Mother was born at home in 1928 four miles outside the tiny town of Cuthand, Texas. The irascible old doctor who was summoned to attend her delivery arrived after she did. He hastily checked out mother and baby and headed to his next call.
Kathleen’s impoverished parents didn’t send for a copy of Kathleen’s birth certificate till she was thirteen and neede it to qualify her for an allotment as a military dependent during World War II. To their surprise, after a lengthy investigation, they found out the ancient doctor had forgotten the information he’d been given and randomly filed Kathleen’s name as Bessie May Rosie Holdaway.
Kathleen had never been particularly been fond of her given name until she found she could have been laboring under the burdensome name of Bessie May Rosie.
Long ago in a land faraway, no decent woman, no matter how svelte, would have been caught going without a tortuous girdle. Mother was a decent woman. Just before embarking on a train trip to visit her family in Texas, she updated her wardrobe with the latest in girdles, a latex model interspersed with tiny holes for ventilation. After struggling into it on the morning of her departure, she was gratified to notice it was all its designers had promised. Her backside and belly were flat as a board, just as she’d hoped. Moreover, the girdle fit snugly without lines to show through her sleek skirt. Though she craved a backside and belly flat as an ironing board, she felt a curvy bosom was just the look she needed, an easy fix. Sliding foam rubber falsies into the empty cups of her new bra, she looked good!
Rounding up her six-year-old and three-year old daughters and eight-month-old baby, she slipped into her new patent leather high heels so Bill could take her to the train. It felt wonderful knowing she looked so shapely.
The long train trip was an intimidating prospect for a mother traveling with three little ones. Her diaper bag, travel bag, and purse were stuffed with bottles, snacks, toys, books, drinks, lunch, and changes of clothes for the little ones. The little girls helped with the parcels and bags, but Kathleen was constantly on the alert for their loss. The high humidity and heat made all of them miserable. The baby whined and the three -year-old fidgeted. Kathleen drank and ate as little as possible to keep bathroom trips to a minimum, but naturally, the girls made up for it. Six long hours later, her folks met them at the depot. The grandparents joyously relieved her of the children and her burdens. Because the fierce heat had dehydrated her, she’d only had to relieve herself once early in the trip, a mercy. She was dying for a drink of water and the bathroom once she got to comfort of her parent’s house. The bathroom was her first stop. The girdle had gotten really snug with the cooperation of her body temperature and the blazing South Texas heat. Dancing with the demands of her bladder, it took a bit to work her fingers under the damp, rubbery girdle. Impatiently, she gave it a tug, snatching it down in desperation. Aghhhhh! It felt as though she was being skinned. As she had perspired and moved about, her much more compliant skin worked itself into the ventilation holes of the industrial strength girdle. Upon removal, rubber monster left her covered in tiny red blisters from her waist to her thighs. As if that weren’t enough, the rubber falsies had blistered her bosoms.
The foundation garments hit the trash and on her trip home, she sported a flat chest and bouncy bottom. Live and learn.
Kathleen was dressed to the nines when Bill got in the next evening. “Let’s go out to supper!” I got paid! His mood was contagious. Kathleen made sure no one else wanted the bathroom, cleaned the tub, and drew him a bath. She laid out his washcloth and soap on the edge of the tub and put his towel and underwear on the toilet seat. Pleased with herself, she told Bill his bath was ready. He was delighted. “Nobody’s ever done for me this way before. You are quite a girl.” Kathleen was so happy to have been a “good wife.”
After he bathed and dressed they walked downstairs together to pay the rent. He turned on the charm for Mrs. Martin “I heard you got worried about the rent. You know I ain’t gonna forget about my best girl.” he teased.
“Oh now! You know better than that. I knew payday was today and you’d catch me up.” The rent went straight in her apron pocket! She cut a look at Kathleen.
Never one for a confrontation, though Kathleen was miffed, she let it go. Not twelve hours ago, the old bat was dunning her. Laughing, Bill hurried her out. An older black truck pulled up as they stepped off the porch. It was Bill’s friend, Bobo and his girlfriend, Lucy. Bobo was as friendly as a speckled pup. Lucy admired Kathleen’s yellow dress.”Ooh! I love your yellow dress! I got one exactly like it ‘cept it’s blue.” Bobo and Lucy were a comical looking couple like Jack Sprat and his wife.
