Kathleen had just gotten the results of an achievement test when she was in the fifth grade when she wrote this letter to her sister, Annie. I believe she was a bit full of herself, but did remember to ask after her sister. I will transcribe since it is hard to read. Continue reading
humor
I Can’t Find Anything for Lunch!
Bud came in about noon announcing he and Buzzy were going to look for some lunch. About three minutes later, he came back to where I was writing, announcing they’d given up. That’s what he always does when nothing jumps out of the refrigerator onto his plate. Sure enough, I went in the kitchen, finding he’d done a late night raid. The fridge was empty. There wasn’t a slice of meat or cheese, a teaspoon of mayonnaise, a leaf of lettuce. There were the sad remains of a bowl of potato salad, but it didn’t look too tempting since he hadn’t wrapped it back up after last night’s raid
. Alas, no cookies, no chips, nor bread. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t innocent of this information when he announced he couldn’t find anything for lunch. I did find six potatoes and a bag of baby carrots unmolested in the crisper.
There were no quick foods in the pantry, except for those I’d canned, which Bud doesn’t recognize as real food. I pulled out two jars of homemade Italian Vegetable Sausage Soup I made from fresh vegetables from my garden last summer, added the fresh carrots and potatoes, and fresh thyme, parsley, oregano, garlic, and onions from my herb bed. I found frozen hot dog buns and toasted them with fresh garlic butter. It was absolutely wonderful.
Mind Your Pees!
Mother keeps a five-gallon thermos of ice water and a stack of plastic cups on her back steps for passersby in her neighborhood. She leaves a container for used cups so she can wash and reuse. Dozens of people stop by for water, every day, mainly children. One day, a lone six-year-old stopped by, got a drink, turned his back to the street, peed in his Continue reading
The Snake and the Flying Fencepost
Daddy had recently had surgery and was hobbling around on crutches in an ankle to thigh cast. Feeling he just had to get outside for just a few minutes, he took his first trip into the yard. Four-year-old Marilyn who was following him around suddenly starting screaming in terror. She’d stepped on a snake! Daddy balanced himself on one crutch, grabbed her, Continue reading
The Snake in the Fan
Back in the days before we had an air conditioner, Daddy brought home a huge second hand water-cooled fan, thinking it might be an improvement over our attic fan. He hooked it up in the dining room window, where it blew directly over the Continue reading
Are You Wearing Panties?
An employee’s husband called her at work, A new employee routed him to me, the nursing supervisor, not his wife, by mistake. We are both Linda. When I answered, all I heard was heavy breathing, then,”Are you wearing panties?” Continue reading
I Smell a Rat
Connie and Marilyn and two of their friends had been talking about sleeping in the barn for quite a while. They’d built themselves a lovely hideaway over the feed room where they spent many hours together. On one of the coldest nights of the year, they convinced themselves the time had come. Mother and Daddy weren’t concerned about Continue reading
A Rose By Any Other Name
The new schoolmaster was waving around his hickory stick and laying down the law the first day of school. He pointed his hickory stick. “Boy, what is you name?”
“My name is Zeke.”
The teacher slammed hickory stick down on the boys desk, scaring the life out of him. “No, it’s not! As long as you’re in this classroom, your name is Ezekial and don’t you forget it.”
Advice for the Easter Season: No Baby Chicks!
repost for Easter: Illustrations by Kathleen Swain
No little kid should ever be allowed a small, defenseless duck, chick, or bunny for a pet. One of those four hundred pound tortoises would be a far better choice. It could protect itself and the kid couldn’t pick it up. Porcupines or crocodiles should be fine, too. They could probably hold their own against a four year old. Case in point, when I was four, Continue reading
Nutsrok 