Day: October 5, 2024

Lost Possessions

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

That’s a pertinent question for a person living in an area subject to tornadoes and hurricanes. I know many people who have lost everything. If I lost everything from a storm, I would contact my insurance agent. Of course, there are all kinds of losses: theft, fires, betrayal, loss of livelihood, bankruptcy, eviction. No one is immune to the possibility of losing everything. Simply put, I would put one foot in front of the other and do what had to be done, like anyone else.

Jokes

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied old rancher John.

 A man was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat* — he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, he said, “Pardon me ma’am, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off.”

“Not so fast,” she says. “How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?”

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said, “He looks like this” as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

“Oh no, you horrible man,” she replied. “I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?”

At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed, “Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Jokes from Farm Babe: AG Daily

The Joy of People-Watching

img_1660The best part of traveling is people-watching.  A young family was sitting a sat or two behind me.  The mother had to take the little girl to the bathroom and interrogated the little boy vigorously as to whether he had to go.  Emphatically, he did not.  Mom annoyed him by asking again.  He stalwartly denied a need to go, despite her insistent interrogation.  Giving up, she took the little girl.  Not long after they were reseated and buckled in, imminent landed was announced.  He’d missed his chance.  Immediately, he set up a howl.  “Mom, get me out of here.  I gotta go! I gotta Go!  The pee is coming down!”

“What!  You said you didn’t have to go!”

 

Next I watched a young mother bouncing her wailing newborn.  Clearly, she was exhausted.  A young man walked up and she handed off baby, bottle, and pacifier. He skillfully bounced and fed the baby with pacifier in his mouth.  What a man!

 

Another couple was corralling two little guys.  The older knocked the smaller off a climbing toy.  Dad exploded.  “That’s it!” and stormed off.  Mom simultaneously calmed the little one and put the other in time out.  He howled.

“You hush and think about what you did.  I don’t like the way you treated your brother.”  He snuffled a while before quieting.  Before too long, he was playing with his brother.   Eventually, Dad was back.

Lou and Lynn Part 2 Adventure to Find Grandma

“I still need to find Grandma.” Lou remembered, reaching for her backpack. “Oh no! I left my phone in my backpack. How can I call Grandma, now? Can I use your phone?” she asked, reaching out to Lynn.

“We don’t have a phone. The lines don’t reach this far out in the country. When Mother has to use the phone she goes to Mr. Jones’s store and pays him fifteen cents.

“Your grandma is probably up at the house with Mama, anyway. There’s nowhere else to go, It’s a mile to the nearest neighbor.” Lynn bounced up and pulled down an old bag swing attached to a rafter. She gave a huge push and raced high up the hay. “Swing it again!”

Lou pushed it hard. Then again. Lynn and hopped onto the swing at its peak, her legs wrapped tightly. The pack of dogs went wild barking and snapping at the swing as it skimmed over their heads. Lynn flew high enough to kick the top of the open doors, scoring an exciting ride till it fizzled to a stop.

Jumping off, she shouted. “Your turn! Climb up on the hay!”

Climbing the hay was the easy part. Lou’s head almost touched the tin roof of the barn. The rain pounded just above my head. Lynn pushed the swing till it gained enough height for me to jump on it. The dogs anxiously waited for their turn to jump at her.

“I’m scared! If I miss, I’m a goner!” Lou complined.

“We do this all the time! You’re not gonna fall…..and if you do, you’ll probably land on a dog.” assured Lynn.

That made sense. There were dogs to spare. As she swung higher and higher, Lou grabbed the rope, held her breath, and jumped, wrapping her legs tightly. Wild horses couldn’t have pulled her off. That leap was the biggest thrill of her life. Laughing hysterically, she kicked the top of the barn doors wishing she could fly forever. Lynn pushed Lou over and over, then jumped on with her. The dogs joined in the fun, chasing and barking.

Though Lynn is lots of fun, Lou didn’t forget she needed to find Grandma as soon as the rain stopped.

Growing Up During Farm Life: A Brother’s Experience

When my brother was a growing up, Daddy had him out working all summer and every Saturday, bush hogging, piling brush, whatever he could think of that Bill could do to relieve his own work load. The fact was, Daddy had bought a farm and bitten off more than he could chew. He laid out a day’s work for Bill every day he wasn’t in school.

Don’t worry. Daddy didn’t neglect me. As often as not, Daddy set me to work right along with Bill. The Louisiana heat was and is miserable. Daddy kept Mother stretched to the max going for tractor parts, transporting power saws to and from the shop, picking up feed from the feed store. That left me to get meals on the table, and do “women’s work” while she was on the road. That meant, the house had better be clean and the TV off.

I digress, the point of the story it. Bill had to be working every day. Poor boy. He’d sweat so much even the insoles of his shoes were soaked through. He only had one pair of work shoes, so they never dried. During this period, the younger girls acquired a cute little lap dog. They made him a tiny bed in which he stored his little puppy treasures. Late one afternoon, Bill was recuperating from his labors and stripped off his socks, dropping them on too of his sweaty shoes. The little dog streaked over and snitched a sock for his treasure trove. Apparently it was too rank for him. In half a minute, he was back, returning the offending sock.