“Bill, maybe you ought’a drive. I already had a couple of nips.” I don’t want to git in no trouble. Bill slid under the steering wheel, Kathleen next to him. Bony Bobo took his place on the passenger’s side. The portly Lucy hoisted herself on his lap, squashing him. A prolonged “oof!” escaped him. Kathleen who only weighed about a hundred pounds, felt sympathy for the poor guy.
“Do you want me to sit on your lap?” she questioned him, meaning trade places with chubby Lucy.
“Oh God no! “ he squeaked crushed under his girl. “Lucy here is already way too heavy all by herself!”
Laughing hysterically, their evening got off to a merry start.
“Is he tired of me already? What did I do wrong? Is he going to leave me. Do I want a man who drinks and gambles? Decent men don’t act like this! What have I gotten myself into? …and his brothers? They’re awful! I wouldn’t trust that Edward as far as I could throw him. Parnell isn’t even ashamed he’s running around on his wife and blowing his pay on a trashy woman while his mama’s taking care of his wife and kids. That’s just lowdown.” For the first of many times, she berated herself for her hasty marriage. “Was it too late to get out? How do you even get a marriage annulled? Mama and Daddy didn’t even know she was married yet! How could she face them after making such a mess of her life? If only he hadn’t walked into the cafe and flirted with her. Why hadn’t Annie told her to wait a while?”
As if once wasn’t enough, she castigated herself over and over, giving into weeping between each round. Aimlessly, she tried to divert herself by reading a murder mystery, doing her nails, and putting her hair in pin curls. So far, Bill hadn’t seen her hair pinned up, but what did it matter now? She tiptoed down to the kitchen to return the coffee cups and bumped into Mrs. Martin. Humiliated by her swollen eyes and pin curls, she tried to duck out. Mrs. Martin stopped her. “I know them boys is up there playing poker. They better not forget tomorrow’s rent day. Bill owes me for two weeks.”
She was horrified! He took their last money to gamble and was behind on rent! What kind of mess had she gotten herself into? Before going upstairs, she listened outside out the door where they were playing. She heard a man’s voice, “No you ain’t quitting yet!You got to give me a chance to win my money back!”
“Was that Bill?” She couldn’t tell. Miserably, she crept up to her room and to bed. After an eternity, she slept. About two am, the light awoke her. Bill was in an expensive mood. He hugged her and spread his winnings out on the bed.
” Look at this, Sweetheart! I won more than a hundred dollars. It’s more than enough to settle the rent and buy you something pretty.We’ll go get you a new dress Saturday and then go see your Mama and Daddy . I want them to know I can take care of my wife.”
Kathleen’s troubles melted away in her handsome husband’s arms. How could she have doubted him? She was a lucky woman!
Powdered and perfumed, Kathleen was all dolled up when Bill got in. “You sure are pretty,I’m a lucky man, “ he said as he hugged her.” “We better get down to supper before they hog it all up!” She was still bashful about eating in front of him, so she just ate a little jello and salad. “Do you want my meatloaf?”she offered, though her stomach was growling.
“Sure, if you’re not gonna eat it.” The platter was making its second round and the last slice was going on Edward’s plate. Though Mrs. Martin laid a generous table, with six hungry men, everything was gobbled up down to the last biscuit. When she brought out the fried pies, Kathleen smiled and passed hers over to Bill.
“Are you sure?” he asked, though it was already half gone. “You sure don’t eat much.” It was so gratifying that he’d noticed.
They took their coffee back to the room, promising to bring the cups back. Kathleen was looking forward to another romantic evening. She hung her dress up to air and slipped into a light gown and duster.
“Kathleen, do you have any of that five dollars left? I want to go play poker with the boys and all I have is two bucks and change.” Kathleen was shocked at his wanting the money back, and for poker of all things. Her daddy would never have played poker!
