Irish joke

Irish Jokes

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

“Lord,” he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: “Never mind, I found one!”

Paddy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.

The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.

When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.

The barman says: “Wow! You sure drank those fast.”

Paudie explains: “You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”

The barman asks: “What do you have?”

The guy reaches into his pocket and says: “Fifty cents!”

Seamus opens the newspaper and is shocked to see his OWN obituary.

In a panic, he phones his friend and asks: “Did you see the paper?! They say I died!”

The friend replies: “Yes, I saw it! So, where ya calling from?”

Another Irish Joke

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” 

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. 

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” 
“Of Course,” replies the second man. 

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?” 
“Dublin,” comes the reply. 
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. 
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man. 

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: 
“What school did you go to?” 
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. 
“I graduated in ’62.” 

“This is unbelievable!” the first man says. 
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. 
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender. 
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

Irish Joke

A Irishman is walking along the beach. He finds a bottle and rubs it; out comes a genie. The genie agrees to grant him three wishes.

The Irishman says, “I’ve been walking on this beach all day. I’m so thirsty. I wish I could have a mug of beer that never ends.” Poof, a frosty mug of beer appears. He drinks it down and sure enough, it fills up again.

The Irishman drinks that mug down. And it magically refills. He drinks again; it refills again. By this time he’s beginning to feel the effects, but the genie is also getting a big irritated. He’s tapping his feet, looking at his watch, etc., and finally the genie says, “I got places to be. Have you decided on your other two wishes?”

The Irishman, staggering around by this time, looks at the mug as it fills up again, thinks for a minute, and says, “Yeah, just give me two more of these.”