame her.”  She trudged up the stairs.  “Ginny, you go on down.  I’ll help Charley.  She probably scratched the scab off a sore on her leg.  Scat!”  Ginny didn’t look convinced, but went to breakfast.

“Oh, baby, your pad musta slipped out of place.  Go get cleaned up and I’ll take care of all this.  Just run a little warm water in the face bowl and clean up with a washcloth.  You can’t take a bath now!  It’ll make you stop!”  Cora said “make you stop!” like it was the gtavest of all threats.

“No, it won’t!  I was trying to get it stoped an’ took an ice bath last night!  It didn’t stop nothing!  You was lying to me!” Charley’s mouth quivered with betrayal and hurt.  Cora, her hero and protector had let her down.

Cora was stern.  “Now, I know you hurtin’ an’ you hate all this growin’ up, but I been raisin’ you your whole life.  I ain’t never lied to you in yore life an’ I never will, but I ain’t puttin’ up with none of yore back talk.  They’s some things in life you gonna haf to put up with, like it or not.  Do you think I been livin’ this long an’ had everthing my way? I had to put up with the curse, an’ I had to put up with a man that drank and beat me till somebody cut up him in a knife fight.  I ain’t saying I missed him none, but it did leave me to raise three chillun by myself.  We ’bout starved till I got started doin’ for y’all.  Now, is you gonna git movin’ or do I haf to git yo daddy?”

“I’ll get ready.  I didn’t mean to be sassy.” Charley backed down.

“I know you ain’t meant no harm.  Just stick an extra pad in yore pocket an’ come down to breakfast.  Ginny an’ yore daddy are worried ’bout you.” Cora told her.

“Be down in a minute.”  Charley gave Cora a question city hug.  “I know you ain’t never lied to me.

Charley’s Tale Part 3

School become a hostile place for Charley. When boys and girls started pairing off, Charley found herself on the outside. Finding no particular boy attractive, she was confused to hear girls continuously chatter “Johnny, David, or Mark is cute.” None of them were cute to her. They were just boys, no different than last month or last year. Wanting to fit in, she offered up the observation, “Robert is cute.” The snide group burst into laughter, ridiculing her and Robert. Apparent, the skinny red-headed lad hadn’t made the standard cute list. Sing-song shouts of “Charley loves Robert” rang to the treetops. Bashful Robert was humiliated to find himself the focus of the girls’ ridicule and fled the crowd. From then on he avoided Charley like the plague. Shame and rejection darkened her perception of herself. She withdrew, feeling it was as though she had a target on her back. The meaner of her tormentors them resurrected stories about her mother’s madness and labeled her “Crazy Charlsie!” The torment was relentless.

The Barnes children from next door were as familiar to Charley as breathing, a bright spot in her desert. The twin boys were a year older and Julia a year younger. They’d played cops and robbers, ball, ridden bicycles and built a treehouse together. When the darkness descended at school, she depended even more on their friendship. They were always able to take her mind off the confusing changes she faced. With Charley approaching puberty, Mrs. Barnes sought to put some distance between Charley and the boys. She forbade horseplay and physical contact, fearing it would awaken young sexuality. This abrupt change confused Charley further. One morning after a sleepover, Mrs. Barnes went in to wake the girls for breakfast and found Charlie’s arm draped cozily Julia, signaling the end of their close friendship.

One morning Charley didn’t come down when Cora called her for breakfast. Cora found her in the bathroom staring dully at her bloodstained panties. “I’m dying, Cora. Why is this happening to me? You’d better call my father.” She spoke in a monotone.

“Aw Lawdy, Honey. You ain’t dying. You just got the curse. That means you can have a baby now. Don’t you let no boys be kissing you. You gonna bleed a few days ever’ twenty-eight days now till you ’bout forty. You’ll git used to it. I meant to talk to you ‘fore it happened an’ it done slipped up on us. Let me get you a pad and belt an’ I’ll show you what to do.” Cora thought she was comforting Charlie.