“Uh, I have $1.46. Let me get my purse.” She dug the money out. He was out the door.
She was devastated. Bill had taken the last of their money to play poker! Why would he do that? Coming from a home where every penny was precious, she couldn’t imagine how he could just throw money away. She was angry and scared. Who had she married?
Heat monkeys danced on the blacktop ahead of the bus bumping its way toward Box Elder. Kathleen avoided a plate-sized puddle of melted tar as she stepped off the bus. She didn’t want that on her new white sandals. Despite her care, they were dusty soon enough. The boarding house was a good quarter mile from the main highway. Cotton grew on both sides, as far as she could. The heat and humidity in East Texas were palpable by early July. She wished she’d gotten back earlier. She peeked in on Mrs. Martin and found her headed to her room for a nap. “Honey, if you want some lunch there’s egg salad and fried pies left from the men’s lunches. I’m gonna hang this sweaty dress in the doorway to air while the men are out and try to catch a little nap, but they ain’t a breath of a breeze.”
“Oh no, I’m not hungry, but I thought I’d take a quick bath before the men get back from work, if that’s okay,” Kathleen told her.
“Sure, just be sure to hang your towel and washcloth on the rack in your room. You know y’all don’t get but two towels and two washcloths a week. I don’t wash except on Mondays.”.
‘Yes, ma’am. I will.” Kathleen replied, taking herself off to get her linens and toiletries. After locking the door, she gave the tub a good scrubbing with BAB-O, aware of the grimy men who also bathed there. Rinsing it smooth, she drew a tepid bath. Wrapping her hair in her towel, she slid into the relaxing bath. Though she’d like to have soaked awhile, she quickly bathed and shaved her legs before she emptying and scrubbing the tub again with BAB-O. She powdered and lotioned herself before rinsing her washcloth and towel to take back to her room. Latching her door, she hung her dress to air and slid under the top sheet. Maybe she’d be able to nap a while. No such luck. She thought of Mama and Daddy and felt a hollow feeling in her gut. They were probably resting before going back out to the garden to pick tomatoes. She dreaded telling them she’d gotten married with our their blessing, but they’d surely understand when they met Bill. He was so charming and had such a way with people. He was going to work construction and they’d travel all over the country. That was one of the things that made her fall in love with him. For a girl raised in hicky old Cuthand, it sounded like a dream. Having never been farther than Texarkana, she’d always yearned to escape. Bill was talking about going to California after this job. It couldn’t be soon enough for her.
After the wedding, they moved into the boarding house in the little community of Box Elder, not far from Clarksville. Bill’s construction crew also had rooms there. They had the biggest room on the second floor and took their meals in the dining room. Kathleen was shy of eating in front of Bill, so she barely touched her food. The landlady provided the men with a brown bag lunch. Bill left before six every morning and got home past dark. The men didn’t get a day off unless it rained, so Bill wasn’t around a lot.
Bill didn’t want her to work, so she gave up her waitress job and had time on her hands. Luckily, the house was on the bus route, so Kathleen could go into town when she wished. She’d visit Annie and the two would stroll around town and lunch at the cafe. Kathleen had spent her meager earnings after a couple of weeks. Then her period was due. Blushing, she asked, “Bill, can I get a little money? I need money for the bus and a couple of things from town.”
He was in a hurry. “I get paid tomorrow. I’ll be off Saturday. I’ll take you then. You don’t need to go into town all the time.”
Mortified, she had to explain. “I can’t wait. You know women need personal items once a a month. I have to go to the store today.”
Reddening, it was his turn to be embarrassed. “Uh, okay.” He dug some bills out of his pocket. “I have a five and two ones.” He held the ones out to her. Seeing her face fall, he put the ones back in his wallet and gave her the five. “Don’t spend it all in one place.” He kissed her goodbye and headed off to work.
Kathleen prettied herself up and caught the bus into town. Meeting Annie, they strolled around the square, stopping at the Rexall for her pads. She chose a bright red lipstick and a tiny bottle of Evening in Paris perfume so she’d look and smell pretty for Bill.
“Do you want to get a bite at the cafe?” Annie asked. “I have to go get ready for work at two.”
