(From Reader’s Digest)

A guy in a van pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, “Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled?” The Rolls owner nods.

“So is mine. Got Wi-Fi?” The Rolls owner nods again. “Me too. What about a double bed?”

“No. Do you?” asks the Rolls guy.

“Yep.” The light changes and the van takes off. Jealous, the Rolls guy heads to a Pimp My Rolls customising shop and gets a double bed installed, then drives around until he finds the van parked on the side of the road. He raps on the window. “Guess what? I got a double bed put in my car too.”

The van owner peers out. “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!”

Terminal prescription

William came home from the doctor looking very worried. “What is it? asked his wife. “What’s the problem?”

“Well, the doctor told me I have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of my life,” explained William.

“So what?” his wife replied. “Lots of people have to do that.”

“I know. But he only gave me four pills.Submitted by Bill Lindsay

Nothing up my sleeves

James and Stephen go into a sweet shop. James stealthily pockets three bars of chocolate and slips out. Gloating, he challenges Stephen to do something even bigger.

“No problem,” replies Stephen. “I’ll show you the real art of thieving.”

Re-entering the shop, Stephen approaches a member of staff and asks, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The staff member nods, so Stephen takes three chocolate bars off the shelf and eats them all.

“So where’s the magic?” asks the staff member.

“Just check my friend’s pocket,” Stephen replies, pointing to James. “You’ll find all three bars intact.”

Submitted by R. Suntharalingam