A 98 year old man and his 96 year old wife are sitting in a lawyer’s office glowering at each other.

“Why are you here?” the attorney asks.

“We want a divorce,” she says.  “We’ve hated each other for years,” her husband adds.

“Well, how long have you been married?” the attorney asks.

The wife replies, “Eighty years in June.”

“Well after eighty years of marriage why, at this late stage of the game, would you want a divorce?” the attorney asks.

The two exchange guilty glances and the husband responds, “We decided to wait until the children were dead.”

An elderly couple goes to their doctor for a checkup.

The man goes in first.

“How are you doing?” the doctor asks.

“Pretty good,” the old man answers.

“I’m eating well, and I’m still in control of my bowel and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good lord turns the light on for me.”

The doctor decides not to comment on the last statement and goes into the next room to check on the man’s wife.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“I’m doing well,” the old woman answers.

“I still have lots of energy and I’m not feeling any pain.”

“That’s nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well,” the doctor says.

“One thing though – your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?”

”Oh, damn.” She replied. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”