I made this video at Mother’s independent living center at their monthly birthday party. At ninety- seven, she was the oldest one partying. Her best buddy, Chad, is such a party guy. He lives next door and makes sure she makes all meals and activities.
Mother
Traveling with Elderly Parents: Tips and Experiences
I am traveling today so I am running an old post from several years ago. Mother is not traveling with me today
Mother accompanied me to visit a relative a few months ago. It was a route I flew often enough to get expedited security. I explained to security I did not want to be separated from my elderly mother. They saw her in her wheelchair, which she always requests for convenience. She immediately put on her goofiest look, which is quite convincing. Starting her Alzheimer’s act, she started firing questions at me and security. They rushed her through. Frankly, I considered abandoning her, she was making such a pest of herself. I was glad when we got out of security and she got back to her normal goofy self.
Kathleen Tells All
Reminiscing
I thought you might like to hear a story from Kathleen Swain my 96 year-old mother.
A Rose by Any Other Name
Mother was born at home in 1928 four miles outside the tiny town of Cuthand, Texas. The irascible old doctor who was summoned to attend her delivery arrived after she did. He hastily checked out mother and baby and headed to his next call.
Kathleen’s impoverished parents didn’t send for a copy of Kathleen’s birth certificate till she was thirteen and neede it to qualify her for an allotment as a military dependent during World War II. To their surprise, after a lengthy investigation, they found out the ancient doctor had forgotten the information he’d been given and randomly filed Kathleen’s name as Bessie May Rosie Holdaway.
Kathleen had never been particularly been fond of her given name until she found she could have been laboring under the burdensome name of Bessie May Rosie.
Payin’ for My Raisin’
I used to hear that phrase a lot when I messed up as a kid. “You’re gonna have to pay for your raisin’.” Truer words were never spoken. At ninety-six, my mother lives quite happily in an independent living apartment. Well, she should be happy. She has friends, eats three meals a day in the dining room, has her apartment cleaned, and her laundry done. The only thing she does is make her bed.
This morning, I picked Mother up at nine am for her doctor’s appointment. I drooped her off right at the entry, parked the car, and escorted her to the office, got her seated and checked in.
“How long till they take us back?” she asked.
“Probably not long.” I told her. “We’re a few minutes early.”
“I hope not.” she grumbled. “It’s cold in here.”
They called her in at nine-thirty on the dot, her appointment time. “Right on time.” I said. “That’s good.”
They weighed her, took her to a room, and checked her vitals. A very nice medical assistant took her medication list and history. “I’ll be back to take you for a scan. she told Mother.
“I hope she gets right back. There’s no point in keeping me waiting. What else does she have to do?” Mother complained.
The woman was back in seven minutes. “I’m sorry you had to wait. I had two ahead of you.” she explained. She took Mother’s arm, carefully walking her to the scan. I relaxed, looking forward to checking my email while Mother was occupied. It seemed like they were back in less than five minutes.
“I’ll tell the nurse you’re ready.” the assistant said.
“How long will that nurse be?”Mother queried before the door closed.
“I don’t know. You saw the office was full. Maybe it won’t be too long. “ I said.
“They ought not to book so many.” She was kind of crabby. I reminded her she only has this big check up yearly and has to have a lot done. Last year we were here three hours.
“It will take as long as it takes. We’ll go to lunch when we’re done.” I reminded her.
“I’m already hungry. Oh yeah. I have to take my medicine!” She dug through her jacket and pants pockets fruitlessly. “Dern, I don’t have it. What’s gonna happen if I don’t get it on time? I’ve never been late before.”
That was news to me. I could have sworn we’ve been through this dozens of times.
“Mother, look again. I’m sure you have it. There it is! You can get a cup of water when the nurse comes in.” No such luck. I had to ask for a cup of water.
We waited. Mother fussed. “Where is that nurse? Did she go off to lunch and leave me waiting?” Mother is not usually fussy but she was wound up today.
“Mother, they have a lot of staff here. I’m sure they don’t go off and leave you waiting. They’ll be here when they get here. We just have to wait.” I tried to sound patient.
At eleven, the nurse saw Mother,and broke the news it would be a short wait till she could see the doctor as well as have an xray and go to lab. Mother smiled sweetly. When the door closed, I braced myself.
“We’ve been here forever. I’m ready to go!” She spouted.
“Well, we can’t till we’re done.” I told her. By noon we were out the door. Can you imagine how many times Mother lived through this scenario with five children?
Miss Laura Mae’s House Part 12
My grandma was in the hospital. We had a houseful of company and we didn’t go to Miss Laura Mae’s house for several days. I was happy to be sitting on her top step with a biscuit again.
“Well, I ain’t seen y’all in a month of Sundays,” she said “Where you been?”
“Right there at the house,” answered Mother. “I’m so tired I can hardly wiggle. Bill’s mama thought she was having a heart attack and they kept her in the hospital overnight. It turns out it was just a hernia. She was doing fine but they still kept her overnight for tests. They were supposed to let her out the next morning. You know how Dr. Hawkins is. You can’t go to see him without him wanting to keep you overnight for tests. Anyway, she was sleeping and the nurse came to check on her. Miz Swain thought she was seeing a ghost and got all upset, convinced she was dying. She had the nurse call Bill to call all the kids in. You know she has seven.
Anyway, all the kids and in-laws came flocking in to the house along with all their kids. There was no need to all pile in at the house and stay all that time. They all live within ten miles of us. I don’t know what good they thought they were doing, anyway. Next thing, her two brothers and their wives showed up. Somebody called her step-brother from way down in South Louisana and told him it might be his last chance to see her. They couldn’t have been close. They hadn’t seen each other in more than twenty years.” Mother complained.
