Nursing

I Want It! I Want It!

imageI was an acute hemodialysis nurse for thirty years, caring for thousands of patients over that time.  The most important thing I learned was listen to your patient.  I’d cared for Miss Ann for many years, through numerous hospitalizations, surgeries, and procedures.  Prior to this admission, she’d told her husband, “I don’t ever want any more surgery.”

Unfortunately, this time she was in ICU on a ventilator and couldn’t speak for herself.  She appeared to be unaware of what the doctor was explaining to her, so he asked her husband for surgical consent.  Sadly, her husband refused, citing Miss Ann’s intention not to have surgery again.  Meanwhile, behind the two of them, Miss Ann was frantically waving her arms trying to get their attention.  She wanted surgery.

Miss Ann got her surgery, recovered, and did well for quite a while after that.

Guest Post All in a Day’s Work From Edwina’s Episodes

What a thrill!  I have been able to snag the lovely and talented Judy Martin from Edwina’s Episodes to Guest Post on Nutsrok.  This is particularly apropos, since we share being nurses and messing up a lot.  I am so happy to have her here.  Be sure to check her blog!

I had only been on my new ward less than a month and nobody really knew what to make of me. I was training to do a new job that nobody had heard of, as it was just being introduced (a similar role to the State Enrolled Nurse which had been disbanded 10 years before)! I was very quiet as I was still getting to know people, and getting used to the way the ward worked.

Patient care was still top priority and I was working in a bay, looking after six elderly ladies, one of whom had been given some ‘prep’ ahead of her scheduled colonoscopy. It duly did its job, rather too well, as the poor woman had little time to react to the explosion that ensued. I cleaned her up as best as I could as well as the chair. Unfortunately liquid, molten poo has a habit of getting everywhere and I was slipping around in it, as it was also on the floor.

Eventually I got the lot cleaned up, but did not realise that I had some of it spattered on my uniform, which did not go unnoticed by a senior nurse, so I was sent off to theatres to get some scrubs to change into. Immediately! I dabbed at the mess with a cleansing wipe trying to get some of it off before I went, but succeeded in making it look worse.

I arrived at theatres where it seems, part of the criteria of working there is a snooty, not to mention snotty attitude. I asked politely if I could have some scrubs, which I was then made to repeat, When asked why I needed them I explained, and gestured to the poo for good measure, which was met with such a look of disdain that I commented huffily that it wasn’t my poo! I don’t know why I thought it sounded any better, but the scrubs were reluctantly handed over, and I was ordered to return them ASAP.

I went off to the loos and changed into the scrubs. Great, she had given me a ginormous top (I know I am not skinny but this was massive) and long trousers (I am only 5ft 2”). I trotted back to the ward looking ridiculous and noticed a couple of sympathetic smiles aimed my way.

I went to put my soiled uniform in my locker (most people didn’t bother with lockers but I was new so thought it a good idea) and went rummaged around my outsized shirt but I couldn’t find the key! Panic! I scrabbled about frantically searching my person for it. Nothing! I asked the Ward Clerk if she had a spare key. She didn’t.

I retraced my steps to the loos and back to the dreaded theatres, who looked at my wild-eyed red-faced demeanour and desperate to get rid of me, didn’t even bother looking, just said they hadn’t got it. I was really upset by now and more than a little het up. It was now coming up for break time and I was told to go on first break. I was glad of this as I thought I could relax, have a cigarette (or three) as I was smoking then, and start the search for me key afresh.

Wonderful except that my cigarettes were in my locker! Sod it! I was nearly on the verge of tears, but one of the other nurses was a smoker and I bit the bullet and asked her if I could please have one of hers (I have never done that in my life before and felt awful). She was great and let me have one.

Anyway, suffice it to say, the key was not found. Estates had to be called, and when they came onto the ward were moaning about people losing keys and that they should have to pay for it blah, blah. I stayed out the way! They had to break the bloody lock off in the end. What a day!

Link to my guest post on Edwina’s Episodes

http://edwinasepisodes.com/2015/06/04/check-it-out-guest-post-by-linda-bethea/#respond

Green Bean, Ewwww!

