Mr. Smith was in the hospital for the first time in his life and in traction. He hit the call bell and yelled out loud enough for everybody on the hall to hear. “Hey, Nurse! I gotta s—!” Continue reading
Nurse
If Men Had Babies
Daddy loved going to doctors and taking medicines. He walked through one morning as Mother’s friend mentioned she was seeing Dr Bert Mason, praising him to Mother. Upon hearing this recommendation of a doctor he had no experience of, his ears perked up. Pondering Shirley’s recommendation as he went about his business, he did a total body assessment, trying to determine what imperfect body part might be most in need of attention. Like most people over forty, at any time he could likely zero in on problem or two. His knee was cranky, uncomfortable in foul weather. Seasonal allergies were an ongoing problem. Indigestion was a common visitor. Maybe he should see Dr. Mason. He made a note to have mother call for an appointment when he got back in the house.
Two weeks later, they hurried in to the doctor’s office. He settled in while Mother registered him. They were the first ones to be seen after the lunch break. As they waited, a couple of patients joined them. In less than five minutes, the nurse called out, “Billie Swain?” He was surprised to be called Billie, but followed her into the bowels of the clinic. As Mother waited, the room quickly filled with patients. Before long, Mother notice a commonality. The patients were all women, mostly obviously pregnant, or nursing newborns. Realizing there was nothing to be done, she settled back, looking forward to Daddy’s reaction to his visit with Dr. Mason, M.D., OB/GYN.
Within minutes, Daddy slipped out the door in the rear of the waiting room, signaling as he made his way out the door, hoping to escape notice.
Nursing Slip Up
I was reporting back to a doctor on his agitated emergency room patient I had just been caring for. Meaning to say, “He was really bucking and fighting.” I got tangled up and said “f–cking and biting.” Trying to recover before the doc reacted, I snapped back,” but fortunately I didn’t get bit!”
” Who in the Hell is Michael Jackson?”
Sometimes life serves up some incredibly sweet moments. About twenty-five years ago ,I mortally embarrassed both my high school children with no effort or planning on my part whatsoever. I was a dialysis nurse at the time. I had worked all night the night before. I had gone to bed about four that afternoon, knowing I was going to be called back. At eight-thirty in the evening the phone at my bedside rang. Jolted out of sleep, Continue reading
Watch Out, Missy!
It was the old farmer’s first time in the hospital. The split back gown was bad enough, but when the nurse had him roll on his side to get a rectal temperature, he squirmed and wiggled.
“Be still, Mr. Smith. I’m trying to check your temperature!”
“Well, watch out what your doing, Missy! You’re about to poke me right in the butt with that thing!”
Lessons from Michael
A few months into my first nursing job, I met Michael, the patient who put me on the road to true nursing. Still limping down the painful road from enjoying success in nursing school to putting it into practice, I drove home most days thinking, “I can’t go back tomorrow. I can’t go back tomorrow.” I lived in terror of getting caught alone with a patient whose survival depended on all that “nursing magic” that had so far sailed over on my head. Orienting on an acute dialysis unit, my only useful skills were a pretty good nursing vocabulary, understanding of aseptic technique, and the complete understanding that there was no question too stupid for me to ask. I would have never have made it if my supervisor had been one of those who “ate her young.” (terrorized new nurses) Continue reading
Nutsrok 