In my many years working as an acute dialysis nurse, on the evenings I was on call, the last thing I did before packing it in for the day was look to see if any of my patients who were frequently admitted were were being seen in the Emergency Room. If they were, I checked their diagnosis to see if I was likely to be called back to do an emergency treatment. I’d much rather tend to problems sooner than layer. I never learned to enjoy being awakened at two am for care I could have completed before midnight.

The first employee a patient saw upon entering the ER was usually a clerk with no medical training. They asked the patient what the problem was and typed it directly in. Should the patient be in distress, a nurse was summoned immediately. Some diagnoses in the computer raised more questions than they answered.

1. Zipped britches on weiner(hurts to think about that)
2. Spinning and vomiting.(that one sounds like a real mess)

3. Fried worms in ear(Grandma used folk cure)

4. Lightbulb, sausage,flashlight up rectum(not uncommon)

5. Paper cut(wanted work excuse)

6. Request viagra prescription

7. Baby threw up once after eating squash(fine now. Eating chips)

8. Found 2 ticks on pants(hadn’t attached, mom wanted child checked)

9. Nausea(patient had vomiting phobia)

10. Mosquito bite(no rash, allergic reaction)

Thankfully ERs are there for people who need them but everything is not an emergency!