Precious Memories

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park
bench crying his eyes out. I stopped to ask him what was wrong.

He sobbed, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every
morning ,then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee.’

I continued, ‘Well, then why in the world are you crying?’

He went on, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite
biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest
of the afternoon.’

“So why are you crying?’ I asked again.

He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favourite dessert and then we cuddle until I go to sleep.”

I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’

He wailed, ‘I can’t remember where I live.’

Hard Time Marrying

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Their union had a bleak start. Shivering miserably on the depot platform in the freezing rain, the woman folded and refolded his tattered letter.  Angered, he thought of driving on when he saw her cradling a small child and holding the hand of a grimy toddler, a few tattered bundles at her feet. In her letter, she’d not mentioned the  little ones, though with all fairness, the marriage was only one of need on both parts. He hadn’t promised her anything either, so after hesitating, he was mollified by the thought that the little fellows served as proof she wasn’t barren.  Hurriedly, married minutes later at the preacher’s house, he apologized for the weather as they shivered the two hours home in his open wagon and was surprised to learn the woman didn’t speak or understand English.  Maybe that wasn’t so bad for a man accustomed to his own company.

Burning with fever by the time they got to his homestead, his unknown wife was dead by the next sundown, leaving him with  little ones he had no taste for. Barely reaching his knee, they toddled mutely in perpetual soggy diapers, uttering gibberish only they understood. As soon as he could, he buried his quilt-wrapped wife and headed back to dusty Talphus, Texas to rid himself of burden of her orphaned little ones. The church or the town would have to do for them. Loading them in a snug in a bed of hay, wrapped in a ragged quilt, hay heaped over them. he pitied and grieved for them on the long trip back to town, knowing the hard life they faced. Stopping several times to make sure they were warmly covered, he was relieved to find them pink and warm.

He hardened his heart against them, knowing only too well the life they faced. He’d never known family, just been passed from hand to hand.  He grieved knowing that was their lot, but deception had landed them with him and a lone-farmer could hardly be expected to shoulder the brats of a deadwoman he’d never even shared a bed with.

Howdy! Joke of the Day

imageOld Joe had been out drinking late again and his wife had had enough of it.  She got herself a devil costume and was waiting for him whenhe came in.

She jumped out from the shadows, grabbed him and said, “I got you now!  I’m the Devil.”

He stuck out his hand and said, ” Well, hello, kinfolks.  I married your sister!”

Eat Your Mushrooms

imageTwo old guys were sitting around talking when they got to the the subject of marriage.

“Have you ever been married?”

“Yeah, I was married three times, but it ended in tragedy every time.”
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