Kathleen counted her money. She had $1.76 left. Lunch and bus fare would finish off the five Bill had given her. “Maybe I’d better not spend all my money.”
“Okay, we’ll go to my room and make a fried egg sandwich in my room,” replied Annie.
They hurried to Annie’s room and made fried egg sandwiches on Annie’s hot plate. It was a good day. Kathleen loved being with Annie and looked forward to getting home to her handsome husband.
Though Kathleen was only nineteen, she’d already been engaged to a nice, well-educated fellow who worked at the radio station. She wasn’t deeply attracted to him but her mother really pushed for the marriage thinking he’d be a good provider and husband since he was a bit older and settled. Kathleen had always been submissive to Mama, but this time she stood her ground. Mama was manipulative and knew how to sling guilt, so Kathleen was subjected to her stormy disapproval. Mama was a force to be dealt with. Subject to depression, she’d had no qualms about telling the child Kathleen maybe she’d just run butt her head into a tree and kill herself. Of course, the tiny girl believed her and both feared and felt desperate to get home from school, hoping not to find her mother dead and bloody at the base of a tree. Remembering Mama’s domineering ways, she didn’t want to be subject to her machinations this time. She’d deal with Mama when she had to.
Consequently, Kathleen made no mention of her new romance with Mama. She did, however, discuss her concerns with Annie, her older sister. “Bill wants me to marry him, but I’m worried. He’s kind of wild. I know he drinks. I think I love him and want to marry him when I’m with him, but don’t when I’m away from him. What do you think I should do?”
Annie gave her the worst counsel I think I’ve ever heard anyone give a a nineteen year-old kid. “I think you ought to do what you think is best.” No one understands the ramifications of such a life-altering decision at that age. Kathleen wasn’t grown. She was just driven by her hormones as all teenagers are. She’d been saving herself for marriage and was madly in love.
For his part, Bill was just as much in love. It was hard to believe this incredible girl wanted him. She was gorgeous, smart, witty, and obviously a person of quality. He’ d asked around. Her reputation was flawless. She was the girl of his dreams. He was as smitten as she was.
Once the decision was made, Kathleen starting making plans. Bill was to pick her up at the hotel at noon. Kathleen dressed carefully in her white spring dress and new hat with its two pink roses. She didn’t like hats, but this seemed right for a wedding. Twelve o’clock came and went, then one o’clock. Fearing she’d been left at the altar, so to speak, Kathleen got more agitated and angry. The very nerve! As she fidgeted, she picked up a razor blade lying on the sink edge. She noticed a ragged cuticle and went to work on it. As you’d expect, she nicked herself. A rivulet of bright red blood dripped down the skirt of her pristine wedding dress just as she got the call that Bill was waiting downstairs for her. Thankfully, peroxide cleaned her dress right up. She dashed downstairs to meet the man she intended to spend the rest of her life with.
Roscoe married Lizzie Perkins from a prominent family in Virginia. She had obtained a teacher’s certificate and was hired at a school. Sadly, her father, a schoolboard member, interfered, put a stop to that. He didn’t want the neighbors to think he couldn’t support his daughter. At twenty-two, she married Roscoe and moved to Texas. He was an excellent farmer. Though many went hungry during The Great Depression, his family never went hungry. Fortunately, they lived in East Texas, not The Dustbowl. He and Lizzie never owned a farm, just rented.
Kathleen was born into a quiet, well-respected family. Roscoe Holdaway was one of twelve children born to John Holdaway and Elvira Perkins Holdaway. John was a Texas Ranger who was conscripted, along with his entire company, into the Confederate Army.
Kathleen was the third of their children, born to them late in life, sheltered but not spoiled, an excellent student and a regular at church. After completing the ten grades at Cuthand School, her parents rented a house in Clarksville, Texas so Kathleen could graduate. She lived with her sister Annie who had just been discharged from Women’s Army Corp her senior year. Annie worked at the phone company. The girls boarded at the local hotel. It was the best time of Kathleen’s life. While attending high school, she worked at a nearby cafe for two dollars and a meal every shift.
Nutsrok 