My grandma died December 16, 1964. I was devastated. She was always accepting of me and seemed not to notice my faults. She had mailed her Christmas gifts to us the morning of the evening of her death. The box arrived two or three days after her funeral. It was a macabre feeling, being anxious to find out what she’d sent, knowing she was in Continue reading
humor
Good Old Sue
Trouble had its own plan and always lurked in the shadows waiting to jump me. The simplest thing could go wrong. There was just no way to anticipate what was down the road. Billy and Troy were out of pocket when Uncle Parnell was ready to leave. Daddy sent me and Sue to look for them. Jamey and Froggy told us they had seen Continue reading
Fleas Come Home for Christmas, Willie Tharpe (Part 2)
Even Daddy, determined to be the “Man of the House,” found it hard to defend Willie Tharpe after Willie set the bed on fire, sneaked the dogs in the house, and left us with a maddening infestation of fleas that Christmas. Though he never acknowledged his embarrassment, Daddy never invited Willie to sleep in the house again. Periodically, Continue reading
On nobody’s Christmas List
Throughout my life, I’ve gotten a number of surprising to downright crazy gifts.
1. Armadillo made of dried manure.
2. Venus Fy Trap dead.
3. Yam pralines
4. Wormy Pecans
5. Paper Plates
6. Mens undershirts
7. Hand-embroidered horse head sweatshirt in fluorescent pink
8. Panties with messages printed across the rear: Hello! Wanna Be Friends? Do theses Panties Make My Butt Look Big?
9. Size 6 slippers
10. Moldy homemade Christmas treats.
All I Didn’t Want for Christmas!
If you have to exchange gifts at Christmas in large extended families, drawing names is the lesser of two evils. Fewer tasteless, outrageous gifts tantalize the hopeful. Desperate relatives save the expense and time spent shopping for hideous gifts that hit the trash or wait to be regifted the next Christmas. Continue reading
Farting in front of your partner… deal breaker?
This is hilarious! Reblogged from Cupid or Cats.
Yes, I’m a grown-up and I’m writing a blog entry about farting. Well, to be more specific, farting in front of your significant other. But before you decide that this is too immature even for an Adam Sandler film, just bear with me.
Recently, a friend of mine got engaged to her boyfriend of three years. When we went out for celebratory drinks, she motioned for me to come closer. She drunkenly whispered in my ear “I farted in front of my fiancé for the first time today.” I was completely astounded. How in the blue blazes did they get to engagement stage without overcoming this vital stage in a relationship? Oh, so you don’t think it’s important? Okay. Imagine you’re in a room full of ten people. Now ask yourself “what’s the most embarrassing thing that could happen to me in their company?” Behind crapping your pants (sorry), projectile…
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Fleas Go Home for Christmas, Willie Tharpe
Daddy wasn’t just a magnet for strange characters. He beat the bushes to flush them out. If that hadn’t worked, I believe he’d have up tacked up posters. Mother had no way of anticipating who he might drag in for supper, overnight, or until further notice. I never did understand why she didn’t murder Daddy. He must have slept sometime! Continue reading
Talking Dog (Joke)
A guy walks past a pet store. There is a sign in the window that says TALKING DOG FOR SALE.
The guy doesn’t believe it, but is curious, so he goes into the store and walks up the the talking dog and says “Hello”. The dog says “Hey. How you doin’?”
The guy says “Wow! You can really talk!” The dog says “Yep. That’s right” The guy says “What is it like being a talking dog?”
The dog says “Well, I’ve lived a very full life. I rescued Avalanche victims in The Alps. I worked as a drug sniffing dog for the FBI, and now I read to people in an old folks home five days a week.”
The guy is just blown away. He turns to the owner of the pet shop and says “Why in the world would you sell a dog like this???”
The pet show owner says “Because he’s a damn liar! He never did ANY of those things.”
Can you help me out? (Joke)
One Christmas Eve a panhandler approached a man passing on the street. “Excuse me, sir. Can you give me enough money for a meal?”
“If I give you twenty dollars, will you spend it on alcohol?”
“Oh no. I used to drink, but I gave it up years ago!”
“Well, would you spend it on guns and hunting equipment? ”
“No! I’ve never been hunting in my life.”
“What about fishing? Would you blow this money on fishing?”
“No! I’ve never cared a thing about fishing, either.”
He handed the panhandler the twenty, then said, “Okay, come on home with me. I’m going feed you a fine meal, get you a bath and some clean clothes and put you up for a few days. My wife needs to see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink, hunt, or fish!”
Nutsrok 