Best of Health

My dad enjoyed excellent health but enjoyed his maladies even more.  Upon hearing a doctor or hospital recommendation, he obsessed until he found a reason for a visit.  He was admitted at least yearly as long as I can remember, for reasons ranging from a tonsillectomy to ingrown toenail removal.  He couldn’t wait for Mother to get out of the hospital after the Cesarean birth of her fifth baby, leaving her at home with five children ranging from newborn, seventeen month old, six, ten, and thirteen year olds.    The theory was the big girls could take care of thing.  Ha!  His problem, a cystic acne lesion on his shoulder that had been there for years.  He just needed a bit of “me” time I suspect.

His entire family loved doctoring. They compared doctors and medicines every time they got together. It wasn’t unusual for them to try the others medication. I had one Uncle who’d finish up any medication, even his wife’s hormones. I”I paid good money for that medercine(that’s how he pronounced it) an’ I ain’t ‘bout to waste it.

They also liked to have weigh-ins. The skinniest would drag out the bathroom scales and throw out the challenge. Let’s see how much_________ weighs! The rare trim one amongst them would happily hop on. The “healthier,”that means fatter in this instance would likely be badgered till they gave in. Fat Shaming! What a fun game!

Nurse’s Nightmare

Even though I’m long retired I am long retired, I still torment myself with the occasional work anxiety dream. Last night, I treated myself to another.

I found myself back in my unit, desperate over the late start. Once there, instead of the highly trained, caring, and professional staff I expected, I was met by a madhouse of crazed clowns led by Nurse Ratched and the psychotic nurse Annie Wilkes, from the movie, Misery. Patients were lying on the floor, falling out of bed, and dumped into trash cans, arms and legs askew. The macabre nurses blocked me at every turn as I struggled to rescue patients. The unit was littered with feces, blood, and filthy dressings strewn on the floor, a nurse’s worst nightmare.

If that weren’t enough, just as the madness peaked, the CEO of nurses marched in, leading a group from Joint commission of American Hospitals, an unannounced visit to rate our services. I’ve never met any hospital staff who don’t dread this. When I saw their stern faces, I realized I’d forgotten to renew my nursing license. The CEO gestured to an officer. “Book’er Danno”

I was so glad to wake up.

Joke When You Gotta Go

imageMr. Smith was in the hospital for the first time in his life and in traction.  He hit the call bell and yelled out loud enough for everybody on the hall to hear.  “Hey, Nurse!  I gotta s—!” Continue reading