Day: October 24, 2024

English Professor

What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

Had I chosen at a more expedient time, I would have done well to pursue a PhD in Literature. Literature and writing were my first loves. My initial degree was English Education. I was an abysmal teacher. At the time I entered nursing, I wanted no more to do with teaching. Now I write because I must.

Best horse jokes

A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

2. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

3. A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”

4. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

5. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.

6. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.

7. Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

8. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.

9. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

10. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

11. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours of course.

12. A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”

13. Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

14. How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters? MTGG.

15. A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”

16. How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.

17. Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it

18. How do you make an appaloosa? Shake the tree

19. Which type of cheese do horses like best? Masc-a-pony

20. What sort of horses come out after dark? Nightmares

21. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!

22. What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever

23. What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbred

Lynn and Lou Part 19 A Day with Pixie: Adventures in the Barn

The barn beckoned the frisky children. “Oh, look There’s Pixie” called out Billy. “Let’s get pet her. Here she comes.”Pixie, a big brown horse with a black mane trotted toward them. she lowered her head and nudged the kid’s shirt pockets. “She wants a treat.” Said Billy. “Let’s get some corn.”

Lynn boosted Billy up so he could scoop corn out of a barrel. “Watch this” said Lynn. She held her hand out flat and Pixie scooped up a few grains with her soft mustached muzzle.

“Let me!” demanded Billy , offering Pixie a few kernels of corn off his outstretched hand. “It tickles!” he laughed.

“Try it.” said Lynn. Hold your hand still and flat. She won’t bite you.” Sure enough, Pixie snuffled up on her corn off Lou’s hand. Afterward, she nuzzled Lou’s cupped hands.

“She’s so sweet!” exclaimed Lou.

“Can we ride her?” asked Lou.

“Daddy said we can ride her any time we want to when we can saddle and bridle her ourselves. It’s easy to get the bridle on but the saddle’s is really heavy. Maybe if we both try, we could saddle her. Billy holds her close to the fence and feeds her corn.”

Lou had always wanted to ride a horse. “Let’s try! I’ll bet we can.” They went to the feed room and got the bridle, blanket and saddle. Lynn easily got the bridle on while Billy offered Pixie more corn. Between them, the two girls pulled and tugged till they got the heavy saddle on the top rail of the fence. After smoothing the blanket on Pixie’s back, they were able to work together to slide the saddle on her broad back, taking care to keep blanket smooth. “A wrinkle will make a sore. We’d never want to do that.” cautioned Lynn. Lynn showed her how to cinch the saddle.

“Oh no! breathed Lou. She’d never want to hurt this beautiful horse. All three children were on the top fence rail now.

Billy slid in the front of the saddle next to the horn leaving plenty of room in the saddle behind him. “Okay. Billy. Hold the reins. I’ll get behind you. Lou, scoot right behind me and hold on tight. We’ll give it a go.” Lynn said.

Lou slid over. It was a little scary on Pixie’s broad back. It would be a long way to fall. “Hang on tight!” said Lynn. With that, she nudged Pixie walked off. Lou held on tight.

She was riding!

Slap Yo’ Mama Good Eatin’

I’ve gotten many questions about grits.  Grits are a hot cereal, made from treating field corn with a lye process.  Afterward, the grits are simmered, served as a breakfast cereal with butter and maybe sugar and milk.  At our house, we spoon grits over eggs. (no sugar or milk) One of the most succulent and delicious dishes on this planet is Shrimp and Grits.  If you ever see it on the menu at a coastal restaurant in the South or Southeast, order it, no matter who laughs at you. Be prepared to guard it with your life when it gets to the table.  Everybody who laughed when you ordered will want a bite when they see how happy you are.  Let them suffer!

Another regional favorite is Hog’s Head Cheese. Farm kids learn early,  it’s best not to be friends with a pig you plan to butcher.  This delicacy has nothing to do with cheese and everything to do with a hog’s head.  It is very simple to prepare, for those of you who are already smacking your lips.   The next time you butcher a hog, save the head.  Scald it in boiling, soapy water before scrubbing and scraping off the whiskers.  With your fingers, pry the eyeballs out, taking care not to rupture them. That is extremely disagreeable and makes it harder to get the membranes out of the sockets. You can throw in the feet if you don’t plan to make Pickled Pig’s Feet.  When the head is thoroughly clean, boil it until all the flesh, contents of the head, skin, and cartilage fall off the bone.  Try to let it boil low toward the end, so the broth will be reduced.  Debone, reserving broth.  Chop meat, add large minced onions, about eight cloves minced garlic, 1 teaspoon of salt and black pepper per pound of meat,  three to five tablespoons sage, red pepper if you like spicy.  Add 1/2 vinegar.  Mix in enough of reserved broth to mix till consistency of cooked oatmeal.  Pour into loaf pans.  Cover with foil and cool overnight.  By the next morning can be turned out and sliced for cold cuts or rolled in egg and flour and browned in skillet.  Store covered in refrigerator up to a week.  Freezes well

I recommend you serve it with Poke-Salad, Fried Mountain Oysters, Buzzard Butter, Pickled Pig’s Feet, Hopping John, and Hush Puppies.