What is your favorite hobby or pastime?
I really enjoy writing. Lately, it occupies me a lot. I usually get up early, check out WordPress, and write for a while. I also am deep in a book or two. Besides that, I always have a crochet project going. The interesting thing is, I most often give my creations away. In the nice weather, I work in my yard.
1. A little pee won’t hurt me
2. It is OK to steal food off someone else’s plate
3. If I’m small and cute I can get away with just about anything
4. If I can fit it in my mouth, it’s food
5. Lazing around in hammocks all day and partying all night is the only way to live
6. The world is my toilet
7. All facial orifices require regular inspection
8. If I have a dispute with my neighbour it is socially appropriate for me to beat the crap out of him
9. Sex, food and sleep are my only priorities in life
10. I must be well groomed at all times
Not all rats are as intelligent as the rest. Here’s some terms for describing those less fortunate:
A few sunflowers short of a seed mix
Not the quickest rodent in the rat race
As bright as the inside of a nest box
A few whiskers short of a ratty kiss
As sharp as a dumbo’s ears
The wheel’s spinning, but there’s no one running
Fell out of the rodent family tree
A few peas short of a good dinner
As sharp as a bag of raisins
Signs your rat has learned your internet password
– by ?? and with additions from me
You find email flames in your inbox from some guy named “Templeton”
You discover flecks of aspen bedding in your keyboard
You’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.yogurtdrops
Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.hotrats.com
Your mouse is resting in a hammock in its very own deluxe cage
Your keyboard has a strong territorial scent to it
On IRC you’re known as KingRat (or QueenRat)
There are tiny carpal tunnel braces near your rat’s cage
Your rat suddenly develops the need to sway to focus on things
You find the tools and materials required to construct a home-made bomb in your rat’s stash
Your desktop image has been changed to a photograph of some girl rat called Camille
Someone has run up your credit card with purchases from http://www.vitakraft.com
The stickers have all been stripped from your computer casing
Just managed to nab your naughty escapee rat? Caught your bad rat chewing on the rug? Found your studly buck illegally liaising with the girls? When you take him into custody, remember to read him his rights:
“You have the right to squeak wildly.
You have the right to squirm and scratch and bite my hands.
You have the right to expel your bodily excretions all over my shirt.
Anything you do or say will be taken down and used against you when you’re returned to your cage…
where you will plead innocent, we will crumble at your cuteness and you will be offered a yogurt drop.”
More of Wedeking’s Rattoons
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101 uses for rat raisins
Inspired by Nat of RatRaisins Inc. and with additions by me
Raisins… rats certainly produce a lot of them, so why not capitalise on their efforts!
Food additive:
Raisin toast with butter
Raisin muffins
Raisin and oatmeal cookies
Raisin chip cookies
Roasted raisin butter
Spearmint and raisin herbal tea
Crunchy raisin salad sprinkles
Raisin bouquet garni – great flavour enhancer for soups and stews!
Gourmet chocolate coated raisins
Cake decorations
Raisin crackles – fun for kids parties!
Industrial applications:
Fuel (Hey! They use elephant dung in some countries as fuel, why not?)
Wood putty
Fertilizer
Ammunition
Ball bearings
Fishing gear – a sinker and burly in one!
Bicycle tyre puncture kits
A cheap alternative to Blue-tac
Interior design:
Chimes (quiet chimes – just my style)
Collectibles (anyone try selling their genuine Rat Raisins on eBay?)
Bonsai decorative pebbles
Raisin wattle and daub feature walls
Interesting pot pourri
Arts and crafts:
Mosaics (Just add food colouring!)
Raisin crayon sketching
Unique beads for embroidered cushions
Medicinal and cosmetic use:
Therapeutic raisin heat pillows
Raisin mud packs
Ear plugs
Aromatherapy bath bombs
Toys:
Beanie baby beans
Used in rattles
Woopy cushion scent additive
An alternative to marbles
The top ten reasons why rats love to marinate
Inspired by Nash and the ratlist.
