Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, “Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.” The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.” Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, “What did he say, papa?” The old man answers her, “He asked us where we are from.” “Oh,” replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man, “You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska.” The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, “What did he say, papa?” The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”
humor
Joke of the Day
Joke- 3 Wishes!
A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when “POOF” out popped Genie.
“I will grant you three wishes” proclaimed the Genie.
The woman thought for a moment and said.
“I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around.”
The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp.
The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in Large Bills.
She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash.
Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline’s place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush.
She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly,
“Now, aren’t you sorry that you had me neutered?”
________________________
“I Wish I Had Left Whiskey Alone!”
,
I was delighted when a beloved niece made this family letter available to me. An unfortunate gentlemen friend of Helen’s had become entangled with the law and needed her help. According to family stories, she held influence with many judges, lawyers, and business men, since she ran a quite well-patronized house of ill-repute and had become quite wealthy as a bootlegger. I don’t know how this gentleman’s difficulties worked out, but it is apparent for the moment, he regretted his involvement with whiskey. Sad, sad story. I hope his sweet Helen was able to assist him!
Blonde Joke
An old fellow sat on a park bench watching the two blondes as they worked their way toward him. One dug a hole and waited while the other filled it in. They worked their way down the street, digging and filling up hole after hole, all the way down the street, stopping in front of him.
“Ladies, I have to admire your industry. Why on earth are you working so hard digging holes just to fill them right back up?”
“Oh, we work for the city planting trees. I dig the holes. She fills them up. The girl who puts the tree in called in sick today.”
Lunch Bucket Blues
Life at our house was a mad-house on better days. Daddy worked rotating shifts. For second shift he had to leave the house by two in the afternoon. He always had a lot going on before work, so he wouldn’t sit down to dinner (lunch) until one or one-fifteen. Mother always served a hot, sit-down meal with meat, two vegetables, and biscuits or cornbread. According to Daddy, she was disorganized, so it challenged her to get Continue reading
Floyd, the Cornbread, and the Attic Fan
Floyd Lewis was a holdover from another time. Daddy hired him whenever he needed help clearing new ground, cutting timber, or work of that sort. Illiterate, with no social graces, Floyd muttered an unintelligible answer if asked a direct question. Considering our financial situation, I know Daddy couldn’t have paid him much. It is doubtful Floyd ever attended school, since he was of the generation before attendance was Continue reading
Southern Folks
For some reason, people get the impression folks from the South are unintelligent perhaps because of the Southern accent. I get this a lot since I smile and laugh a lot and am always friendly. I could talk to a fence post. It’s always interesting to surprise people with a witty return when they think I’m not too sharp.
Are You Hungry?
That was the first question Daddy asked every person who entered his house, should they be a friend, relative, or Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Salesman who happened to be hopelessly lost on the back roads of rural Bossier Parish. Raised during The Great Depression, always hungry, he frequently did a day’s work for no more than food. He swore if he ever got grown, no one would ever leave his house hungry. “Are you hungry? Kathleen will fix you something to eat!” The burden of his good intentions Continue reading
Joke of the Day
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.” Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did. Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter and started
again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a
bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
“Just be home in time for dinner,” her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down
and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Nutsrok 