Charley was appalled at this unwelcome news. “I don’t want to be a woman. What if somebody finds out about this? I ain’t going to school. Everybody already laughs at me. I wish I could just run off somewhere and live by myself. I can’t stand this!” Charley wailed.

“Yes, you can! Won’t nobody know if you don’t tell ’em. Ain’t no way nobody would as long as you keep your pad changed an’ don’t slip up an’ soil yourself. You need keep a spare pad in your purse. If you start at school, you can get one from the gym teacher.” Cora continued her talk. “You can’t swim, take a bath, ner wash you hair during your period or you might make it stop. Be real careful not to go out barefooted with dew on the ground, neither. That’s the worst. I had a friend once that done all that an’ once she finally had chillun’ ever’ one of ’em had fits. You know what fits is, don’t you? You wouldn’t want to do nuthin’ to make yore pore little chillun’ have fits, would you?” Cora waxed colorful in her warnings as Charley’s spirits hit the dirt.

“Cora, I never carried a purse in my life. Can you imagine all the laughing if if start dragging a purse a few days a month? There ain’t no way I could ask the gym teacher for nothing. She hates me. How can I go to school if I can’t take a bath? I’ll just stay home if I get another curse and you don’t need to worry about me kissing a boy! I’d sooner kiss a pig than that mean bunch up at school. I ain’t gonna marry so there ain’t gonna be no kids to have fits.” Charley was working up a good mad as though Cora was responsible for the insult of her menstrual cycle.

“Charley, ain’t no use in carrying on so over God’s doing. Now you just git yourself ready an’ git on to school. Take a pad with you an’ you’ll do fine. You can put it in your lunch bag an’ leave it in your locker to change after lunch. Now, scoot!”

With a miserable scowl, Charley collected her things and stomped out the back door furious at Cora, herself, and the world.

Charley’s Tale Part 2

Early on, Charley loved school.  Because she was bright, friendly, and excelled at games, she had no shortage of playmates.  She grew up in a time when girls didn’t wear pants to school.    Cora dressed her in good, serviceable styles that didn’t get in the way of fun since  she had no interest in frilly dresses or fussy hair. The minute she flew in the door, she skinned out of her dresses and into her pants.  None of the family focused on her clothes, figuring the girls had been through enough.  Little Ginny, her greatest admirer, was always waiting expectantly for Charley on the front porch or at the front window.  Ginny was as feminine as her mother, though their differences were not an issue for the girls.

Naturally, Cora bathed the girls together and Charley had remarked on their differences, to which Cora replied, “If everbody was just alike, it would be a mighty dull world.”

Charley accepted that, remarking, “Ginny’s plain and I’m fancy!”

“You’re just a little different, that’s all.  Just like your hair is red and Ginny’s is white, but don’t say nothing to make her feel bad.  It’s all good.” Cora answered.

Satisfied with Cora’s explanation, Charley gave their differing anatomies no further thought, going back to her soap and bubbles.

In her comfortable  world, Charley hadn’t dealt with gender confusion, cruelty, or peer pressure.  Then hormones kicked in.  Charley was among the tallest in the class, so not surprisingly, she showed early breast development, for which she received unwelcome attention.  One day, she was groped as she played football.  “Hey, Charley’s got titties!”  A boy jeered. She kicked him and strode off, furious and humiliated.Her peers and her body left her feeling alienated, mortified that a familiar game had turned mean.  The rules were changing.  Charley, of course knew women had breasts, but had never considered the the calamity of having them sprout on her flat chest.  Horns or hooves would have been more welcome.

 

Charley’s Tale Introduction

This is the first episode in a serial I posted several years ago. I am dusting it off, Charley tugs at my heart, reminding me,”Don’t shut me out! I have a story to tell.”

