This falls in the stranger than fiction category. A psychiatric patient admitted to my floor from a group home years ago with a recent diagnosis of incontinence. His CAT scan revealed a calcified bladder stone formed around a sewing needle. When the stone filled the bladder completely, he developed incontinence, Unlike the typical patient who shows up with strange objects in strange places, he hadn’t absent-mindedly sat on it. He gave an excellent history and remembered losing that pesky needle. It just didn’t hurt, so he thought no more about it.
humor
Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be
Michael and Jennifer went together all through high school. She thought she knew him well, but after they’d been married a few months and bought their first house, he declared one room off-limits. Jennifer wasn’t to go in there under any circumstances. Naturally, the first day she was home alone, she managed to get in. Prepared to find a room full of porn, she was surprised to find pictures of feet posted over all the walls. Continue reading
“Don’t She Look Natural!”
This is an excerpt from Kathleen’s Memoirs of the 1930’s, my book in progress. Kathleen grew up in rural East Texas in the 1930’s during the height of The Great Depression.
The events surrounding Aunt Ellie’s death were a thrilling event for me since we hadn’t invested too much affection in each other. The wake was unforgettable with all its glorious food: fried chicken, peach cobbler, deviled eggs, bread ‘n butter pickles, dainties not seen outside “dinner on the grounds.” Sprinkled with carbolic acid, Aunt Ellie lay in a pine box Continue reading
She Ain’t Got on No Panties!
First Grade School Picture
I just loved Katie, Mother’s first cousin, though she only visited once, even naming my only daughter for her. Maybe that will make up for this horrible story I’m about to tell. Katie and Glenn came by for a few days after visiting my grandparents in Texas. Like all three-year-olds, I assumed they were my exclusive guests. Glenn was overshadowed by the lovely, Continue reading
The Axe, the Snake, and the Doll. It Ain’t a Purty Thing!
Though my grandpa Roscoe Holdaway worked as a farmer back in the 1920s, once he took the opportunity to get temporary work for a few weeks at a logging camp deep in the Continue reading
That Explains It!
Suzy went to her plastic surgeon. “You’ve got to do something about these wrinkles under my eyes. They look just awful!”
“Sure, I can fix you right up!” said Dr. Jones. “I’ll put this little knob on top of your head. Give it a little twist, and Voila!! The wrinkles are gone! Come back if you have any trouble”
Sure enough, it worked like magic. Suzy was thrilled! She was a new woman! She looked like she was eighteen again! Every time her face drooped a little, she gave the knob a little twist.
Five years later, Suzy came back to see Dr. Jones. “You fixed me up a while back with this little knob to tighten up my wrinkles. It worked great for a long time, but it’s stripped out now and I’ve got these big bags under my eyes. What can you do about them?”
“Those aren’t bags! Those are your breasts! I told you to come back if you had any trouble!”
“Oh, then that explains the goatee!”
Mithuth Thmith(favorite joke)
The crowds had been packing the traveling “tent revival” every night that week, grateful offerings filling the pockets of the evangelist. Cure after cure was enacted in the sweltering heat of those July evenings. Emotions were at an all time high on the last night as the last two afflicted souls reached the evangelist at the front of the tent..
Struggling up the steps on her crutches poor Mrs. Smith hobbled up to the evangelist. “Heal me! I haven’t been able to walk without crutches in twenty years.”
“Yes, Sister! You will be healed! Go behind that curtain and wait with the others waiting for healing.” Mrs. Smith slRepostowly and painfully made her way behind the curtain.
Johnny Jones was the last in line. “I have a lifth. It hath made my life awful. Pleath heal me of my lifth!”
“Yes, Brother! You will be healed! Go behind the curtain with all the others and you will all be healed at once.”
The evangelist offered up a long, heartfelt prayer for healing. Weeping could be heard all over the tent. Finally, he concluded, calling out dramatically. “Mrs. Smith, you haven’t been able to walk without crutches for twenty years, have you?”
“No, Lord!” she replied from behind the curtain.
“You are healed! Throw your right crutch over the curtain.” Her right crutch clattered over the curtain. “Now throw your left crutch over the curtain.” The left crutch followed.
Thunderous “Amens!” echoed all over the tent.
“Johnny Jones, you are healed of your lisp. Call out to us in a loud, clear voice so all can hear!” demanded the evangelist!
“Mithuth Thmith just fell on her ath!”
Footloose and Fancyfree (Part 4)
Inez was good company, but didn’t worry much about germs. It kind of bothered Mother when she wiped the baby’s nose with the dish towel and then put it back in the dish pan. After that Mother told Inez not to bother with the dishes. She knew Inez was tired and needed a nap. Mother didn’t like it much when she let the twins run around without Continue reading
Sex Education in the 1950s
I learned all this valuable information back in the 1950’s with absolutely no sex education!
Probably until about the time I started school, I thought when people wanted a baby, they went to the hospital and picked one out from a collection there. Those that were not chosen grew up to be doctors and nurses. The sex of the baby was determined by the way the parents dressed it and fixed its hair.
Nutsrok 
