The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.

The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.

Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.

After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.

Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, “What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?”

“No” the man replied, “I work for the IRS.”

A Scotsman, drinking in a Havana bar, saw a man with a large black beard enter. He ordered a drink, the bartender served him, he drank it, and then started to leave.

The bartender said, “Hey! Aren’t you going to pay for that drink?”

The man said, “Excuse me? Castro’s Army!” and walked out.

A few minutes later, the Scotsman saw another man with a large black beard enter, order a drink, drink it, and start to leave. The bartender said, “Hey! Aren’t you going to pay for that?”

The man said, “Excuse me? Castro’s Army!” and walked out.

When the Scotsman finished his drink, he started to leave and the bartender said, “Hey! Aren’t you going to pay for those drinks?”

The Scotsman said, “Excuse me? Castro’s Army!”

Oh my gosh, did you get the license number of the woman who ran you over?”

“Where’s your black beard?”

The quick thinking Scotsman hoisted up his kilt and said, “Secret Service!”

Oh my gosh, did you get the license number of the woman who ran you over?”

“No, but I’d recognize that laugh anywhere.”