The outsider looking in could have been forgiven for assuming Charley was born to a life of ease. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out that simply. True, she was the much-hoped for daughter born to a prominent couple, her father a doctor and mother a wealthy socialite. She knew the joy of two adoring older brothers, an admiring little sister, a doting grandmother, and a cousin who left her a valuable estate.
Given that mix, the fates dusted in a bit of trouble to complicate the life to which she was destined. At birth, the father who delivered her, noted an oversized clitoris which he snipped before presenting her to her mother, thinking he’d spared her a life of confusion. Unfortunately, it had just the opposite result. Gender identification goes a lot deeper than outward appearances, as he learned over time.

Not only that, Ellen, Charley’s narcissistic mother was repulsed by her perceived imperfection of her child. Ellen and Charley never bonded due to her mother’s rejection. Little Charley was cherished by the rest of the family and nurtured by Cora, the family’s maid. Her grandmother and Cousin Jean adored her. Early on Grandmother Geneva and Cousin Jean recognized the child’s nature and allowed her the freedom to express it.

Charley’s nebulous connection to her mother was severed on the occasion of her baby sister’s birth. Ellen developed post-partum psychosis, attempted murder, and lived out the short period of her remaining life in a state hospital. Unresolved psychic trauma was to follow Charley from that point on.

Life has never been easy for an intersexed child. It was likely for a well-meaning surgeon to assign the child a female identity, if anything at all was done. Unfortunately, this was as apt as not to be wrong. So it was for Charley. The child who would have been celebrated as a robust little boy was expected to behave as a dainty little girl. The confusion was overwhelming. From the time Charley’s mother went into the asylum, Cora and Grandmother Geneva assumed maternal roles with both girls. Geneva and the children passed the long summer weeks at the farm and the lake house where Geneva encouraged Charley’s relationship with the Washington family who maintained the farm, knowing they’d likely be in her life for years. They were good people.

Josie, the girl who’d helped cared for the girls since Ginny’s birth had married Bobby Washington who’d grown up working the farm along with his father Robert. Since the dairy barn was no longer in use, Geneva gave Robert permission to tear it down and salvage the materials to build a cabin for the newlyweds on the land Cousin Jean left him. They worked evenings till a tin-roofed three-room shotgun house stood proudly under a pecan tree with the requisite toilet about one hundred feet down the hill. It was close enough Bobby and Josie could share the older folk’s well. It was a fine thing for a young couple to start out with a house on eighty acres they could look forward to inheriting one day.

Life was a succession of peaceful days till school attendance required Charleys to spend her days at her father’s house. Cora was devoted to both girls, spending a great deal of time with them, serving as a buffer to Ellen. Geneva lived just a few blocks over, so they frequented her home as well. Charley enjoyed several years of relative peace till she reached the age of cruelty.

Charley’s Tale Part 36

Not surprisingly, the coroner committed Ellen to the state hospital after her attack on Cora and Charles.  Despite his pleas, Charles could to nothing to mitigate her sentence, though he tried to arrange for private care.  On admission, she  was a raging lunatic, sedated into submission and kept that way.  When Charles was allowed to visit, she never responded to him.  Her life was essentially over.  She never rallied and succumbed to tuberculosis in less than two years.  Though he was relieved the matter was taken out of his hands, Charles truly grieved the loss of the beautiful woman he’d married.

He was able to bring the girls back home with Josie’s and Cora’s help. They thrived in the loving environment.  Geneva was greatly saddened by Ellen’s death, but remained active in Ellen’s children’s lives, sharing the Mother’s love her daughter had never been able to give them. Ginny, of course, never knew her mother, but the boys and Charley had all suffered from Ellen’s treatment till they felt nothing but relief. Their lives settled down to a new, happy normal.

Charles never remarried, but over the years, settled into a comfortable arrangement with the widow of an old friend.  Neither wanted to unsettle their children or leave their family homes, so they embarked on a discreet friendship that lasted till his death thirty years later.  It was much more loving and rewarding than the time he spent with Ellen. His second love was kind, gentle, and unselfish, a true blessing after the stormy Ellen.

