TOP 10 USES FOR HOLIDAY FRUITCAKES
10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.
9. Use instead of sand bags during El Nino.
8. Send to U.S. Air Force, let troops drop them.
7. Use as railroad ties.
6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag racers.
5. Collect ten and use them as bowling pins.
4. Use instead of cement shoes.
3. Save for next summer’s garage sale.
2. Use slices in next skeet-shooting competition.
1. Two words pin cushion.
My adorable niece wants to wish you a Merry Christmas and Joyous New Year!
Daddy got another phone call from Ralphie, the kid down the road.
“Mr. Bill?”
“Hey, Ralphie. What’s going on?”
“I wrote a poem at school and won a contest.” (On his last phone call, he’d reported making all D’s and F’s and having the papers to prove it)
“Well, that’s great, Ralphie! I’m glad you’re doing better at school.”
“I won first at my school, then at district. But when they took it to state, the judge said it came out of World Book and they threw it out.”
“Well, why did they do that?
“Because it came out of World Book. Bye”
I thought I was giving Izzy at treat and inadvertently introduced stress into his happy little life. He is now obsessed with this chew. He normally spends a good bit of his time lap-sitting but the last couple of days, he’s been moving this to keep it out of our big dog’s reach. He seems to derive no please from it. I think I may need to swap it out for a toy so he can get back to business as normal.
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
My life is better in some ways than I had hoped. Last year at this time , my ninety-six-year-old Mother lived alone in her home. I spent a great deal of my time helping her, taking her to do errands, and just taking her out. Despite all the time I spent with her, I knew it wasn’t enough. She was starved for company and wasn’t thriving. Her weight was dropping and she was weak. With encouragement, she made the difficult decision to move into an independent living apartment, an excellent decision.
She enjoys sharing meals with her friends in the dining room, has walks twice a day, has gained weight, and attends church again. Every day she tells me how happy she is now. I visit her two to three times a week because I want to, not because she needs my care. Both our lives are much better.
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The December after I turned six years old, I hatched a plot. I’d leave a note for Santa asking to accompany him on his rounds. I felt sure if I asked nicely, he’d wake me up and take me along. though Mother assured me it wouldn’t happen. I laboriously wrote this note.
Dear Santa,
I have been good. Can I go with you ? I hate dolls. I want a BB gun and a blue bicycle. I love you.
Linda
About bedtime, Mother said she heard the jingle bells on Santa’s sleigh. I flew to the door to try to catch Santa but didn’t catch him. Mother sent me to bed since he wouldn’t come until I went to sleep. It took me forever to go to sleep. I was disappointed to wake up in the morning and find I’d been left at home.
We knew not to go in to see if Santa had come before waking our parents. Mother dragged out the anticipation by making coffee before we went to see what Santa had brought. When we were finally allowed in, Mother pointed out a note taped to TV screen, “Linda, did you think you could catch me?”
My parents laughed but I was devastated. Not only did Santa ditch me, he thought it was funny.
When I opened my presents, I got a life-sized baby doll that could pee its diaper. I threw it down and stomped my foot, “I hate dolls. I wanted a BB gun.” I got a spat and a warning to behave myself. Mother pointed out the biggest package under the tree with my name on it. I tore into it only to find a tin tea set with a Dutch boy and girl on it. I wanted to throw a fit but knew what that would get me.
Seeing my disappointment, Mother tried to distract me. “Here open this present from Grandma.” It was the twin of the doll that had already gotten me in trouble. My sister got a blue bicycle. I found out later that day my two boy cousins my age got BB guns.
The only thing that saved my Christmas was finding a big red rocking horse behind the tree. I loved it.
The only time I ever played with those accursed dolls was when my cousin Sue and I treated them to a funeral the next summer. My mother was a slow learner. I got a doll the next two Christmases as well.
‘I can too show gratitude. I’m just saving it for the right moment.
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