Grandma

Old Wives Tales and Periods

imageI knew there was some kind of big, stupid mystery even before my “sometimes” friend Margaret Green broke the news to me in the fourth grade.  My grandma had started badgering me not to go barefoot and had taken to sneaking peeks at my underwear when she was sorting laundry.

This is some interesting information and dire warnings I was given regarding health care of young ladies after the onset of puberty. My maternal grandmother hissed these warnings at me, though she was hazy on rationale  Girls should never go barefoot or get their feet wet after they go into puberty. (She made no mention of how I was to wash my feet or bathe.). I must never bathe or get my head wet or ride a horse during my period.  She offered as proof the fact that when my grandpa’s sister was only sixteen, she was riding a horse just before she got ready to take a job as a teacher in her first school.  She got caught in a rainstorm while she was having her period and was soaked to the skin.  She got galloping pneumonia and died before daybreak.  I was never sure if all these variables had to be included for the situation to be deadly.  Perhaps if she had been fifteen, walking to her job as a clerk in a store while she was having her period and broke out in chicken pox, she might have escaped with only a few scars on her face.

Also, Grandma warned me young girls shouldn’t ever go swimming.  “Never?”  I was appalled.

Then she told me of a stubborn cousin of hers who went swimming all the time.  “Even when she was expecting!  Everyone of her kids had epileptic fits!”

Mother had her own ridiculous rules about hygiene.  Hair could only be washed once a week, and never during you period.  That was a disaster for us with our oily hair.  I’d try to slip around and wash it more often, but she watched us.  She insisted on giving us hideous home perms.  They were awful!  I was so glad when Mother had to much on her mind to to to keep up with trying to enforce all her mindless rules.

Relaxing Weekend in the Country With Family

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My mother found this hilarious letter among her things today.  My grandmother was in a foul mood when she wrote it.  I recalled this weekend like it was yesterday when I read the letter.  Grandma was nosy.  She like to get right behind Daddy, quizzing him about his business and his family.  He wasn’t a patient man.  That certainly didn’t endear her to Continue reading →

The Bearded Lady, Wet Panties, and My New Brother

beardI remember the day my brother was born.  I’d just turned three.  I woke up to find Mother gone, something I’d never experienced.  Grandma had come to stay a few days to help out, but had broken a rib in a fender-bender the day before, so she wasn’t up to much, but that’s a whole other story.  A neighbor stayed till with us till mid-morning, when a bearded Amazon identifying herself as Aunt Cynthia showed up to take care of us all.  I’d never seen such a thing in my life. She must have been overdue time off from the circus to be free on such short notice.

The whole crazy scenario was too much for my tiny mind, especially, the strange bearded behemoth.  I wasn’t buying any of it, so headed for the hills, in this case, the shrubs in our front yard.  Eventually, tiring of calling me, “Aunt Cynthia” hoisted Grandma out of bed long enough to gain my trust, luring me in with the promise of scrambled eggs and strawberry jam.  I was mortified to have wet my pants while in hiding.  It took me forever to make Aunt Cynthia understand I needed “panties” not “pennies.”

Despite the psychic trauma,  it ended well enough.  Mother got home in a day or two with my new brother.  Grandma was back on her feet.  Aunt Cynthia went home, but for some reason I never really bonded with her, maybe because she kept offering me pennies instead of dry underwear.  That’s kind of weird.

Trip in Time

mother and dana

Mother and our friend Dana took a day trip to a local Jonquil Festival Saturday. After so much rain and dreary weather, it was a glorious gift.  We spent the day tramping through displays, enjoying the glorious blooms.  The sunshine and blooms sent my mood off the Joy Scale.

door  Later we found a wonderful old abandoned house.  Can you imagine how many times this old door must have been slammed by children as they came in calling, “Mama, Mama!’ ?  Late-arriving teenagers must have crept in quietly, hoping not to be caught.  Drunken husbands may have banged it as they came in late after blowing their whole paycheck, not caring that a furious wife lay waiting. New mothers opened it, bringing their new babies home to meet Grandma and Grandpa. Hopefully, it opened to more good times than bad.

side porch

This shady side porch must have seen wonderful times.  The family probably sat here to shell peas or eat watermelon.  They probably ate out here on hot summer afternoons and evenings, as the babies napped, flies buzzing on the screen. Likely, they’d have pulled their beds out here in summer to catch a breeze.  This is the haven to visit with neighbors in rockers and straight back wooden chairs as children shrieked and chased fireflies and young people slipped into the shadows to court.

 

Not a Small Matter!

Grandma young adult0007dentures by mail 1gum diseasefamily6Grandma was born in 1896. Very progressive, she employed higher standards of hygiene I do today, possibly because she’d barely survived typhoid in her mid-forties. Like me, washed her hands frequently as she cooked, but she scalded instead of merely rinsing her dishes, and boiled her whites, linens, and towels when doing her laundry with home-made lye soap in a huge cast-iron washpot outdoors until she got a washing machine. Continue reading →

Grandma and the Coat from Hell

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Since there were five kids in our family, Grandma did her best to help out when she could. Sometimes I still hate her for it. Once she went to the Goodwill Store and bought me the ugliest coat in the world. I didn’t have a problem with Goodwill. It was ugly that bothered me. It was a knee-length brown hounds-tooth wool dress coat of the style not Continue reading →

Stolen Fruitcake: Weird but True!

My grandma died December 16, 1964.  I was devastated.  She was always accepting of me and seemed not to notice my faults.  She had mailed her Christmas gifts to us the morning of the evening of her death.  The box arrived two or three days after her funeral.  It was a macabre feeling, being anxious to find out what she’d sent, knowing she was in Continue reading →

The Funeral and the Big Hat Feud

Grandma Perkins always said she loved a good fight. Well, she must have died happy, because she and her daughter-in-law had a whing-dinger going when she had a stroke and keeled over. Ruby Nell was a sweet woman and didn’t usually get into it with Grandma, but hadn’t been able to avoid her that day. Her sons, Dave and Harry, and their Continue reading →

Precious Moments

Some moments in life are so special, you’ll never capture them again. I was fortunate enough to share one of these with my mother and her tiny great-grandson a few years back. On her first visit with him, she savored every precious moment as we strolled in the park. They were a sweet pair mirrored in the fountain, spring and fall. He giggled as he dabbled his tiny toes, rippling the cool water. She shared his joy, till she spotted the used condoms floating on its surface! I thought he’d get whiplash as she snatched him back!