Bud and I have been together for 73 years. This is our first photo together. I am the baby on right in fitst row. He is the little boy behind me. The photographer has us facing the sun, so we are shielding our faces. I remember always being posed facing the sun. Who know the rationale behind that?
Bud’s mother came to help out when I was born. She often said she should have pinched my head off when she had a chance. Live and learn. Our families were friends, so we grew up playing together. He was a nice boy, never mean to girls, so I always liked him.
He first started coming to visit on his own when I was seventeen. Our family was generally confused as to whom he was visiting. My sister and I thought he was interested in her, so I went to my room and read. I was always looking for a chance to read, anyway, since Daddy kept us really busy on the farm. My brother thought Bud was coming to see him.
The matter was further complicated since Bud had bashed his left thumb with a 24 lb. hammer . The doctor pushed the ball of his thumb back in place until it was approximately thumb shaped, stitched it to his nail, and splinted it. One week to the day, while he was still splinted, a sprocket fell on his right foot, breaking it. Consequently, he was effectively disabled on the right and left side, though his job kept him on, probably out of guilt. He didn’t feel much like a suitor during this period.
The next week, he pitched his crutches in the back of his truck on the way to the doctor. They blew out. He retrieved them but one had suffered the loss of a rubber tip, not optimal for a lame guy with no grip due to a smushed thumb. Bud managed to hobble in the doctor’s door before hitting a slick tile. One crutch went one way, one the other. Pulling himself up on receptionist’s desk,he inquired “Is there a doctor in the house?” It must have been horrifying to the staff who were trying to remain professional.
So, he did finally live through the indignities of his injuries. All the while, I got a good bit of reading done while Phyllis and Bill courted him. I suppose I was inadvertently playing hard to get. When he eventually got off the crutches, he asked me out. I don’t know which of the Swain kids was most surprised, me, Phyllis, or Billy.
We got married two years later, while we were still in college.
Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet? Right now the cops have nothing to go on…
Q: How are bodybuilders and plumbers alike? A: They both love pumping iron.
Q: What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on? A: A royal flush is better than a full house.
A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak and fix one too!
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves………?
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?”
A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .
There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn’t latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.
First, the wild rabbit takes the lab rabbit to a field of lettuce and the two munch on lettuce to their hearts’ content.
Wild rabbit then says “Let me take you to an even better field” and heads to a field of carrots where they munch contentedly on all the carrots they want.
Then wild rabbit says “Now let me take you to the best field of all” and takes lab rabbit to a field full of female rabbits. The rabbits enter the field and (you know what they say about rabbits) proceed to have sex all night long.
At dawn the rabbits are exhausted and content and lab rabbit announces “Well, I’m heading back to the lab”
Wild rabbit says “Why??!!? I showed you the field of lettuce, the field of carrots and the field where you can have as much sex as you want!”
Lab rabbit says “Yeah, that was all great, but I’m dying for a cigarette
The Rabbit
A man with a hunting dog lived next door to a woman with a rabbit hutch in her backyard.
One day, he came home to find his dog with the rabbit in its’ mouth, dead. The man was horrified but knew his dog would be sent away if the neighbors thought it was a danger to other pets. So he took the rabbits’ body, cleaned it off and placed it back in the hutch to make it appear as though the animal died of natural causes.
The next week, he saw the neighbors’ husband return home and started up a conversation. “How is everything?”
“Not good” said the neighbor- “My wife’s still in the hospital. She’s suffered a tremendous shock.”
“Oh no,” said the first man- “What happened?”
“Her rabbit passed away” said the husband.
“That’s terrible!” said the man. “I knew she loved him very much. She must’ve been heartbroken!”
“Well,” said the husband “at first I thought she was doing OK. But then a couple days after we buried the rabbit someone dug it back up and put it back in the damn cage!”
We went places and saw people that normal people never encountered. I think he just need a “trash fix” from time to time. He’d heard of somebody who lived back in the woods about four miles off Tobacco Road who had something he might be interested in buying. He had to check it out, driving forever down muddy roads that looked like they might peter off into nothing. Finally we got back to Mr. Tucker’s shack. The old man was wearing unbuttoned overalls and nothing else. While Daddy and Mr. Tucker disappeared into the tangle of weeds and mess of old cars, car tires, trash, dead washing machines and other refuse behind the house, Mother and the kids sat in the car. It was hot. Daddy was gone. It got hotter. Daddy was still gone. We opened the car doors, hoping to catch a breeze. It got hotter and hotter. The baby was squalling. Mrs. Tucker, a big woman in overalls came out in the front yard and started a fire, never even looking our way, probably thinking our car was just another junk car in the yard. As the sun blazed overhead, we begged Mother to ask Mrs. Tucker for a drink of water. Somewhere in the wilderness, Daddy was still admiring Mr. Tucker’s junk collection. He could talk for hours, unconcerned that his family was waiting in misery. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know the people he had imposed himself on. We spent many a miserable hour waiting in the car while he “talked,” usually on the way to visit some of his relatives.
