I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. 

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it. 

President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech… If you were my husband I would poison your tea. Lincoln replied…if you are my wife I’ll gladly drink it. 

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo. 

Have you heard the joke about yoga. Nevermind its a bit of a stretch. 

Why should you never play poker at the zoo? Too many cheetahs 

What do you call a nose with no body? No body nose 

Why does snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo-Drizzle. 

Never confide in a vacuum cleaner. They’re always collecting dirt 

A roman walks into a cafe holds up 2 fingers and gets 5 coffees. 

Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13? A: Time to get a new clock. 

What do you call a guy who’s really loud? Mike.