As the two tipsy ladies staggered home their night on the town, they realized they had to go, right then, and made a quick detour into the cemetery. They each ducked behind a tombstone to do their business. Of course, they had no toilet tissue. One used her panties, tossing them aside. Her friend had worn a lovely matched set and couldn’t bear to part with her undies. She just snitched a ribbon off a flower arrangement, cast it aside, and went on her way. Continue reading
Panties
Are You Wearing Panties?
An employee’s husband called her at work, A new employee routed him to me, the nursing supervisor, not his wife, by mistake. We are both Linda. When I answered, all I heard was heavy breathing, then,”Are you wearing panties?” Continue reading
Overheard at Work
Stop now if you are easily offended. Contains adult content!
We all have different parenting styles.
I overheard a hilarious phone conversation a furious friend and co-worker had with her teenage daughter at work one day. (repeated verbatim)
“Kaylee, You been gittin’ in my drawers!”
Pause
“Yes you have! I can tell you been diggin’ around in there! Them’s f___ing panties! Is you f____ing!”
She slammed the phone down. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that little ‘ho! I can’t keep her out of my f___ing panties”
I was rolling on the floor, laughing.
Thou Shalt Not Thong
The pastor’s vocabulary could have used a little updating before he addressed his concerns that the young people were taking casual dress at morning services just a bit too far. “I’ll bet half of the young ladies out there are wearing thongs this morning.” Though he was thinking of the ” flip flop” shoes of his youth, not sexy underwear, he certainly had everyone’s attention.
The Bearded Lady, Wet Panties, and My New Brother
I remember the day my brother was born. I’d just turned three. I woke up to find Mother gone, something I’d never experienced. Grandma had come to stay a few days to help out, but had broken a rib in a fender-bender the day before, so she wasn’t up to much, but that’s a whole other story. A neighbor stayed till with us till mid-morning, when a bearded Amazon identifying herself as Aunt Cynthia showed up to take care of us all. I’d never seen such a thing in my life. She must have been overdue time off from the circus to be free on such short notice.
The whole crazy scenario was too much for my tiny mind, especially, the strange bearded behemoth. I wasn’t buying any of it, so headed for the hills, in this case, the shrubs in our front yard. Eventually, tiring of calling me, “Aunt Cynthia” hoisted Grandma out of bed long enough to gain my trust, luring me in with the promise of scrambled eggs and strawberry jam. I was mortified to have wet my pants while in hiding. It took me forever to make Aunt Cynthia understand I needed “panties” not “pennies.”
Despite the psychic trauma, it ended well enough. Mother got home in a day or two with my new brother. Grandma was back on her feet. Aunt Cynthia went home, but for some reason I never really bonded with her, maybe because she kept offering me pennies instead of dry underwear. That’s kind of weird.
Rudy and the Fancy Pants
My parents had very strict standards of appropriate courtship behavior. Some were objective: No dating till sixteen. No expensive or personal gifts. No gifts of clothing. Tasteful gifts included inexpensive perfume, flowers, and books. Some were Continue reading
Unmentionable, Thrilling Sex
Repost:
Anything regarding sex was dark and unmentionable in mixed company. Children were not to embarrass adults by noticing any veiled reference made in their presence, never asking why any adult was in the hospital, and vacating the room if the words complications, hormones, or nature came up in conversation. Above all, women should never refer to their “period.” Continue reading
Bitches About Britches
My mother practiced an excellent form of birth control for her daughters. She only bought cheap cotton panties because “nobody is supposed to see your underwear anyway.” I don’t know how I would have behaved otherwise, but I wasn’t about to get frisky in those horrible britches. Sometimes Mother was lucky enough to find some so cheap they didn’t have elastic in the legs, just the waist. The fit wasn’t too bad in the morning, but by midmorning, these Continue reading
Pantiless Party Performance
Connie and Marilyn were adorable little girls, born a little over a year apart. Born fouth and fifth of five children, we all doted on them, with the exception of my brother Billy, who was displaced by all that cuteness. Mother dressed them in pastel shades of the same style dresses as much as she could. Connie was fair and blue-eyed with cotton white Continue reading
Nutsrok 