Finally, in desperation, Mother got out of the car, introduced herself to Mrs. Tucker, and asked if we could have a drink of water. Turning without speaking, she disappeared into the house, returning with some cloudy snuff glasses. Calling us over to the well, she drew a bucket of water, and let us drink till we were satisfied. That was the best water I ever had. Mrs. Tucker pulled a couple of chairs under a shade tree and Mother sat down. We all sat down in the dirt in the cool of the shade and played. Daddy was still gone but things looked a lot better after we cooled off and had a drink. Mrs. Tucker was interesting to look at, but didn’t have a lot to say. She had a couple of teeth missing, greasy red hair in a bowl cut, and long scratches down both arms.
Mother tried to converse, but Mrs. Tucker didn’t have a lot to say. I couldn’t take my eyes off the missing teeth and long scratches down her arm. I started talking to her. She didn’t have any kids. It didn’t take long to figure out she “wasn’t right.” I was fascinated and wanted to ask about what happened to the teeth, but knew what that would get me, so I asked instead about her scratched arms. Mother hushed me up but that topic inspired Mrs. Tucker. It seem, she was going to put a rooster in the big pot in the front yard to scald before plucking. He scratched her and escaped before she could get the lid on. Apparently she didn’t know she was supposed to kill him first. Just at the point where things were getting interesting, Daddy came back and I didn’t get to hear the rest of the story.
Mrs. Tucker sent us home with a turkey that day, teaching me a valuable lesson. Don’t ever accept the gift of a turkey. Ol’ Tom was to be the guest of honor at our Thanksgiving Dinner. Daddy put him in the chicken yard and Tom took over, whipping the roosters, terrorizing the hens, and jumping on any kid sent to feed poultry. We hated him. Mother brandished a stick to threaten him when she had to visit to the chicken yard. He even flew over the fence and chased us as we played in the back yard till Daddy clipped his wings.
Before too long, we saw the Nickerson kids, the meanest kids in the neighborhood, headed for the chicken yard. Mother couldn’t wait to see Tom get them. Sure enough, Ol’ Devil Tom jumped out from behind a shed on jumped on the biggest boy, Clarence. Clarence yelped and ran at Ol’ Tom, his mean brothers close on his heels, flogging Ol’ Tom mercilessly. Unlike us, they didn’t run out with their tails tucked between their legs. They launched an all-out attack on Tom, beating him with their jackets, sticks, and whatever they could grab. They chased him till they tired of the game. Tom never chased any of us again, but Mother never got around to thanking the Nickersons.
Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.
NUMBER TWO:
A librarian was very sad and alone in the library one day as there was no one around for her to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumped up and gave each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then for the third time the chickens returned screeching “bouk bouk”, but this time being suspicious the librarian gave each chicken only one book and explained that they could only borrow more books once that had returned the others. As the chickens left the librarian slowly followed behind to see where all the chickens and the books were going. The chickens came to a stop by a pond and started throwing the books into the water. Appalled the librarian ran forward to tell them to stop but she suddenly noticed there were some frogs in the pond grabbing the books and throwing them back croaking behind “red-it… red-it”.
NUMBER THREE:
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
NUMBER FOUR:
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer, “what’s up with these chickens?”
The farmer said, “Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.”
The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, “don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”
NUMBER FIVE:
Psychiatrist: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I think I’m a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I came out of my shell.
NUMBER SIX:
Q: What do you call a scary chicken?
A: A poultrygeist.
NUMBER SEVEN:
A man runs to the psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The psychiatrist asks, “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the psychiatrist.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We needed the eggs.”
NUMBER EIGHT:
NUMBER ONE:
Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.
NUMBER TWO:
A librarian was very sad and alone in the library one day as there was no one around for her to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumped up and gave each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then for the third time the chickens returned screeching “bouk bouk”, but this time being suspicious the librarian gave each chicken only one book and explained that they could only borrow more books once that had returned the others. As the chickens left the librarian slowly followed behind to see where all the chickens and the books were going. The chickens came to a stop by a pond and started throwing the books into the water. Appalled the librarian ran forward to tell them to stop but she suddenly noticed there were some frogs in the pond grabbing the books and throwing them back croaking behind “red-it… red-it”.
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
NUMBER FOUR:
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
A man runs to the psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The psychiatrist asks, “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the psychiatrist.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We needed the eggs.”
NUMBER EIGHT:
NUMBER ONE:
Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.
