Bobo’s old truck rattled in one Saturday about four. White-headed kids in overalls piled out of the back, their bare feet kicking up a dust. Fishing poles dangled out of the truck bed. Grinning, Bobo slung a stringer of bream over his shoulder. Inez slid out of the front seat, wagging a newborn and helping her twin toddlers slide to the ground. One was diapered, Continue reading
humor
Ask Auntie Linda, November 16, 2015
Dear Auntie Linda, I am fourteen years old, with eleven and twelve-year-old sisters. My mother is a terrible housekeeper. Dishes were always piled up, garbage overflowed to the floor, and laundry spilled out of the laundry room into the hall. Last summer, I started cleaning up the house because I was embarrassed to have friends over and see the mess. Now, Mama rides me to get the work done, fussing at me if the laundry get behind or if there are a few dishes in the sink. I’ve told her this is unfair, the house was always a mess before and she chews me out. I am the only one who cleans. This isn’t fair. I clean when my friends are coming but I don’t want to be a maid. What can I do? The Maid
Dear Maid, This doesn’t seem fair, however you are probably a lot more satisfied in a clean house. You could have a confidential negotiation with your mom to do certain chores, like dishwashing, and ask her to relegate some chores to the other girls. Everyone should do their share. At least that way, some of the load should come off you. It is unlikely your mom is going to kick in now if she never has. Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, I am a twenty-four year old single mother of a two-year-old I am living with a man who drinks and tries to control me. I work cleaning houses so can’t support myself. He takes every penny I make just gives me enough bus fare for the day. I am in an awful situation and must get out. I can’t move in with family. They are no better off than I am. I have no skills, did not finish high school, and have no one to help me. What can I do? I want to get an education and make a better life for me and my daughter. Desperate Mother
Dear Desperate, Call the local Women’s Shelter or a local church. You can get some guidance there. You should be able to get on welfare and get financial assistance for further education. Many women have been just where you are and have gotten out. Auntie Linda
Joke of the Day
The Doctor was puzzled ‘I’m very sorry Mr O’Flaherty, but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.’
‘Don’t worry about it Dr Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober.’ said O’ Flaherty.
More Examples of a Funny Irish One-Liners
- Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
- I ran after you, but when I caught up to you you’d gone.
- ‘What’s wrong with Murphy?’ asked Father Green. ‘I don’t know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn’t stirred since,’ said Mrs Murphy.
- ‘How far is it to the next village?’ asked the American tourist. ‘It’s about seven miles,’ guessed the farmer. ‘But it’s only five if you run!’
- ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
- ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
- ‘The baby is just like his father,’ said Mary Quinn. ‘But at least he’s got his health!’
- ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
Things that only the illogical Irish would say:
- ‘You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!’
- ‘How come every time you ring a wrong number it’s never engaged?’
- ‘Spread out in a bunch.’
- ‘Hello, Mary, how’s your new false teeth?’ asked Bridget. ‘I’m leaving them out till I get used to them!’ said Mary.
Footloose and Fancyfree (Part 2)
Repost:
Even though the occasion of Bobo and Inez’s marriage preceeded my birth by a few days, Mother has told me the story so often, I feel I was there. Bobo showed up with his bride just hours after they married. No doubt, he was proud of her. He was twenty-seven; she, fifteen and visibly pregnant. Now, he’d be arrested. Quite a buxom lass, she was lovely. Continue reading
Footloose and Fancy-Free (Part 1)
repost:
Cousin Bobo was footloose and fancy-free, unperturbed by the economic responsibilities of four children in three years. He doted on his child-bride, Inez, living quite happily with her and their family in an old unpainted, farm house on her mama’s place. Despite his aversion to a regular work schedule, he and Inez managed fine. There was no power to the house, so no bills, the wood stove and fireplace sufficing for heat and cooking. The house was abandoned when they moved in, so he tacked wire over the open windows to keep varmints out, shuttering the windows for bad weather. Mama was real proud he did the right thing and married Inez, so she wasn’t about to stir up trouble, especially after the young’uns started coming. Bobo plowed and planted Mama’s garden, later helping get the peas picked and corn cut. Except for the few days he spent plowing, and cutting firewood, he fished and hunted every day. He happily peddled watermelons and turnip greens out of his old ’49 Ford Truck. They never ran short of game or fish. Sometimes he’d help a neighbor butcher a beef or hog, bringing in extra meat. He wasn’t averse to helping family with a little painting or carpentry work from time to time, as long as it was understood that his labor included a few days’s hospitality for his family. He kept Mama’s freezer full. That along with Mama’s chickens and eggs, the cow’s milk and butter kept them going just fine. Getting clothes for the kids wasn’t a challenge. Inez was the youngest of six spectacularly fertile sisters. Their cousin’s hand-me-downs were plentiful. All those little blonde tykes lined up in overalls year round was awe-inspiring. Most of the time, they wore shirts under their overalls in winter. Plenty of old tennis shoes lay casually around, should any of the kids decide they needed footwear. Some even had mates. Size wasn’t an issue. Should a shoe be too big, it worked fine to slide-style and let it flop. The kids weren’t partial to shoes anyway, unless they were picking around in a trash dump with old cans or broken glass. Strings were scarce, but I never noticed anybody complaining.
I loved it when Bobo, Inez, and the kids showed up. Mother wasn’t always so enthusiastic, figuring they had run out of groceries and needed a place to roost for a few days. They did seem more likely to show up in bad weather, when a warm house was helpful. Sometimes they’d stay a few days with this relative, a few with that one, moving one before the tension got too thick. Mother complained about relatives giving them gas money to help them down the road to their next hosts. I know I saw her slip Inez a little of her grocery money once, after Daddy went to work. They moved on. We ate gravy and biscuits till Daddy got paid the next Thursday.
to be continued
Afternoon Funny
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” “Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?” “That’s easy, Daddy….” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'” =======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady. =======
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.” ======== There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.” ========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign… “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.” ========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy. “Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked. “You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… ” ========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.” The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.” ========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.. ========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.” During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.” At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.” And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Joke of the Day
‘I’m beginning to feel bad about skipping church for a cookout.’
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?”
One child answered, “Mary.”
The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?”
A little kid said, “Verge.”
Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?”
The kid said, “Well, you know they are always talking about
Verge n’ Mary.”
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
“That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
“See those two men standing by the door?
They’re hushers.”
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
“Did God throw him back down?”
Awesome Life Down on the Farm: You Gotta Have Guts
Daddy loved home remedies and dosed his kids and livestock readily. Mother did run interference for us on cow chip tea and coal oil and sugar, but did let him load us with sulphur and molasses for summer sores. We never got summer sores, probably because we reeked so much we didn’t tempt mosquitoes. I do appreciate Mother for putting her foot down when his ideas got too toxic. No telling what kind of chromosome damage she saved us. Continue reading
Afternoon Funny
School ReunionJack hadn’t been to a school reunion in decades.
When he walked in, Jack thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting.
“You look like Helen Brown,” he remarked.
“Well”, replied the angry woman, “you don’t look so great in blue either!”
Old is when… your sweetie says, “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”…your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’rebarefoot….a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garagedoor nearest your car….you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick….going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face….you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’thave to go along….when it takes longer to rest than to get tired….when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by thepolice….”getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today….”getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot… an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee! Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds? Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
At their high school reunion Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.
Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: “My son is a doctor and he’s got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?”
Esther replies, “Unfortunately, Morty and I don’t have any children and so we have no grandchildren either.”
Sarah says, “No children…. and no grandchildren! So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?”
Nutsrok 