Cousin Wayne Saves the Day (Part 2 of Robert Gordon, Wayne, Robbing Nanny, and Look Out Pope)

family6

https://atomic-temporary-73629786.wpcomstaging.com/2015/08/17/robert-gordon-wayne-robbing-nanny-and-look-out-pope/

I wrote of my my mother, Kathleen’s laundry list against her cousin’s Robert Gordon and Wayne Perkins just the other day, mentioning her intention to tell Robert Gordon what a hellion should she ever met him again, even if he were Pope.  It’s fortunate she never had that little conversation with his partner-in-crime, Wayne, since she found herself in need of his friendship one day early in her marriage.

Daddy was a busy man who had priorities.  These included good times with his brothers and brothers-in-law and manly business.  That being said, we spent endless weekends with his family, careening out our drive on Fridays after and not often not getting back till late on Sunday night, despite the fact that there were young children to be bathed, homework to be done, and the week ahead to be prepared for.  That was woman’s business.  Fortunately, he was not a woman.

At any rate, at the close of school every year, Mother would break the news that yet again, she was going to visit her parents this summer.  They’d fight a while till they’d reach an impasse.

Outraged, he’d insist she wasn’t going.  She’d go on making her plans.  Finally he threw out a challenge, “Well, If you go, you’re not coming back.”

She went on with her packing. “We have to be at the train by two.”

Defeated, he asked.  “When will you be back?”

“Pick me up two weeks from today.  I’ll travel through the night so I won’t have to wrestle with the baby so much.”

Two weeks later, when we got off the train, Daddy wasn’t there.  Mother was disgusted, but not too surprised.  He was always late.  At nine, she called Aunt Julie who told her Daddy and Uncle Parnell had just left there to see a man about a dog, but had mentioned he was supposed to pick her up.  He was just going to be a couple of hours late.  Of course, Mother was furious, but had no choice but to wait.  She called Aunt Julie back later, who hadn’t seen the men.  By eleven she had thirty cents left, we were starving, and the baby was guzzling the last bottle.  Mother wracked her brain till she remembered her Cousin Wayne lived nearby.  She looked his number up and called.  Miraculously, he and his wife were  home.  Upon hearing her plight, he picked us up at the train, took us home for lunch, fixed the baby up with a bottle and a nap, and let Mother use the phone to tell Aunt Julie she’d found a ride, after all.  It was mid-afternoon by now.  Daddy still hadn’t gotten back from seeing about that dog.  Cousin Wayne kindly took us home.  Daddy was delighted to see us when he finally came in with his new hunting dog and not surprised at all that Mother had somehow gotten a ride home from the train station.  What a guy!  I don’t know why she never killed him.

Joke of the Day

Bubba and Boudreau ( I am from Louisiana.  I can say this) Two young men from Louisiana were looking at a Sears catalog, admiring the models. Bubba says to  Boudreau ‘Have you seen the purty gals in this here catalog?’ Boudreau replies, ‘Yeah, they are purty as a speckled pup. And look at the price!’ Bubba says, with wide eyes, ‘Dang, they right cheap! At this price, I’m ‘on git me one.’ Boudreau grins and slaps him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she looks likes she does in ‘at catalog, I’m ‘on git me one, too.’ Three weeks later, Bubba asks Boudreau, ‘Did’ja ever git dat gal frum da Sears catalog?’ Boudreau replies, ‘Naw, but it ain’t gone be long now.  Her clothes come yesterday!’

How do you get a sweet little old lady to say the F-word? Get another sweet little old lady to yell “Bingo!”

Evening Chuckle

The commanding officer of a regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was ‘work’ and how much of it was ‘pleasure?’ The regimental executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A captain said it was 50-50%. The colonel’s aide responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, ‘Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.’ The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? ‘Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them too.’

Joke of the Day

I went to school with a plain looking girl who had three breasts. Two in front and an extra one in the middle of her back. She wasn’t much to look at but sure was fun to dance with.

————————————————

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days.”
The lady says: “I’m not using it under my arms.”
The druggist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days.”
The lady says: “I’m not using it on my legs either.
If you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.”
The druggist says: “Stay off your bicycle for a week.”

———————————————————

Mickey and Minnie were in divorce court. The judge says “So Mr. Mouse, if I understand your testimony, you claim that your wife is mentally deranged. Is that correct?” Mickey says, “No your honor, I said she was f*&%ing Goofy!”

————————————————

Joke of the Day

A man went into the lingerie department to buy his wife a bra.  “What kind do you want?”

“What kind?  Do you mean there are kinds?” he looked around at the sea of bras, feeling hopeless.

“Well yes.  There are many kinds, but they can actually be grouped into four classes.  First there’s the Catholic Bra.  It’s designed to lift the masses.  Then there’s the Salvation Army Bra.  It’s designed to lift the fallen.  Then comes the Presbyterian Bra.  It keeps them staunch and upright.  Finally we have the Baptist Bra.  It makes mountains out of molehills.

joke of the day

My grandpa complained he was so poor he didn’ have any clothes.  His pa went and got him a hat on his sixth birthday so he could look out the window.  They were poor, but they were’t trash. They went to see trash on Sunday.

E-mail Addresses It Would Be Really Annoying to Give Out Over the Phone.

BY

– – –
– – –

MikeUnderscore2004@yahoo.com

MikeAtYahooDotCom@hotmail.com

Mike_WardAllOneWord@yahoo.com

AAAAAThatsSixAs@yahoo.com

One1TheFirstJustTheNumberTheSecondSpelledOut@hotmail.com

Robert Gordon, Wayne, Robbing Nanny, and Look Out Pope!