“Lordy, was she really that sick? That sounds like a mess.” Miss Laura Mae offered.
“No, nothing was bad wrong. She’s just the superstitious type and was convinced it was a sign she was going to die. Anyway, the whole bunch hung around the rest of the night and visited the next day, like it was their last chance to see each other. They made a bunch of long distance phone calls, which I know they’ll never pay for, ate up my week’s supply of groceries, drank up all my coffee, and even used up all the toilet paper. Even after she got out of the hospital, they kept right on visiting. The kids were running in and out banging the doors, screaming and yelling like a bunch of heathens. I stayed behind them with the broom and mop, but it was hopeless. It was horrible. I thought they never would go home. I am so tired, I could sleep for a week. We are out groceries. I don’t even have any dry beans left. We’ll be eating biscuits and gravy till payday.” Mother sighed.
“You know, my mother had a stroke last summer. They didn’t know if she’d make it. She lives out in Texas. I wanted to go, but we talked about it and Bill decided we really didn’t have the money. I didn’t get to go for three months. It’s strange how when it’s the man, it is so different. It makes me mad all over we didn’t go when Mama was sick. I could have missed my last chance then. Why are men so selfish?”
“Honey, that’s why I never married agin after Floyd died. Most men think they own their women, an’ women don’t need to do nuthin’ but tend to them, the younguns, an’ the house an’ garden. I wasn’t much past forty and still had a couple of younguns to raise when Floyd died, but it was a lot easier for me to take in ironin’, sew for the public, babysit, or sit with the elderly or the sick than have to answer to another man. Now, don’t get me wrong. They’s a’plenty o’ good men out there, but they do that one bad thing. They just keep on a’breathing in an’ breathin’ out.”
They both laughed till tears were running down their faces.
Miss Laura Mae’s House. Part 11
I got my biscuit and settled on the back step, singing the alphabet song.
Mother launched right into her conversation before Miss Laura Mae got the coffee poured.
“Laura Mae, I just got the strangest letter from Mama. You remember I told you my brother, John, in the army got married not long ago and his wife was expecting.”
“Sure do. How’s she doing?”
“Well, Mama got a letter from John saying Wanda, that’s his wife, had gone back home to stay with her mama till the baby came. He didn’t say anything at the time, thinking she’d be back. I don’t know if she’d left him, or what, but he hadn’t let Mama and Daddy know. Her daddy was high up in the military on a base up in Nebraska. Anyway, the first thing anybody knew was that my brother John got a letter from Wanda’s daddy saying Wanda had had twins, a girl and a boy, and that she and the babies had been crossing a railroad track and hit by a train. John said her daddy said they’d all been buried and to never contact him again. He said he just let it be.
Mama and Daddy, of course, were all upset, and Daddy caught the first bus to New Orleans to see about John. When he got there, John said he was fine and insisted Daddy go straight back home. He said he didn’t have any leave coming and didn’t even want Daddy to spend the night. Daddy came on home, like John asked. My sister, Annie came in that weekend. When she found out what happened, she told them something strange she had kept quiet about since it didn’t seem right. She’d gotten a letter from Wanda announcing their marriage. She wrote and told her and John she was coming over for the weekend. Well, when she got there, John met her at the bus station and told her she couldn’t stay. Wanda had gone off somewhere with her mama and daddy and he had to work. Annie couldn’t imagine what was going on. She went back home and reread her letter from Wanda, and thought it looked like it might be John’s handwriting. Mama went back and pulled out a letter she’d had from Wanda and thought it was possible John had written it, too. They don’t know if the whole thing was made up or what. I don’t know what to think. It all sounds too crazy to be true, doesn’t it? Have you ever heard such a thing? Please don’t repeat what I told you. I haven’t told another soul, but I just thought I’d pop if I couldn’t talk to somebody. I sure don’t want Bill to find out. He already thinks my family’s crazy. He’d never let me forget it.”
“Now, Honey, I hate to hear all that, but don’t be worryin’ ’bout me tellin’ yore business. That whole story doesn’t sound right, but I didn’t git to be this old without learnin’ when to keep my mouth shut. Besides, since I’m the only one you tol’you’d know where it come from, wouldn’t you? Has your brother ever done anything odd before?”
“No, he’s always been steady as a rock. He went in the CCC when he was fifteen, then on his off time he took any job he could get, and always helped Mama and Daddy as much as he could. He finished high school in the Army since our little country school only went to tenth grade. I don’t know what to think. I’m just worried to death about him.”
“Well, I know you are, but folks deals with trouble in all kinds of ways. You’ll just have to let him be.”
“You’re sure right about that. I’ve got three little kids and I couldn’t go see about him if my life depended on it. I do feel bad for Mama and Daddy worrying about him.”
“I know you do, but they’ll have to make their own way, just like he will. Things have a way of workin’ themselves out.”
Life today
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
My life is better in some ways than I had hoped. Last year at this time , my ninety-six-year-old Mother lived alone in her home. I spent a great deal of my time helping her, taking her to do errands, and just taking her out. Despite all the time I spent with her, I knew it wasn’t enough. She was starved for company and wasn’t thriving. Her weight was dropping and she was weak. With encouragement, she made the difficult decision to move into an independent living apartment, an excellent decision.
She enjoys sharing meals with her friends in the dining room, has walks twice a day, has gained weight, and attends church again. Every day she tells me how happy she is now. I visit her two to three times a week because I want to, not because she needs my care. Both our lives are much better.
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Nutsrok 