The funeral procession was making its way down the icy street when it hit a bad patch, spun in circles, hit a curb, and the back door flew open. The coffin came flying out, crashed through the front of a drug store, and slid along the counter where it stopped right in front of the poor horrified soda jerk who was struggling through his Continue reading
humor
I’m Cold, I’m Cold (Joke)
Two old friends were spending their evening idling their time away, drinking in the graveyard, as they were fond of doing.
One of them drifted off to sleep as the other stumbled and fell into an open grave. All was well for a while till the fellow in the grave sobered up a little and called out to his sleeping friend above. Continue reading
Epiphany on Retirement
We’ve been married more than forty years, but we both just retired. It’s like getting married, except no honeymoon. I get up early to write and make coffee. Bud gets up, fixes our coffee and we drink coffee for a while. I cook breakfast and tidy up a bit while Bud checks the history channel to see what Hitler is up to today or to see which Global Continue reading
Writing on the Toilet Walls (from Kathleen’s Memoirs of the Depression)
When I started first grade at Cuthand School, I took my reader home every night, and with Annie’s help, read several lessons ahead. I’d always longed to read, but by now had another incentive, although a secret one. The inside toilet walls at the school were covered with hundreds of words and sentences, all tantalizing out of my illiterate reach. Continue reading
Can’t Afford Urine! (From Kathleen’s memoirs of the 1930s)
After we finished our shopping, we walked across the square to the corner drugstore for ice-cream to wait for time for Mama to go see the doctor. We slid into a booth where I had to make a huge decision: chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla. I worried over it, quizzing Mama and Annie which was best, finally choosing vanilla, just like I always did. Annie let Continue reading
Watch Out, Missy!
It was the old farmer’s first time in the hospital. The split back gown was bad enough, but when the nurse had him roll on his side to get a rectal temperature, he squirmed and wiggled.
“Be still, Mr. Smith. I’m trying to check your temperature!”
“Well, watch out what your doing, Missy! You’re about to poke me right in the butt with that thing!”
Working Hard to Get to Heaven
Church was hard on me. All that sitting still and not talking were hard on a kid back when ADD was just called BAD. Believe me, I know. My prissy older sister, Phyllis, loved anything to do with church, making me look particularly bad. The only glimmer of hope was that she was slow and Mother threatened to leave her every Sunday. When I tried Continue reading
Too Sweet
Joe was in the hospital with his jaws wired. He was dying for a cup of coffee. He was so miserable the nurse finally offered to fixed him a coffee enema.
“How do you take your coffee?”
“Black with a little sugar.”
When she started the enema, he squirmed. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is It too hot?”
“No! Too damned sweet!”
The Funeral and the Big Hat Feud
Grandma Perkins always said she loved a good fight. Well, she must have died happy, because she and her daughter-in-law had a whing-dinger going when she had a stroke and keeled over. Ruby Nell was a sweet woman and didn’t usually get into it with Grandma, but hadn’t been able to avoid her that day. Her sons, Dave and Harry, and their Continue reading
Nutsrok 