So Horrible It Has to be Shared!

Have you ever had an experience so horrible it had to be shared? Maybe something smells or tastes so bad you cant leave it alone. ”Taste this! It’s disgusting!” Over your poor friend’s protests, you insist. “No really, you gotta taste this! It’s horrible!”

That’s why I have to inflict this story on you.

A few days ago, I got an early start, vacuumed, mopped, changed my sheets, and tidied up before settling into my comfy chair with my laptop to write. As I gathered my thoughts and awaited inspiration, Bud and Buzzy approached the patio door.

Buzzy, my American Eskimo Dog is sedate and well-mannered, so it startled me to see him burst through the patio door like a bat out of Hell before he launched himself half-way across the room into my lap. As Bud headed to his office, he nonchalantly mentioned Buzzy might be suffering from some abdominal distress. Sure enough, Buzzy rapidly spun three three or four rotations in my lap and on top of my computer. I tried to calm his nerves and was assaulted by the smell of feces and the nauseating sight of an excrement-smeared computer screen and filthy clothes. Wisely, as I struggled to dig out from under the tornado of a poop monster, Bud disappeared into his office feigning deafness.

Heartbroken by his poor welcome, Buzzy fled to a place of consolation, my fresh bed. Like his wolf-ancestors, before lying down he made two or three circles to prepare his bed. Miraculously, Bud had somehow become aware of the festivities, as had our other dog, a huge Mastiff mix, Croc. Not wanting Buzzy to have all the fun, Croc inserted himself into the melee. The curious one-hundred twenty pound dog jealously trying to stay between Buzzy and his pursuers complicated the situation exponentially. Croc had no clue what the concern was since he and Buzzy greeted each other genteelly with a sniff of the nether portions first thing every morning, but had no intention of being denied a good time. 

With a bit of a scuffle, Bud shut Croc out while  we progressed to the bathroom as Croc howled in outrage., “I poop a lot more than he does!  Where’s my party?” Not having had a chance to evaluate the situation, I wrestled Buzzy into the sink, but not before most bathroom surfaces took on a fine patina of poop. Holding Buzzy in place, I ran water and added soap for his bath. Very quickly, I became aware a sink-bath wouldn’t suffice. Taking him to a tub outdoors was out of the question, so he was destined for his first shower. Naturally, he could hardly be expected to shower himself, so I climbed in. Surprisingly, that was the easiest part of the ordeal. He behaved perfectly throughout the process.

Fortunately for the sake of our marriage, Bud didn’t get off too easily. While Buzzy and I showered, he cleaned the walls and floors, all the way back to where Buzzy had made his grand entrance. By the time the shower was over was over and Buzzy dried, the bed was stripped and the washer and hamper were full of disgusting laundry. As a special bonus, the sink was plugged with excreta and long, white dog hair, another diversion for Bud.

In the week before, I had intended to get Buzzy in for grooming. Much to his joy, I’d never made it. Though his coat is beautiful, particularly in hot weather, it benefits from regular brushing. I am especially careful to brush him thoroughly before bathing to remove loose hair and minimize matting. Sadly, Buzzy had not advised me of his plans. He was so matted after bathing, I wasn’t able to finish the job in one brushing. I’d brush a while , let him take a break, and pick up with the job, later. Some mats even required scissoring, something I’ve never had to do before. I think I’ve gotten enough hair out to upholster another whole dog. Sadly, all that brushing makes Croc even more envious. He’s required an inordinate amount of brushing, too.

Many hours later, things settled to normal.  Next time I am ready, I’ll be more specific in my search for inspiration.

27 thoughts on “So Horrible It Has to be Shared!”

  6. You must have been “pooped out” after that ordeal. I’m a smaller dog owner with a few poop stories, and can relate somewhat. Nice to see your blog this morning. It’s been a while. 📚🎶 Christine

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  7. Did you ever discover the cause of the diarrhea? Everyone has a story about the incredibly foul smells and situations a doggie (cat, guinea pig, hamster..or ANY pet) can get into. Mine involves 2 a.m., a faulty screen door and a skunk. My poor girl (35 lbs) got sprayed (apparently close up and full face), and came bounding into where hubby and I were sleeping and leapt on the bed, shaking skunk scent EVERYWHERE. I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it was all I could do not to throw up. The bedding all had to be thrown away, because no way the smell was coming out. Sausha (the dog ) was banished to the backyard, where I’m sure she encountered the skunk in the first place. We went to the nearest all night grocery store and bought five big cans of tomato juice. Sausha spent the rest of the night, covered in tomato on our flagstone back porch. She thought we were punishing her. I honestly wonder if some poo wouldn’t have been preferable to that skunk stench. Most awful thing I’ve EVER smelt.

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    • We should have a competition. The diarrhea was my fault. I had cut back on amount of canned food I mixed in her kibble. He doesn’t eat well. Croc, the mastiff can’t get enough. I feed them separately but Croc eats all his food and stands anxiously waiting for Buzzy to leave his dish. Since Buzzy’s appetite was quickly satisfied, I reasoned Croc would eat less if he only got kibble. I think I didn’t take enough time to decrease canned food. I never thought more kibble would cause diarrhea. Oh well. By the way, Croc has dropped a couple of pounds, not that he cares.

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  10. I feel your pain.

    You know, “they” tell me that owning a dog is supposed to lower your blood pressure and give you endorphins and generally make you a more calm and serene person. “They” are full of what your dogs smeared everywhere.

    (I know it’s a blogging sin to link to your own blog, and for that I beg forgiveness.) My dog ownership history is remarkably similar to yours, although you get triple bonus points for sheer strength of numbers… Here’s how it went down at ours:

    So… about that Merry Christmas…

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    • That’s only people who were never acquainted with dog diarrhea or emergency baths. This was awful for us all. Headed to read your post now. Having a bit of trouble with link. I love dog stories.

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    • I’m glad it helped someone. I was appalled at the time, but it ran through my head like a comedy. It was my first shower with a dog, but probably not my last. Poor Buzzy was so ashamed and glad to be clean again.

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