humor

I Wanna Bite!

imageWhen my Brother Billy was about two and a half years old, Daddy and Mother stopped by the A &W Rootbeer Drive-In for a treat after supper one night, way back when the brought those frosty mugs out to the car, no to-go orders.   You had to finish your Rootbeer before leaving.  We’d already had dinner, so we knew we were getting Rootbeer.  A fellow who pulled up next to us ordered a hotdog.  In the heat of the July evening, everyone had their car windows down.  Billy was always ready to eat!  Naturally, when he saw the guy’s hotdog, he wanted one, too. Mother reminded him he’d already eaten and he’d only be getting rootbeer.  As the young man raised his hotdog to chomp down, Billy called out, “I wanna bite!”

Surprised, the fellow looked over to see a small boy on his mother’s lap, leaning out a car window, begging for a bit.  Quickly, he tried to resume his meal.  Again, “I wanna bite!”  It’s really hard to shut a hotdog hungry little kid up, though Mother tried.  I know we would have left if we hadn’t still had Rootbeer to finish and mugs for pickup.  After trying a couple more times to eat despite Billy’s plaintive begging, he cranked his car and left.

image

Blonde Joke

IDKA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Great Test Answer

I love the way this kid thinks.test-answer-1

Questions Anyone?

I love reading other folks blogs and think about their lives or have questions about earlier posts.  Sometimes I wonder how things turned out or want to know more about a story that captured my interest.  I write mostly about my family and experiences.  Is there anything you’d like to know, a story that caught your interest, or just a question?Eddie SwainConnie and Marilyn's Toddler PicturesHoldaway Homesteadfamily3Graveside0001 (2)family1

Tom Johnson and the Deputy

imageA lifetime of farming on the Kansas prairies had toughened old Tom Johnson up.  With eight hard-headed boys and three girls to raise, he didn’t put up with a lot of nonsense.  One morning, the boys decided, being winter, there was no need for them to get up at four-thirty in the morning to start work just because that’s what Dad always did.  They lay abed, thinking he couldn’t handle all of them if they stuck together.  Dad didn’t say anything, just set to getting them up.

A deputy sheriff had the misfortune to show up to deliver a summons for jury duty just as as eight Kansas farm boys between the age of ten and eighteen tore the front door down followed by Tom Johnson flailing the crowd with plow lines.  The poor guy was trampled, as well as flailed, trying to escape from the irate farmer intent on putting his boys back to work.  Returning to the safety of town, he told the sheriff,  “If you want that summons delivered, you’ll have to find someone else.  I’m not going back out to Tom Johnson’s place.”

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

CindyThree guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the Continue reading →

Louisiana Blonde Joke

Bible BloneThe couple started discussing pronunciation as they were approaching Natchitoches, Louisiana in their travels.  The wife asked a blonde girl in the restaurant, “Can you tell me the name of this place and please pronounce it slowly for me?  I’m not from around here.

“Sure, it’s Burger King.  Burrr……Gerrr…….King!”

Miz Dalrymple and the Pig, True Story

imageThe neighbors gathered after the first frost to slaughter the Jackson’s hogs.  Terrified by the commotion and scent of blood, one of the pigs managed to escape and hide up under under the neighbor’s outhouse, a good ways off, where Miz Dalrymple was
enjoying a little time to herself, thinking all the menfolk was off killing hogs.  Just as she got relaxed, she heard A deep voice, “I’ll git behind here ‘n poke ‘er with a stick.  You hit ‘er in th’ head with th’ ax when she comes a’runnin’ out!”

Thinking madmen had ‘er fee shore, pore Miz Dalrymple come a’flyin’ out with her drawers around her ankles.  It was amazing how fast an ol’ lady could run like that.  It took her two days to walk back!

Joke of the Day

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts” She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.” This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.” “That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?” The husband sighed. “Oh sh–, it started!”