My two grandmothers were a lovely pair.  Saccharin sweet to each other, they sat with veiled claws, looking for a chance to swipe at the other.

Grandma:  “Well , you looking healthy.  I believe you put on a few pounds.”

Maw Maw: “No ma’am.  My weight’s been falling off some.  I got some old dresses I was gonna offer you, but ‘pears now they might be too little for you.”

GM:  “Your’s would be way to big, but I don’t need ’em anyhow.  My son took me shopping and bought me six dresses when I was out at his house.  He could have just bought me a bus ticket, but he wanted to come get me in his new car.  It sure is good to see your kids doing good, isn’t it?  Did your girl, Bettie’s, husband ever get a job after he lost that one last time I was down here?  Now isn’t he the one who drinks a little?””

MM:  “None of my kids drinks.  You must be think in’ a’some o’ yore folks.  Jack’s moved to a job makin’ twenty more a week.  My young’uns might not’a gone to college like yourn, but they all got good jobs. I brought a cake.  I know Pore Ol’ Bill loves a cake an’ Kathaleen don’t have him something sweet ever’day like I always did!”

If not interrupted, this could go on indefinitely, trading swipe after swipe.  Mother tried to intercede if she heard Grandma might be about to hit the motherlode, ferreting out just how long Cousin Yvonne was married before the baby came or discover that Cousin Ross was in the pen for robbing a filling station.  Should all else fail, Grandma could hit us kids up for tidbits of information that could be stitched together to satisfy her curiosity.

MM:  b