Charley was a sturdy, happy child,in her element when Geneva took her to visit the farm.  Ginny adored her, making every step she made.  For a long time after Ellen’s departure, Charley suffered from nightmares and startled easily.  Charles felt a special affection for her, since she’d suffered at her mother’s hand, indulging her love overalls and farm life, till she reached school age and had to conform.  Even then, she wore her overalls at home. Ginny was the image of her mother, though of Charles’s gentle temperament.  Soon the boys were off to college, leaving the little girls at home with their father.  It was a good life.

 

 

Charley’s Tale Part 35

When Charles stopped by to see the girls at Geneva’s that morning, Geneva had news for him.  “I got a letter from Richard Henderson, Cousin Jean’s lawyer, this morning.  I am named executor of the will.  If you haven’t gotten a letter, you will.  You need to intercept it before Ellen sees it.  She’s been telling everyone she will inherit from Cousin Jean but she gets nothing.  Cousin Jean left me full use of the farm and lake property with the farm going to Charley at age twenty-one, and the lake house to Ginny at twenty-one.  She left most of her money to me except twenty-thousand left to you to provide care for Ellen, should the need arise.  She left Robert and Bessie the house they live in, one-hundred eighty acres in the front section, the 1937 Case tractor, and two-thousand dollars with the offer to stay on in their positions, should they desire.  Robert and Bessie will get a five-hundred dollar yearly raise in January and every three years after that.  I am not surprised since we discussed this a few weeks ago.  She also talked to Robert and he and Bessie are happy to stay on, so we don’t have look for anyone to manage the farm. I know this will be a problem, since Ellen expected to inherit.  If you like, I will help you tell Ellen, but if she reacts badly, I’d like to take the girls and Josie back to the farm till she settles down.”

“I’d be grateful for any help.” Charles told her.  “We’re are in a mess with Ellen.  I promised not to put her back in the hospital, but she’s a danger at home.  I’ll have to come up with some solution, but right now, I’d better call Cora to intercept the mail.  Ellen never gets up this early.”  With that, he called home, but got no answer.  “Cora must be at the clothesline.  I know she had a wash to hang out.  I’ll just run back by the house.”

“I think I’ll leave the girls and go with you.  I don’t feel good about this.” Geneva said.

Charles and Geneva anxiously rode the few blocks home.  Charles called out, “Yoo hoo! Cora! As he opened the back door, he saw the opened letter lying on the kitchen floor, blood spattered.  Chairs and ironing board were overturned.  “Oh my God!” He exclaimed,  He flew in to find Cora lying on the floor bleeding from several wounds with a gash on her head.  Screaming like the madwoman she was, Ellen flew at him from behind the door, slashing with a butcher knife.  He was able to subdue her, though she cut him a few times in the struggle.  Geneva saw the whole scene, horrified.  “Find something for me to tie her up with!” He shouted.

Geneva struggled to tear dish towels into strips while he held her.  Meanwhile, at the sounds of the struggle, the boys tore downstairs.  George held his mother while his father took off his belt and bound her wrists.  It was a terrible thing for all of them to witness Ellen’s undoing.

Realizing his own wounds weren’t life-threatening, Charles hurried to Cora.  Fortunately, despite the bleeding, her wounds were mostly superficial.  Ellen had caught her up beside the head with the iron during the struggle, knocking her out.  She quickly came around and was able to tell her story.  “I come in from the clothesline to find Miss Ellen reading that letter.  She was fit to be tied.  She grabbed a knife and come stabbing at me, saying we was all in it together.  I run around the ironing board and she took the iron and hit me in the head.  That was the last I remembered till now.  She was a wild woman.  I can’t take no more of this!”

“None of us can, Cora.”  He dialed the phone and spoke to Maisie, the operator.  “”Maisie, please ring the sheriff.”  After a brief conversation asking the sheriff to come over, He and the boys carried Ellen upstairs and left her bound in her room, screaming like a banshee.  Dejectedly, he trudged downstairs to tend Cora’s wounds.