R G Holdaway Family with Johnny Bell early 1930'sL to R Johnny Bell(cousin) Mary Elizabeth Perkins (Lizzie) with Kathleen Annie Lee Holdaway, Roscoe Gordon Holdaway, John Arthur Holdaway about 1930  (note how well-dressed the children are and Roscoes’s mended overalls.  I have one of these chairs in my writing room today.  Kathleen helped Roscoe replace the bottom in 1932.  That story will be in her memoirs, soon to be published.)

Mother is eighty-seven.  She swears if she ever meets up with her cousin, Robert Gordon, she intends tell him what a hellion he was, even if he is the Pope and has a beard down to his knees.  Well, I am pretty sure our Pope wasn’t previously known as Robert Gordon and doesn’t have a beard down to his knees, but if he was, and does, please tip him off.   A whacked-out little eight-seven year old lady down in Louisiana might knock his block off if she gets a chance.  From the many stories I’ve heard over the years, I know Robert Gordon had a little brother, Wayne, who was also horrible, but nowhere nearly as mean as Robert Gordon.

Robert Gordon’s initial transgression that put him on Mother’s dirt list was not his fault.  He was her Grandma’s favorite.  Her grandma paid no attention whatsoever to Mother, or most of her other grandchildren, openly doting on Robert Gordon with warm waves of affection washing over his brother Wayne.  No matter that her cousins had lived next door to her grandma from the day of their birth.  Mother, hereinafter known as Kathleen, was still steamed to see them with the run of the place, their toys littering Grandma’s yard, and watch them cuddled in Grandma’s lap, when she was never noticed.

Kathleen’s prized possession was a little wagon that her father had acquired second-hand and painstakingly repaired by the broken tongue. The very next tme Robert Gordon visited, he ferreted out her precious wagon, sneaked the hatchet from the kindling pile, and smashed the tongue to smithereens so effectively that the wagon was a total loss.  The destructive act wasn’t discovered till after his departure.  The family later remembered hearing banging when Robert Gordon had claimed time to go to the toilet.  From that day forward, Kathleen hated him.image

Kathleen had but a handful of toys, mostly homemade or hand-me-down, so of course she cherished every one.  She had learned, to her great sorrow, that Robert Gordon and Wayne would steal, given the chance.  Before they left after a visit, her older brother, who usually only lived to torment her, held the boys upside down by ther and shook them, while she retrieved her toys raining to the ground.

One one visit, Robert Gordon who was younger than she, but bigger, entertained himself by hiding and jumping on Kathleen’s back as she rounded corners, pushing her to the ground and enjoying the ride to the ground as she fell face-first into the dirt and muck of the yard.  John helped her plot, so she was ready on his next visit.  As she pranced alluringly around the corner, he jumped.  She threw herself backwards,  the back head bashing satsfyigly into his face and nose.  Blood and snot poured from his nose and split lip as he ran bawling for his mama.  It was difficult to convince anybody she had started it when he’d jumped on her back, though he tried.

The most memorable, and adult-infuriating trick Robert Gordon and Wayne ever pulled of was The Great Goat-Milk Robbery.  Though they were as poor as any farmers during The Great Depression, her parents were excellent providers.  They had but one cow, but they kept a goat or two as a secondary source of milk.  Cows don’t produce milk just before and immediately after calving.  Milk production drops drastically during periods of low feed availability such drought.  At any rate all live stock is preciouos and to be treated well.  The Evil Robert Gordon and Wayne were beyond the Pale.  They slipped away from the visiting adults and robbed poor Nanny Goat of her milk in a way that no Christian ever should.  The repulsed neighbors were watching horrified while one boy held the goat and the other nursed, just like he was a kid goat.  Kathleen’s daddy and mama and the horrid boy’s parents got there just as Nanny was being rescued and flogged by an outraged neighbor.  Robert Gordon and Wayne’s parents left in disgrace and Kathleen’s family had another long, enjoyable talk about how hideos they Devil-ridden were. Poor Nanny didn’t give milk for three days.

This is the same chair from vintage picture above, one of my most treasured belongings.

Bear on chair

Evening Chuckle

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

62-health- and-fitness.com/

"Creative Insights for Designers & Digital Artists

TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

Foxes Den

Let’s fix it

WithMeaning.net

Finding Meaning in Modern Life

Two Wild & Free: Single Mama Diaries

Real motherhood. Real fun. Real life with two wild boys.

Prophetic Ties Blog

Exploring biblical promises and their fulfillment in Israel and the Middle East.

Playgirlkaybrazyworld

Online hookup services

mentalnotes1

POETRY RANDOM THOUGHTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT...

The Reviewer’s Shelf

Your next read is just a shelf away.

Soul Forge 7

Creative alchemy for the soul

Yarns from the Lake

Projects, Observations, Stories and Happenings

Backyard Bird Nerd

"Consider the birds of the air...."

The Beaded Tapestry

Exploring the writing and inspirations of Elisa Weeber

HOBO WINDMILL BLOG

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." Mark Twain

Nswayzom

Wayzom3.wordpress.com

For The Love of History

Stories from a cemetery researcher, pipeline wife, amateur farmer & mom!

Jarlhalla Group

Empowering our People

funeunice

having fun since 1995.

62-health- and-fitness.com/

"Creative Insights for Designers & Digital Artists

TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

Foxes Den

Let’s fix it

WithMeaning.net

Finding Meaning in Modern Life

Two Wild & Free: Single Mama Diaries

Real motherhood. Real fun. Real life with two wild boys.

Prophetic Ties Blog

Exploring biblical promises and their fulfillment in Israel and the Middle East.

Playgirlkaybrazyworld

Online hookup services

mentalnotes1

POETRY RANDOM THOUGHTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT...