Billy was a good eater. He was over six feet tall by the time he was twelve, worked hard every day and was always hungry. Since Daddy had known real hunger growing up during the depression, he encouraged him to “eat well.” Billy liked to drink his milk from a quart jar to cut down on troublesome refills, and he would hurt a kid over a piece of leftover fried Continue reading
humor
The Joy of Eavesdropping
Caution you may be offended. Contains adult content!
We all have different parenting styles.
I overheard a hilarious phone conversation a furious friend and co-worker had with her teenage daughter at work one day. (repeated verbatim)
“Kaylee, You been gittin’ in my drawers!”
Pause
“Yes you have! I can tell you been diggin’ around in there! Them’s f___ing panties! Is you f____ing!”
She slammed the phone down. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that little ‘ho! I can’t keep her out of my f___ing panties”
I was rolling on the floor, laughing.
When My Dog Stole Dentures: A Funny Guest Story
We had an edentulate guest for the last few days. I wouldn’t have otherwise noticed or mentioned this had my little dog not gotten involved. When my guest took her afternoon nap, she opted for comfort and modestly wrapped her dentures in a paper towel and tucked them in her slipper for safe-keeping. Izzy found this fascinating and investigated. He helped himself to the little packet and cuddled up with it in his bed where he hides all his treasures. When my guest awoke and found she’d been robbed, we instigated a search and his prize was confiscated.
How selfish of her!
Old Folks
Her Facts Didn’t Run
Our school was tiny. So tiny that even with two grades sharing a room and teacher, there were still usually less than fifteen students in the two grades. The good news was, if you didn’t learn everything you should have in second grade math, you got another crack at it in third grade while the new second grade covered the same material. Though each class used different books, the lessons sounded much the same. Continue reading
The Dangers of Carrying Cash: A Personal Experience
It is a bad idea for me to carry cash. If someone comes by raising money to treat nail fungus in chimeric tigers in Bangladesh, I’m in. Someone near and dear to me balances me out very well. When I was recently gathering up donation items for hurricane victims in Timbuktu to take to a drive at work, he came through and did a last minute rescue of Continue reading
Painting Joke
One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away
He’s a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other. Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them. After pondering the matter, he takes them to an appraiser. Not too long later the appraiser calls him: “I’ve finished my analysis, and I’ve got some good news. There’s no doubt at all that what you have is a genuine Van Gogh and a genuine Stradivarius.” The man is ecstatic: “I can sell these for millions!” The appraiser says “Well, you can sell them, and they’ll fetch some money for their novelty value. But not millions. You see, the truth is, Stradivarius wasn’t much of a painter… and Van Gogh made lousy violins.”
Wilson, Keppel, and Betty
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The Delightful Mischief of a Toddler Next Door
We lived nextdoor to a charming toddler for a while. I believe she got the personality quotient intended for the entire family. Abby and her parents came over for coffee with us one morning. I opened my pot and pan cabinet and gave the tiny girl full access, much to her delight. Armed with a sippy cup of milk, a bowl of vanilla wafers, and a couple of wooden spoons, she set to, making a mess of the cookies and milk stirred into the pots. Her tidy mom was appalled at the mess but we hadn’t had a baby playing on our kitchen flooring a long time, so we enjoyed it.
Abby banged the pots and made a destroyed the snacks. When satisfied with her work, she took a long, hard look at the wooden spoons in her possession. With renewed purpose, she examined the larger spoon, toddled over to her mother and shook the spoon in Mom’s face.
Giving her mom a hard look, Abby gritted her teeth, shook the spoon at Mom, and pronounced sternly,” I’m SICK!” Immediately, she stepped up her aggression, “I meat it!” (I mean it!)
Her mother was mortified at Abby’s mimicry. We didn’t even try to explain away our laughing at the toddler’s behavior. We let her take the spoon home with her, figuring it might even the odds.
Nutsrok 