A friend of mine recently visited Vermont from his home in Boston.
He had rented a rustic cabin, far from any people, deep in the North Country, hoping to get “away from it all”.
Sure nuff, after a long Autumn and early and snowy Winter had set in, Christmas approached; my friend began to long for some human contact.
Then across the frozen lake in front of him, a lone snowmobile approached. Slowly and surely it came closer till at last it stopped in front of him, and a lone bearded rider dismounted.
“Howdy, you interested in goin’ to a party?”
Without waiting for a reply he went on:
“Goin’ to have some good music”
“That’s great”
“Going to be lots of good food;”
“All right, I could use some home cooking”
“ there is goin’ to be some drinkin’, and there is goin’ to be some swearin’ ”,.
“No problem.”
“and there is goin’ to be some fightin.”
“Oh that’s okay”, said my friend, “I can just stay in the background”.
“And there is goiin’ to be some sex”.
My friend laughed. “Say, when is this party going to be anyway?”
“Its tonight” said the stranger.
“Well, I’d like to come so I better get dressed”
“Naw, no need to” smiled the stranger, “it ‘ill just be the two of us.”
joke
Message to Husband
A wife sending a short message to her husband:
It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I’m worried about you!. Please, give me a ring…
Evening Chuckle
A father of three beautiful daughters, being a good father, always liked to meet their dates before they went out. On this particular sat. evening all three had dates, when the first one arrived the father opened the door, he was a nice looking young man, and he said, good evening sir, my name is Eddy i’m here to pick up Betty we’re going out for spaghetti is she ready? The father called Betty and they left. When second one arrived the father opened the door, the young man said, hello sir my name is Joe i’m here to pick up Flo — we’re going to the show can she go? So the father called Flo and they left. When the third one finely arrived, the father opened the door to a rather scruffy looking young man. and the boy said my name is Chuck… so the father shot him.
Evening Chuckle
Three priests went on vacation. Before going to the beach, they shopped for flashiy attire, so as not to be identified as priests. As they settled rhemselves on the beach chairs in their tropical shirts, shorts, beach hats, and huge umbrellas, a gorgeous topless blonde with melon size boobs wearing nothing but a white thong sauntered by, winked and said, “”Good morning, Fathers.” They were stunned.
“What gave us away?” they wondered.
They purchased even more flashy clothing, including sunglaglasses to better disguise themselves the next day. The same gorgeous blonde strolled by, only she was nude this time. “Well, Fathers. Are you having a good day?”
“How in the world do you know we are priests dressed like this? one of them asked.
“”Why I’d know you anywhere! Don’t yo recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!”
Evening Chuckle
When Pop’s son was born, he had no arms, no legs, no torso, just a head. Nevertheless, he was a fine boy. Pop was proud of him. On his twenty-first birthday, Pop carried his son, the Head, into the bar, set the Head up on the bar and called out for the bartender to bring him a shot of his finest whiskey. “I wouldn’t do that!” said the bartender.
“”Bring’em a whiskey. It’s his birthday!” He propped the Head up , tossed the whiskey back, and the Head popped out two arms! Pop was thrilled! “Get him another one!” ”
“No” said the bartender. “Don’t do it.”
“Bring him another one!” The bartender brought him another, against his best judgment. The Head drinks and Boom! He has two legs. He’s a perfect specimen. The bar rors with applause!
Pop is thrilled! He hugs his boy and says, “Come on, son. Let’s go across the street and I’ll buy you a suit of clothes! We’re going out to paint the town!”
“No! No!” dries the bartender,””Don’t don’t do that!”
They ignored him. As they crossed the street, they were run over by a truck and smashed to smithereens! “Happens every time,” said the bartender. “Should’ve quit while they were a head.”
Joke
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different!
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”
Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”
–
Evening Chuckle
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson …
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, “TIMES UP”?
– See more at: http://thebesthilariousjokes.blogspot.com/2011/05/old-italian-mafia-don-is-dying-and-he.html#sthash.EbNCi8EO.dpuf
Evening Chuckle
A ventriloquist comes onto the stage with his dummy and starts his act. One bit requires his dummy to tell Dumb-Blonde Jokes. After a few jokes, an angry blonde woman finally stands up and starts speaking her mind.
“I have had it with the stereotyping of all blondes being stupid!” the woman yells, and she continues ranting on about this.
Finally, the ventriloquist says, “Sorry ma’am …”
The woman cuts him off by saying, “You stay out of this. I’m talkin’ to the dummy.”
Evening Chuckle
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
“Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!” Says the man.
“Oh, well there’s this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want.”
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
“You grant wishes right?”
“Yes.” replies the genie.
“Hmm, I’d like a million bucks.”
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
“Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!”
His friends sitting at the table replies,
“Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?”
Nutsrok 