old

Lessons from a 96-Year-Old Mother

My mother has reached the age where she has few peers. At ninety-six she is is a generation ahead of most baby-boomers. Several times when we’ve been out to eat, a gray-haired man has stopped by the table and asked to pay for her meal. They usually say they miss their mother.

people of all ages go out of their way to help Mother. Shoppers in the grocery store offer to get things off shelves. Neighbors offer to take out her trash or help in other ways.

Two little boys had stopped to visit Mother, then lingered to visit. She heard them talking outside her back door.

”Miz Swain’s old.” One remarked.

”Yeah, but she’s a nice lady.” the other replied.

”But she’s old. She’s just full of …..”He cast around for the right word.

”Oldness.” replied his friend. “She’s full of oldness.”

Old People Jokes, Again

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor said, “You are in great health! All your tests are good. And for our records, may I ask, at what age did your father die?”

The 60-year-old patient said, “I didn’t say my father died! My father is 80. He skis, runs marathons and is in excellent health!”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! Well then, for our records, at what age did your grandfather die?”

“I didn’t say my grandfather died! My grandfather is 100, teaches dance lessons and plays golf four days a week. In fact, he’s getting married next month!”

“Why would your 100 year old grandfather want to get married?”

“I didn’t say he WANTED to get married!”

  • No one expects you to run—anywhere.
  • Your eyes won’t get too much worse.
  • Things that you buy now won’t wear out.
  • You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
  • You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.
  • People call you at 8 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • Your joints make the same noises as your coffee maker.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  • You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them anyway.