Guarantee

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

Assuming I were given a guarantee of success, I’d be a gymnast. I was never lithe nor coordinated, even as a child. The vision of me doing a floor routine or performing on the uneven bar is ludicrous. I think I was built for utility not grace.

Lou and Lynn Part 6 Lou Learns How to Handle a Baby’s Messy Moments

A laughing, blue-eyed baby sat splashing happily in a puddle of pee as the girls walked in the back door. She staggered to her knees and waddled crazily holding her hands up to Lynn. Her droopy diaper was barely hanging on.

“Oh Lynn.” I’m so glad you’re home. Can you please take that wet diaper off Connie and put her in the bathtub? The mop’s over there. You need to mop up that puddle before somebody slips in it. And DON’T wake the little baby up.” Lynn’s mother said.

Lynn’s face fell. “Mother, what if her diaper’s poopy?”

“You’d smell it if it was. If you’d rather peel these potatoes and put them on to boil, I’ll do it. Which will it be? Everyone has to help.” She said.

“I’ll do the bath.” said Lynn woefully. picking Connie up and holding her at arm’s length. “Lou, can you mop up that puddle?”

“Sure,” said Lou, making quick work of the puddle. She followed Lynn down the hall to the bathroom. The droopy diaper fell off in the hall, splatting as it hit.

“Thank goodness, no poop!” laughed Lynn. It’s my lucky day. I wouldn’t want to clean that up. She sat Connie in the tub and started running the water. Connie tried to stand and Lynn handed her a wash cloth. The baby sat and started splashing. Water went everywhere. She was so cute Lou couldn’t help laughing. “Lou, can you watch her while I get the diaper? Don’t let her stand up. She’ll fall.”

“Nooooo!” Said Lou. “I’ll get the diaper. I never took care of a baby.!” Before that, Lou would never have expected to mop up pee or volunteer to pick up a wet diaper. She trotted out of the bathroom and returned holding the wet diaper by the tiniest corner. She’d still gotten pee on her fingers. She rinsed them off in the bathtub, splashing Connie a little. Connie laughed out loud, slapping bath water back at Lou. She was adorable. It was fun bathing the baby.

Lynn’s mom appeared at the bathroom door. “Thanks , Lynn. I’ll finish. Can you girls run out to the chicken yard and gather eggs? I need a couple for the cornbread. Go ahead and feed the chickens while you’re out there.”

“Yes, ma’am.” answered Lynn., heading out the kitchen door. She picked up a bucket off the porch. Lou tagged along, following Lynn into a a wire enclosure full of squawking chickens. The chickens rushed at the girls. Lynn scooped up a bucket of corn from a barrel tossing it on the ground to the greedy chickens. A big rooster jumped on Lynn’s shoulder to eat out of her hand. “Hey Chicky! Here’s your supper. I raised Chicky in a box in my room. He thinks I’m his mama because I was there when he hatched out. I just love Chicky. Let’s get the eggs.” She reached into a row of nesting boxes and took an egg out of most. A hen sitting in one nest grumbled and pecked at her when Lynn reached under her”

”Did that hurt?” asked Lou.

”No. She didn’t peck hard. She’s just fussing. We better get these in. Mother’s waiting.” Answered Lynn.

”But you left an egg in every nest.” Lou noted.

”Those are china nest eggs… fake eggs. They fool the hens. If you take all the eggs, they’ll leave the nest.”

”Lynn!” her mother called from the kitchen door. I need those eggs!”

They raced for the house.

To be continued:

Navigating Life with Seniors: Lessons Learned

image

imageI wonder if I do a lot of “old person” stuff? It’s probably one of those things your kid would have to tell you. Let me explain. After we went to the grocery store, I took Mother to Gateway to pick up her car. She took her small bag of groceries with her and went in to pay and get her keys while I waited in the lot off to the side, To be sure everything worked out okay. I knew I should have gone in with her. A few minutes later, she pulled behind me, blocking me and two other drivers. As the other drivers honked, Mother left her car in the drive and came over to talk to me.

“They just had to fix the front brakes. The back ones were fine! It only cost one hundred twenty-one dollars.” She was beaming.

“That’s great, but you need to move your car. People are honking!”

“Well they’re just gonna have to wait. I have to get my groceries.” She replied, huffily.

“Mother, you already put your bag in the car.”

“Oh, I forgot. Anyway, I had to tell you everything was okay.”

Annoyed at my nerve, she got in her car, pulled out and cut it too short, running over the curb as she pulled out.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, I got a call, “Could you see if I left my phone in your car. I can’t find it, anywhere.”

She had.

Best Chicken Jokes for You

JOKE #1: Why did Mozart have to get rid of his chickens?
Because all they kept saying was BACH, BACH, BACH.

JOKE #2: Why did the chicken cross the road?
She wanted to lay it on the line.

JOKE #3: What wakes up a chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.

JOKE #4: Why do chickens take so many vacations?
Because they are always cooped up.

JOKE #5: Why do chickens make good investment bankers?
Because they are always working on their nest egg.

JOKE #6: Why did the rooster resent his wife.
He was hen-pecked.

JOKE #7: What does the hen say every night when putting the chicks to bed?
I don’t want to hear a peep out of anybody.

JOKE #8: How do chickens stop traffic?
They use a LEGHORN. (that’s the white breed of chicken)

JOKE #9: What movies do chickens watch?
Anything with Gregory PECK.

JOKE #10: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To run away from all of these terrible jokes!

JOKE #11: What happened when the businessman fired the chicken?

Not much. But it did ruffle some feathers.

JOKE #12: What happened when none of the farmer’s eggs hatched?

He was investigated by the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incubation)

JOKE #13: Why do chickens get hit in the face with pies?

Because chickens can’t duck.

JOKE #14: Why were the teen-aged chickens sent to the principal’s office?

Because they were caught using fowl language.

JOKE #15: What’s the most a chicken can hope for?

To win the PULLET-zer prize.

JOKE #16: Why do chickens make such poor stand up comedians?

Because they can’t wing it very well.

JOKE #17: Why did the two hens faint at the carnival?

They accidentally watched the egg toss.

JOKE #18: Why couldn’t the brave rooster stop the fight?

He was chicken.

JOKE #19: How do you avoid getting into trouble around strict chickens?

You do EGGSactly what you’re told.

….and my worst one….drum(stick)roll please…..

JOKE #20: What steamy romance novel were the hens caught reading last night?

“Chicken Strips in Las Vegas”

Grandson’s Fascination: The Mystery of a Dead Fish

imageWhen my grandson was about two, I went to babysit for a few days while his preschool was on break.  While he was happy enough to have me visit, he wasn’t altogether satisfied with my babysitting services.  I spent a great deal of time trying to find an activity that pleased him in the late afternoons before his mom got home.  They lived Continue reading