Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away. One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it dissappeared! The parrot said “It’s in his pocket, it’s in his pocket”. The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished. Again, the parrot said, “It’s up his sleeve! It’s up his sleeve!” The magician got mad because he couldn’t keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.
One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about 3 months when the parrot, all of a sudden, burst out and asked:
“Ok, I give up! Where’d you hide the ship?”
jokes
That Explains It!
Suzy went to her plastic surgeon. “You’ve got to do something about these wrinkles under my eyes. They look just awful!”
“Sure, I can fix you right up!” said Dr. Jones. “I’ll put this little knob on top of your head. Give it a little twist, and Voila!! The wrinkles are gone! Come back if you have any trouble”
Sure enough, it worked like magic. Suzy was thrilled! She was a new woman! She looked like she was eighteen again! Every time her face drooped a little, she gave the knob a little twist.
Five years later, Suzy came back to see Dr. Jones. “You fixed me up a while back with this little knob to tighten up my wrinkles. It worked great for a long time, but it’s stripped out now and I’ve got these big bags under my eyes. What can you do about them?”
“Those aren’t bags! Those are your breasts! I told you to come back if you had any trouble!”
“Oh, then that explains the goatee!”
Mithuth Thmith(favorite joke)
The crowds had been packing the traveling “tent revival” every night that week, grateful offerings filling the pockets of the evangelist. Cure after cure was enacted in the sweltering heat of those July evenings. Emotions were at an all time high on the last night as the last two afflicted souls reached the evangelist at the front of the tent..
Struggling up the steps on her crutches poor Mrs. Smith hobbled up to the evangelist. “Heal me! I haven’t been able to walk without crutches in twenty years.”
“Yes, Sister! You will be healed! Go behind that curtain and wait with the others waiting for healing.” Mrs. Smith slRepostowly and painfully made her way behind the curtain.
Johnny Jones was the last in line. “I have a lifth. It hath made my life awful. Pleath heal me of my lifth!”
“Yes, Brother! You will be healed! Go behind the curtain with all the others and you will all be healed at once.”
The evangelist offered up a long, heartfelt prayer for healing. Weeping could be heard all over the tent. Finally, he concluded, calling out dramatically. “Mrs. Smith, you haven’t been able to walk without crutches for twenty years, have you?”
“No, Lord!” she replied from behind the curtain.
“You are healed! Throw your right crutch over the curtain.” Her right crutch clattered over the curtain. “Now throw your left crutch over the curtain.” The left crutch followed.
Thunderous “Amens!” echoed all over the tent.
“Johnny Jones, you are healed of your lisp. Call out to us in a loud, clear voice so all can hear!” demanded the evangelist!
“Mithuth Thmith just fell on her ath!”
Hat (Joke)
Golda Bernstein took her five year-old grandson to the beach. Her heart swelled with pride as she stood with her darling grandson dressed in his blue and white sailor suit viewing the majesty of the ocean. Suddenly a rogue wave washed in, picked him up, and swept him away, leaving everything else nearby dry and unscathed.
Golda raised her hands to the sky and demanded of God, “How can you so cruelly take my grandson and leave me here to suffer? What kind of God are you?”
In a moment, another wave appeared from nowhere returning the child to her, safe and well.
She raised her arms heavenward. “He had a hat!”
That Explains It!
The blonde went to her plastic surgeon. “You’ve got to do something about these wrinkles under my eyes. They look just awful!”
“Sure, I can fix you right up!” said Dr. Jones. “I’ll put this little knob on top of your head. Give it a little twist, and Voila!! The wrinkles are gone! Come back if you have any trouble”
Sure enough, it worked like magic. The blonde was thrilled! She was a new woman! She looked like she was eighteen again! Every time her face drooped a little, she gave the knob a little twist.
Five years later the blonde came back to see Dr. Jones. “You fixed me up a while back with this little knob to tighten up my wrinkles. It worked great for a long time, but it’s stripped out now and I’ve got these big bags under my eyes. What can you do about them?”
“Those aren’t bags! Those are your breasts! I told you to come back if you had any trouble!”
“Oh, then that explains the goatee!”
Mithuth Thmith(favorite joke)
The crowds had been packing the traveling “tent revival” every night that week, grateful offerings filling the pockets of the evangelist. Cure after cure was enacted in the sweltering heat of those July evenings. Emotions were at an all time high on the last night as the last two afflicted souls reached the evangelist at the front of the tent..
Struggling up the steps on her crutches poor Mrs. Smith hobbled up to the evangelist. “Heal me! I haven’t been able to walk without crutches in twenty years.”
“Yes, Sister! You will be healed! Go behind that curtain and wait with the others waiting for healing.” Mrs. Smith slowly and painfully made her way behind the curtain.
Johnny Jones was the last in line. “I have a lifth. It hath made my life awful. Pleath heal me of my lifth!”
“Yes, Brother! You will be healed! Go behind the curtain with all the others and you will all be healed at once.”
The evangelist offered up a long, heartfelt prayer for healing. Weeping could be heard all over the tent. Finally, he concluded, calling out dramatically. “Mrs. Smith, you haven’t been able to walk without crutches for twenty years, have you?”
“No, Lord!” she replied from behind the curtain.
“You are healed! Throw your right crutch over the curtain.” Her right crutch clattered over the curtain. “Now throw your left crutch over the curtain.” The left crutch followed.
Thunderous “Amens!” echoed all over the tent.
“Johnny Jones, you are healed of your lisp. Call out to us in a loud, clear voice so all can hear!” demanded the evangelist!
“Mithuth Thmith just fell on her ath!”
Nutsrok 