Dear Auntie Linda,  I work in Human Resources and broke my own rule.  As a favor to a dear cousin, I asked the manager of another department to look at a his son’s resume. To clarify, I did not ask the other manager to hire or even interview, just look at  Joey’s resume.  There was no policy against this.  It happens all the time.  Joey had an excellent resume and interviewed well.  There was an open position for which he seemed a good fit, so the other manager  hired Joey.  I asked Joey not to mention our relationship at work, even though we are no closer than cousins.  I was unhappy when, Joey told everyone we are related, though we have different last names.  Before long, Joey was sharing family stories at work.  Needless to say, I was offended.  I called Joey after work, asking him to refrain from bringing my name and any family business at work.  Within months, Joey was arrested at on charges of dealing drugs and theft at work.  I am mortified, wishing I’d never heard of Joey.

It was a high-profile case on the news.  The next day, knowing the rumor mill would be buzzing, I went to my office and held a staff meeting, letting everyone know I was aware what was going on with Joey  and gave them a chance to ask questions, feeling I’d rather deal with the situation head on than have to dread whispering.  I got a few questions till people lost interest.  The point of this story is, don’t ever help an acquaintance or family at your own expense.  It is very likely to bite you.  Once Bitten

Dear Once,  I agree with you 100%.  I have suffered a similar embarrassment.  Best to let everyone look out for themselves.  A good candidate can stand on his or her own.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My son-in-law is in prison for sexual assault and second-degree murder of my daughter.  I have custody full-custody of their small children and have moved away so my grandchildren can  start over in a community about three-hundred miles away and avoid the notoriety of their father’s crime.  They are now three and four, and are starting to ask about their dad.  The other grandparents make it clear they feel he is not guilty.  They have made the trip to visit the children twice since his incarceration a year ago.  I know the children will have to deal with the situation one day, but want them to be a little older.  The four-year-old remembers both his parents and knows his mother is dead, though is unaware his father murdered his mother.  He just thinks his dad is sick and had to go away for a while.  Both children love their grandparents and I know they need family.  I have allowed them have supervised visits, but now they are petitioning for unsupervised visits in their home.  I am terrified they will let something slip. What do I do?  Hiding out

Dear Hiding, I know you don’t want anything to slip out, but these children will learn the truth one day.  The best you can hope for is damage control.  Talk to a family therapist. If the court hasn’t appointed an advocate for the children, ask that one be appointed.  Auntie Linda