1. To make themselves all tender and sweet for us.
2. Pee is a great leave-in conditioning treatment for rat fur, didn’t you know?
3. Pee is warm on cold nights… ever peed in a wet suit during a winter scuba dive / surf?
4. Ahhh… the delightful tantalising aroma of Eau de Buck… drives the does wild!
5. The nest box sauna is great for relieving tired, aching muscles after a hard workout wreaking havoc about the house.
6. So that their owners will bathe them… they secretly enjoy it.
7. The moist environment prevents ring tail and dry skin.
8. Involvement in the Global Marination Amplification Project (a clandestine rat organisation for world dominance).
9. To attract their owners attention, even if it is only “Euuuuw! You disgusting beasts!”.
10. Because they’re too darned lazy to go to the litter tray
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As the rain pounded on the roof, Lou looked all around. “Boy, I hope Grandma’s not out in this! It’s dangerous!” Her lip quivered, though no tears escaped. “I will not cry! I will not cry! I am not a cry baby!” Facing away from Lynn, she stiffened her back and clinched her fist.
Lynn put her hand on Lou’s shoulder. “Lou, I know you’re worried but your grandma’s probably up at the house with Mother. Look around. We’d see her if she was out here. As soon as the storm’s over, we’ll head for the house.”
That made sense. “But won’t your mom be looking for you out in this storm?” Lou sniffled a little, still fighting tears.
“Oh no!” Lynn laughed. “She knows exactly where I am. We always play in the barn when it rains.”
That caught Lou’s attention. “Who is ‘we’?” She asked.
“My brother Billy. He’ll be home after a while. He went with Daddy and my uncle to take a truckload of hogs to the auction.” Now it was her turn for a quivering lip. “I could have ridden in the back with the hogs, but daddy said I’d be so dirty he might sell me by mistake mixed in with the pigs. It makes me so mad to get left out because I’m a girl! It’s just not fair!”
Now, Lou felt sorry for her. “No it’s not.” She agreed.
They were’t the only ones escaping the rain. An enormous red cow with menacing curved horns loped clumsily into the barn. To escape the huge beast, Lou bounded up the stack of baled hay. “ Lookout, she’s gonna get you!” She shouted.
The cow ran straight at Lynn, bellowing and wagging her horns side to side. Lou hid her eyes behind her hands, not wanting to see the cow destroy Lynn. Then she heard laughter. “Bessie, you big old baby. When are you gonna learn to stay with the cows under the shed?”
Bessie leaned into Lynn, licking her face, then nudging her. “Stop it, Bessie! You’re about to knock me down!” With that, she pulled a pear out of her pocket. “Here. That’s all I’ve got. Bessie opened her big mouth and chomped the pear with one big crunch. Pear juice dripped out of her mouth. She bumped Lynn, hoping to shake loose another. “Nope, that’s it.” Bessie looked very disappointed at Lynn’s stinginess.
“You’re not scared of her with those big horns? Lou couldn’t take it in.
“No! We raised her on a bottle from a tiny calf. Her mama wouldn’t feed her. All you have to be worried about is , she might stomp your foot trying to get a treat. That hurts! Want to give her that other pear? Hold it out with your hand flat so she won’t crunch your fingers.”
Lou climbed off the hay and held the pear out to Bessie like Lou showed her. Bessie took in her mouth, gobbling it down in a big, noisy crunch, leaving slimy slobber on her hand. Then she licked Lou’s hand greedily, hoping for more.
“Ooh! That’s gross!” Said Lou., wiping her hands on her shorts.
“Yep. I never said she wouldn’t slobber on you. I just said she wouldn’t bite you,” Lynn clearly found it hilarious.
“Look the rain has stopped. We can go ask Mother if she’s seen your grandma. One thing, though. Don’t bang the doors as you go in. If you wake up the babies and get them crying, I’ll have to stay in and help take care of them. We’ll be stuck in the house.”
“Y’all have babies?” Lou was astonished. She’d rarely had a chance to be around babies.
“Yeah, a big one and a little one. I like the big one best. She’s cute and will play with you. The little one just sleeps and squalls and messes up her diapers. There’s not much fun in that.”
Lou’s ears kind of perked up. She didn’t want to get them crying but it might be fun to look at them. She sure didn’t want to be around for messy diapers. The best thing of all, Grandma was probably in the house, waiting for her! “Let’s go!”
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