Day: October 15, 2024

Good Neighbor

What makes a good neighbor?

A good neighbor is friendly but non-intrusive. My groceries were recently delivered to my neighbors l’s house and he brought them over. I tended his dogs when he was hospitalized. My other neighbor caught my dog when it slipped out. I was grateful. I share baked goods or canned goods sometimes. My neighbors say they appreciate it. We share pertinent news, burn bans, boil water advisories, and other important information. We all try to make life easier for each other.

Morning Giggles

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9.  You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8.  You ask for high fiber candy only.

7.  When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your Balance and fall over.

6.  People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask,’
And you’re not wearing a mask.

5.  When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or…’
And can’t remember the rest.

4.  By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3.  You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2.  You’re the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating…
*
*
*
1.  You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway

Lou and Lynn Part 12 Escalating Tensions: Family Vs. Sheriff in a Small Town

As soon they finished breakfast, the menfolks headed outdoors. The dogs kicked up a ruckus. The sheriff was back.

Al invited him in. Everyone gathered in the living room, anxious to hear what he had to say. He addressed the adults. “None of this gal’s story checks out.” He said “gal” like it was something nasty on his shoe. “ I need to ask her a few questions. I called the Houston Police Department to ask about a missing kid and old lady. There ain’t no record of Eloise Daly or her grandmother reported missing. Besides that, there is no 3412 Crawford Road in Houston. Crawford Road numbers stop at 242. After that it runs out to the country. There’s nothin’ but cows out there. That phone number you gave me ain’t no good. How come I can’t find out about nothin’ you told me?”

Lynn’s daddy looked hard at her. The sheriff shifted in his chair, looking at her hard. “Now I’m gonna ask again an’ I don’t want anymore of your lyin’. “What’s your name and birthdate?”

Lou was scared now. “My name is Eloise Daly. I was born July 2, 2015. I just had my ninth birthday a couple of weeks ago. I live at 3412 Crawford Road, Houston, Texas, just like I told you.” She waited.

The sheriff’s face flushed. He stood up. I guess you think you real smart don’t you? You know as well as I do it’s 1964, You know what I think? I think your grandma put you out here so you could you could open the door for her. Y’all are plannin’ on robbin’ folks. There’s been some break ins last week. Don’t be lying no more about Houston or being born in 2015. You might be crazy, but I ain’t. I’m takin’ you in till your grandma shows up: Then I’ll deal with her. Come on.”

“Now hold on a minute.” said Lynn’s daddy. “This kid may be telling crazy stories but you can’t take a kid to jail for that. She ain’t hurt nothing. She ain’t no bigger than my girl. You can’t put a kid in jail.” he said.

“You’re steppin’ over the line here,” said the sheriff. Do you really want to get arrested over this lyin’ kid?”

Aunt Kat interrupted. “He’s right, Al. You don’t want to go to jail over this. Lou, come with me. We’ll get your stuff.” Lou looked like she’d been slapped but she followed Aunt Kat, to the back of the house still holding the baby.

Aunt Kat got two belts from her husband’s closet. She looped them together and fastened one around herself and the infant, and the other around Lou. They could only move together. She stuffed a few diapers in the diaper bag. “Now don’t you say a word. You’re not going anywhere. Come on.” They walked in lockstep back to the living room.

“Sheriff, you know me. I’m a decent woman and a church member. I can’t let you take this child off by herself. It’s not right. Me and the baby have to go with her. I’m the only one that can feed the baby. You can lock us all up together. She doesn’t cry too much. Al, you and Lynn can manage somehow with Connie. She’s on the bottle.” Al panicked. He’d never been responsible for the house or baby.

“No! Sheriff. You can’t take my wife and baby. She’s never done a wrong thing in her life. Kathy, you can’t go off! You’ve got a family to take care of.” Al was determined not to let her go. Little Connie clung to her mother’s leg screaming. Right on cue, she soiled her diaper.

“Al, I’m not letting a nine-year-old girl go off alone with the sheriff. You’ll just have to manage.” She responded. Al thought she’d lost her mind.

“Sheriff, This family can’t manage without her. If you’ll leave the girl here I’ll take responsibility for her. If her grandma shows up, I’ll get you word. You know I am a man of my word. I’ve never been in any trouble.” Al held out his hand.

The sheriff actually looked relieved. He’d opened a can of worms. He held out his hand to shake. “I expect to hear from you if her grandma shows up.

To be continued:

Chicken Jokes

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Psychiatrist: What seems to be the problem?

Patient: I think I’m a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I came out of my shell.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,” said the woman.

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses, he added, “What are you celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!”

“What a coincidence!” said the man. “I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.”

“That’s great!” said the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?”

“I used a different rooster,” he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, “What a coincidence!”

On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs.

“How is that possible?” I asked.
“Himalayan rooster,” he replied.

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:”Is he any good for mating?”

“Oh, no problem there, he took care of every single chicken I had. He even tries to carry on with ducks, turkeys, even pigs!”

“Then why” asks the puzzled farmer “are you even selling him?”

“You see” answers the seller “lately he’s been looking at me kinda funny.”