Day: October 22, 2024

History

What major historical events do you remember?

Like everybody of my era, I remember the JFK assassination. I was in the eighth grade sitting on the bleachers in the gym with friends . It was surreal. It made such an impact, I even remember what I was wearing, a green corduroy jumper dress with a pleated skirt. It was such a shock it seemed like an Alice in Wonderland experience. I instantly understood nothing would ever be the same. I lived in the segregated deep South, so I am sorry to say some prejudiced ,younger students cheered but were quickly shamed into silence. It was a life-altering moment.

Funniest Stories

Gary was out and about one day doing errands or some such and drove past a Amish store. Everyone knows the Amish make good cheese and Gary decided to go back and get some good Amish cheese. When he drove in there were a few horse and buggy rigs tied up here and there. Gary gets out of his truck and starts into the store. There is an Amish man with a shovel scooping up horse poop and putting it in a bucket. Gary says to the man “what are you going to do with that…” and the Amish man answers him that he is going to put it on his strawberries. Gary says ” put it on your strawberries…!!!” and the Amish man says ” yah… put it on my strawberries… it is very good on strawberries, what do you put on your strawberries” and Gary says… ” we put whipped cream on our strawberries.

Gary loads up a couple of cows to take to the sale barn one morning and gets hit by a Semi truck on the way to the sale barn…the Highway Patrol officer arrives on the scene of the accident and hollers… “hey! this cow over here is badly hurt”…”BOOOM” shoots the cow and states… “I put the poor thing out of it’s misery”… the officer then hurries on over to Gary and asks Gary…”Are you hurt?”  Gary says…”no,no! I’m just fine,not hurt at all”….

It has been 10 months since we shared a Friday Funny, due to a lack of good material.  Special thanks to Ed Jowers, Emeritus Jackson County Extension Director for sending this funny story to share:

Photo Credit: Scott Sommerdorf

The Chicken Cannon

Scientists at NASA built a special cannon to launch standard 6-pound, whole dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.  The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

Engineers working on the Bullet Train project heard about the cannon and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a cannon was sent to the Bullet Train engineers.

The engineers were excited to see the results of years of hard work and planning.  They set up the experiment and even invited several government officials to attend that had championed the funding of this project.  They had a grand ceremony with a countdown.  The speedy bullet train roared down the test track at over 200 mph and the engineers fired the chicken cannon.

After the canon was fired, the engineers stood in shock as they viewed in horror at the damage.  The shatterproof glass was smashed to smithereens, there was a huge hole in the control console, the driver’s seat had the head rest blown off, and the chicken embedded into the back wall of the train engine’s cabin.

Luckily this was an unmanned test, so no one was hurt except for the pride of the engineers.  It was as if they were little boys who broke their prize Christmas present.  That chicken trashed their modern marvel.

Immediately the engineers began assessing the damages, took numerous photos and measurements and sent a full report, along with their pages of scientific designs to engineers at NASA.  The desperate engineers were totally dumbfounded and asked for an explanation of what could have possibly gone wrong?  Their email to the head engineer at NASA said, “Please help us understand how to resolve this issue.  We followed all standard protocols and double checked every safety precaution prior to the test with the chicken cannon!”

In just a few minutes, the Bullet Train engineers were shocked by the rapid response.  The head engineer at NASA responded with just one short line in bold, all capital letters:

“DEFROST THE CHICKEN FIRST!”

Finish the Story #4

Tiffany was dating Robert. He had a good job just as she did. They were so much in love. When he took her to meet his parents in Florida, everything went really well until his brother Joseph came to visit. He pulled Tiffany into his lap in front of the entire family. She was humiliated. Robert walked over and helped her up and told Joseph not to do that again. The men’s parents laughed it off as a prank. Later Joseph caught her alone in the kitchen and pinned her against the wall, fondling her.

Finish the story:

Lou and Lynn Part 18 Life Lessons from Aunt Kat: Kids, Oatmeal, and Playtime

Aunt Kat woke the girls a little after eight the next morning. “I let y’all sleep late this morning since we were out so late last night. We can’t go to church since there’s a flat on the car.”

Lynn cheered.

“Young lady. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You know you need to be in church!”

Lynn didn’t look ashamed at all but did the best she could. “I know, but I hate church clothes. They’re all fancy and scratchy.”

“Pit on your play clothes, make your bed, and wake Billy. Breakfast is ready. I want to sew today, so I need help with the babies for a while. Then you can go play.

She was standing at the stove when the kids got to the kitchen. “Bring your bowls and get some oatmeal.”

Billy was so disappointed at the menu he launched a protest. “I hate oatmeal! Can’t I have biscuits and eggs.”

“No, you cannot! You’ll eat oatmeal or do without! I’m not putting up with a picky eater!” Aunt Kat told him. “Bring me your bowl.”

She flopped oatmeal in his bowl, adding sugar and milk. He ended up eating two bowls. “Where’s Daddy?” He finally thought to ask.

“He went back to help finish digging the well.” she told him.

“Just the men went today” his mother told him. They have to finish up today.”

“Baw!” Billy burst out crying, almost before she finished. “I wanted to go play with Waynie, Troy, and Gary again.

“Girls, Aunt Julie brought a box of Sue’s outgrown clothes and shoes for y’all to share. It’s hard to keep enough of Lynn’s washed up for the two of you.” she said.

“ I hope it’s play clothes. I hate those fancy dresses Aunt Julie makes Sue wear.” Lynn said.

“Whatever she sent, you’ll wear. We can’t go buying more when we don’t have to.” Aunt Kat said. “The little baby’s acting like she’s sleepy. She’s been up since five. If I one of you would rock her to sleep while the other does dishes, y’all could play outside. I can watch Connie while I sew.”

Lynn rushed to do dishes. “I never rocked a baby.” said Lou.

“Nothing to it.” said Aunt Kat. “Sit in the rocker with your arm around her and hold the bottle like this. Keep the bottle tipped up like this. If she gets air, she’ll get a tummy ache.”

The little baby cuddled sweetly into Lou’s arms. She pulled at her bottle eagerly and stared into Lou’s eyes intently. Lou could tell the baby liked her. As she neared the end of the bottle, the baby drifted off to sleep. Aunt Kat lifted the baby out of Lou’s arms and burped her, quietly taking her back to her bed.

When she came back, she shooed the three kids out to play. Connie was scooting happily around the room in her walker.

Thrilled to be outdoors, Lou said, “Let’s go check on Grandma’s bike. She told me in a dream she tried to work on getting it back and it pulled in half. We might find half a bike. Wherever she is now, she’s trying to learn how to get me back home.” They raced to the pear tree. Lou’s scooter was nowhere to be seen but a mangled portion of Grandma’s bike lay in the deep grass. “Wow,” Lou said. “I don’t want to get pulled in half like that. Grandma can take all the time she needs.”

“Sure can,” said Lynn. “It’s fun having you here. Let’s race to the barn!”