Charley’s Tale Part 35

Cora put bacon and eggs in front of Charles at the kitchen table.  As she refilled his coffee, he said, “Sit with me a minute, Cora.”  She wiped her hands on her apron and poured herself a cup of coffee.  “Have you seen you seen Ellen’s hair?  She looks deranged.  I told her last night she has to get it back to normal before anyone sees it. She threw one of her fits and had  be sedated.  I just gave her another dose so she should be quiet today.   Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Dr. Charles, her hair was a mess at her tea yesterday. I was shocked when she come down the stairs makin’ a big entrance.  A couple of women giggled before that fool Sarah got everbody to clappin’ to cover up the laughing.  Miss Ellen was so proud of herself, she might not a took it all in.  Miss Geneva was right at her side and give out some looks that kinda shut them hateful women down.  I spect everbody in town knows ’bout that red hair.  I shore hate it.  I’d a tried to let you or Miss Geneva know if I’d a knowed ’bout her hair.”

Charles was stricken when he realized how far things had gone.  “No wonder she went wild when the boys and I burst out laughing at dinner last night.  It was such a shock!  She really has gone around the bend again, hasn’t she?  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I can’t put her back in that hospital, but I certainly can’t have her around the girls.  The way she fought me and the boys, she could kill them.  She was fighting and even tried to bite while I was giving her an injection.  What am I going to do?  I can’t expect Miss Geneva to take care of my girls forever.  She’s past seventy and they have a right to live in their own home.  God help us all.”

“I just don’t know, Dr. Charles.  We gonna have to call on the Good Lord.  Don’t you have any doctor friends you can talk to?  I’ll keep an eye on Miss Ellen for you, but you might want to take her car keys, just in case she takes a notion to go somewhere.” Cora suggested.

“That I will.  Thanks for reminding me and for the talk.  I’ll figure something out.  That was a fine breakfast.  Better stop by and see the girls.”  He took Ellen’s keys off the hook as he left.

“Poor, poor man.” Cora said.  ” Money sho ain’t everthang.”

 

Charley’s Tale Part 33

Needless to say, Charles was apprehensive about Ellen’s entertaining, but was reassured to know Geneva would be there to help out.  Cora would be serving with Birdie’s assistance.  Cora assured him everything was perfect on his way out to visit the girls at Geneva’s house as he did every morning.  Geneva promised she’d be there way early in case Ellen needed anything.  Ellen had hosted dozens of teas over the years, so Charles felt this would go well.  He had no idea she’d invited twelve instead of just her syncophant friend, Sarah.  Sarah had loyally endured Ellen’s barbs and snide behavior for the dubious benefit of her company for years.

Cora had laid a lovely tea with Ellen’s wedding service.  Dainty cucumber sandwiches and chicken salad sandwich fingers rested on a bed of lettuce on the bottom tier of a serving dish, scones on the middle, and luscious petit fours on the top tier.  More waited in the kitchen.

The parlor and dining room was full of ladies in their finest.  Anticipation was high as no one had seen Ellen for months or really knew the nature of her illness.  At two ten, conversation was buzzing when Cora rang a little silver bell and announced, “The new Mrs. Charles Evans.”  Ellen swept confidently down the stairs into the room. Her short flaming red hair clashed with the bright yellow of the silk dress, her brows and lips heavily made up.  She easily weighed twenty pounds more than when they’d last seen her.  A titter was heard, then nervous laughter.  Sarah quickly glanced around, and sensing disaster, starting clapping as if in congratulation.

Geneva joined in gratefully, then took her daughter’s arm.  Sarah rushed to embrace Ellen, “Oh, Ellen!  You look stunning!  I hardly knew you.”  Truer words were never spoken.  Ellen’s garish red hair and clashing yellow dress were a shocking combination.  Conversation resumed, and Ellen was gratified to be the center of attention.  To hear her tell it, she’d barely been snatched from the jaws of death, and was just now making a brave recovery.  The group was fascinated to hear the tale of little Ginny’s unexpected arrival, and to learn of Ellen’s recent bereavement and the vast inheritance she was soon to receive.

Ellen had little idea of the impression she’d made and felt her return to society was a great success.  Geneva felt sick, knowing her daughter had set tongues to wagging.