NUMBER TWO:
A librarian was very sad and alone in the library one day as there was no one around for her to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumped up and gave each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then for the third time the chickens returned screeching “bouk bouk”, but this time being suspicious the librarian gave each chicken only one book and explained that they could only borrow more books once that had returned the others. As the chickens left the librarian slowly followed behind to see where all the chickens and the books were going. The chickens came to a stop by a pond and started throwing the books into the water. Appalled the librarian ran forward to tell them to stop but she suddenly noticed there were some frogs in the pond grabbing the books and throwing them back croaking behind “red-it… red-it”.
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
NUMBER FOUR:
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
A man runs to the psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The psychiatrist asks, “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the psychiatrist.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We needed the eggs.”
NUMBER EIGHT:
NUMBER ONE:
Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.
NUMBER TWO:
A librarian was very sad and alone in the library one day as there was no one around for her to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumped up and gave each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then for the third time the chickens returned screeching “bouk bouk”, but this time being suspicious the librarian gave each chicken only one book and explained that they could only borrow more books once that had returned the others. As the chickens left the librarian slowly followed behind to see where all the chickens and the books were going. The chickens came to a stop by a pond and started throwing the books into the water. Appalled the librarian ran forward to tell them to stop but she suddenly noticed there were some frogs in the pond grabbing the books and throwing them back croaking behind “red-it… red-it”.
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
NUMBER FOUR:
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
A man runs to the psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The psychiatrist asks, “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the psychiatrist.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We needed the eggs.”
NUMBER EIGHT:
NUMBER ONE:
Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.
NUMBER TWO:
A librarian was very sad and alone in the library one day as there was no one around for her to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumped up and gave each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then for the third time the chickens returned screeching “bouk bouk”, but this time being suspicious the librarian gave each chicken only one book and explained that they could only borrow more books once that had returned the others. As the chickens left the librarian slowly followed behind to see where all the chickens and the books were going. The chickens came to a stop by a pond and started throwing the books into the water. Appalled the librarian ran forward to tell them to stop but she suddenly noticed there were some frogs in the pond grabbing the books and throwing them back croaking behind “red-it… red-it”.
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
NUMBER FOUR:
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
Danny Lloyd, aka Rooster, aka Winston, aka Pizza Pop, passed away on April 25th at the age of 64, “to avoid having to pay taxes for the past year and to avoid another year of his New York Yankees not winning the World Series.”
A celebration of life will be held at 5:00 pm on Sunday, May 20, 2018 at Davidson Funeral Home in Lexington. The family will receive friends following the service.
Danny is survived by his sons, Frank Callicutt (Beth) and Chris Lloyd; daughters, Abbie Callicutt and Heather Lloyd, all of Lexington and five grandchildren; Mary Lloyd, Annabell and Abbie Callicutt, and Liam and Charlie Blackerby. He is also survived by three siblings; James Lloyd (Tanya), David Lloyd and Suzie Lloyd. He was preceded in death by his parents, Charles and Barbara Kimball Lloyd.
He was a generous man – giving away many of his possessions in the months before he died. He even left his car to twelve different friends, depending upon who visited him last. He was a life-long ticket scalper and broker, or as he called it “a facilitator of supply/demand economics.” Once when asked about any regrets from his ticket sales, Danny confessed, “There was that time I told a Carolina fan that he needed to buy my ticket immediately if he wanted to hear Dean Smith sing the National Anthem.”
Danny was cremated – for two reasons: There could be no viewing since his family refused to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a sign saying “Buying Tickets” in one hand, and in his other hand a sign saying “Selling Tickets” so that he would appear natural and life-like to his visitors.
Because his brother played football for Wake Forest University, Danny was a lifelong Demon Deacon fan, and he had respectfully requested six Wake Forest pall bearers so that the “Deacs” could “let him down” one last time.
Danny has informed Hampton Inn that they can finally reinstate their pledge to not charge anyone who is not 100% satisfied, as he will no longer be staying there.
For those attending his memorial service, please ignore Danny’s scalper friends who might be offering to upgrade your seat for a small price. To any crooks reading this: None of the family and friends attending this service have anything of value. Remember, he gave his car to a dozen of us. And one of his sons is Chris “Country” Lloyd, so it is certainly not worth the risk.
Danny Lloyd loved his siblings a little bit, and his children even more. But those grandkids…they stole his heart. They were the reason he lived his final 4 years with a sober mind and a giving heart.
An elderly couple were attending a church service. About halfway through the wife leans over to her husband and says, “I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?”
He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
Job interview:
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss. The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?” The man says, “I’m probably too honest.” The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.” The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
There are three signs of old age. The first is loss of memory. I forget the other two.
Question: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? Answer: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Bud has four sisters. For some reason, they are all crazy about him, though he teased them mercilessly. His favorite thing was to get all four and his poor mother laughing, knowing they’d all be about to pee their pants. Out of respect, Mom got first chance at the potty and all four girls would be lined up on the side of the bathtub. That’s when he knew he’d scored!
Nutsrok 