An elderly couple noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they wouldn’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can Continue reading
humor
Good Advice
The first night John and Marsha were married he told her to try on his pants. “These are way too big. I could never wear these pants.”
“That’s right. Now don’t you forget it! I wear the pants in this family and what I say goes.”
At that, Marsha told him to try her panties on. “These are way too small. I’ll never be able to get in your panties!”
“”Yeah and if you don’t change your attitude right quick, you never will!”
Buzzy’s Exotic Vacation
On our recent trip, Buzzy had a great time visiting family. Lest I mislead you, I never claimed he was a brave dog. He ran from some house cats, but they were bob-tailed. In his defense, He’d never seen a bob-tailed cat and was unsure how dangerous they might prove to be. He walked into a swimming pool by accident, his first experience with one. He was an excellent swimmer, but had no idea how to get out. He seemed to enjoy his little swim.
His introduction to Aunt Beulah’s chickens was hysterical. He was waiting expectantly when she opened the door to the hen house. When Bonnie and Clyde strutted out, he set a new land-speed record for American Eskimo Dogs, if there wasn’t one before. I believe he would have passed up Greyhounds trying to escape those bobbling fowl, even though they showed no interest whatsoever in him.
We are back home now. I’ll keep you posted of his future adventures.
Joke of the Day
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”
Evil Incarnate on a Pink Tricycle
Mother gets pretty hot about a few things. One of these is problems with mail delivery. One day, she got to her mailbox to find her mail tattered,torn, and lying on the ground. Worst of all, a government check had been ripped. Somebody was going to pay for this crime! Rabid with rage, she cornered a couple of kids who gladly gave up the perpetrator to save their own sorry hides. They’d seen a little blonde-haired girl with pig-tails standing on her pink tricycle rifling through Mother’s box. Mother gave the little snitches a five dollar reward after they located the child’s tricycle parked in front of a house two streets over.
Armed with this information, Mother called the Sheriff’s Department to report the heinous crime. Regaling him every shocking detail, the criminal’s description, description of the getaway vehicle, and last known address. The deputy laughed, asking if she’d had the check back.
“Yes, but that’s not the point. I want this stopped! Tampering with the mail is a Federal Crime!”
“Lady, what do you want me to do, put out an APB on a little three-year-old girl on a pink tricycle?
Joke of the Day
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent look.
“The pub called — you left your wheelchair there again.”
Big Mouth
When my brother Billy was a kid, my parents dreaded hearing whatever might come out of his mouth. Daddy took him to the store with him one day. As Billy stood on the top step, Daddy and his friend Mr. Shorty stood on the ground talking. Billy happily reached over, patted Mr. Shorty affectionately on his bald head, and said, “Well hello, little, short fat man.”
Not long afterward, Mother looked out the kitchen window to see Daddy’s friend with one leg, Mr. Charley headed to the front door. She rushed to the living room, trying to get there before Billy, could ask what happened to his other leg. She was too late. As she walked into the room, Biily turned from Mr. Charley at the door to tell her, “Mama, a skeeter bit his leg off!”
My cousin kept hitting Billy. Mother told Billy to “hit hit back.” The next time that kid showed up, Billy kept asking Mother, “Can I hit him now, Mama? Can I hit him now?”
Joke of the Day
The young fella walked in fom the country wearing only one shoe.
“Oh, I see you lost a shoe.” Said the first guy he met.
“No, I found one!” said the country boy.
Guests, Like Fish, Start to Smell After Three Days
I am an excellent guest. We went to visit relatives this weekend, but I don’t ever expect to be invited back.
I pulled bathroom curtain loose while showering. When I called Bud to fix it, We had to get through the requisite question first. “Why did you pull it loose?”
“I was kicking at the toilet. I intended to break it and the mirror over the sink, but this is all I managed, for the moment. I am so disappointed in myself. Can you fix it anyway? I’ll get to the rest of it as soon as I can.”
Grudgingly, he put the window curtain back up.
Later, we made a little trip into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. Buzzy, our dog, and Bud’s aunt had gotten quite friendly. She said he could stay with her since she was going to nap while we were gone. I was a little concerned how that might go. Hurrying back, I dreaded asking, “Did he do okay?”
“Did you see that movie, ‘Call of the Wild’?” As soon as you left, he howled about every thirty seconds the whole time you were gone.”
Nutsrok 