EWWHolidays are rough on people who work in hospitals, since you’re getting by with minimal staff.  One Thanksgiving, I was performing dialysis on a patient not too long after he’d had his traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  I knew exactly what he’d had because he got sick and hurled it me.  By this time, I was a seasoned nurse and always had extra scrubs stowed in my locker.  Without gagging, I brushed off the bigger pieces, swabbed myself with soapy towels, generally sprayed myself with disinfectant, changed clothes, and got back to work, pretty much good as new. Continue reading →

Are You Wearing Panties?

An employee’s husband called her at work, A new employee routed him to me, the nursing supervisor, not his wife, by mistake.  We are both Linda.  When I answered, all I heard was heavy breathing, then,”Are you wearing panties?” Continue reading →

Lolly

i never knew who would would show up for Lolly’s dialysis treatment.  Some days, Lolly was a pleasant forty-year-old black woman, intelligent, street smart, brightly- dressed and well groomed.  Those were good days.  Sometimes, she presented as a snotty racist older, white lady.  We had to be careful on those days not to seat her near black men she might insult.  I dreaded those times.  They were hard on everybody on the unit.  Lolly as a young black girl wrenched my heart.  She was afraid of men and boys and often cried with hurt feelings. The hardest was the manic young woman who sometimes showed, convinced that dialysis would end her imagined pregnancy.  I loved Lolly, and regretted leaving her when I left that job.  I hope she was treated kindly.

A Sticky Point!

needleThis falls in the stranger than fiction category.  A psychiatric patient admitted to my floor from a group home years ago with a recent diagnosis of incontinence.  His CAT scan revealed a calcified bladder stone formed around a sewing needle. When the stone filled the bladder completely, he developed incontinence, Unlike the typical patient who shows up with strange objects in strange places, he hadn’t absent-mindedly sat on it.  He gave an excellent history and remembered losing that pesky needle.  It just didn’t hurt, so he thought no more about it.

If Men Had Babies

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Daddy loved going to doctors and taking medicines.  He walked through one morning as Mother’s friend mentioned she was seeing Dr Bert Mason, praising him to Mother. Upon hearing this recommendation of a doctor he had no experience of, his ears perked up.  Pondering Shirley’s recommendation as he went about his business, he did a total body assessment, trying to determine what imperfect body part might be most in need of attention.  Like most people over forty, at any time he could likely zero in on problem or two.  His knee was cranky, uncomfortable in foul weather.  Seasonal allergies were an ongoing problem.  Indigestion was a common visitor.  Maybe he should see Dr. Mason. He made a note to have mother call for an appointment when he got back in the house.

Two weeks later, they hurried in to the doctor’s office.  He settled in while Mother registered him.  They were the first ones to be seen after the lunch break.  As they waited, a couple of patients joined them.  In less than five minutes, the nurse called out, “Billie Swain?”  He was surprised to be called Billie, but followed her into the bowels of the clinic.  As Mother waited, the room quickly filled with patients.  Before long, Mother notice a commonality.  The patients were all women, mostly obviously pregnant, or nursing newborns.  Realizing there was nothing to be done, she settled back, looking forward to Daddy’s reaction to his visit with Dr. Mason, M.D., OB/GYN.

Within minutes, Daddy slipped out the door in the rear of the waiting room, signaling as he made his way out the door, hoping to escape notice.

World Championship Foot In Mouth Award

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I am the World Champion at talking when I should have been listening.  More than thirty years ago, I had a dear friend in Nursing School who was valiantly struggling with morbidly obesity serious enough to interfere with ambulation and other life activities, not to mention the psychic and social pain she dealt with daily.  Working Continue reading →

Some Things Won’t Be Forgiven

thR5372XT3A harried mother came to the urgent care center where I was working her five-year old-boy wearing nothing but a sheet and a frown.  He was obviously unhappy with his mother and in distress. I assessed him and asked him the problem. 

“I’ve got this big hard piece of tape stuck on the end of my pecker and it won’t come off.  She’s had me sitting in the bathtub all morning, and it ain’t come off yet!”  With this he shot her a murderous look.  She explained he’d had a circumcision recently and the dressing was still clinging stubbornly.

He broke back in furiously, “I told you I didn’t want no surgery!  Ever’thin’ was workin’ just fine till you hired somebody to whittle on me!”

I wasn’t getting in that family fight!