A kid receives a train set for Christmas. He puts it together and begins to play with it as mom goes into the kitchen. She hears him play and run the train. She then hears the train stop.

She then hears the the boy say, Anyone who want’s to get off get the hell off now! And anyone who is getting on GET ON NOW YOU IDIOTS because we gotta go!

Well mom did not like this and yelled at the boy about proper language and such. She punished him by sending him to his bedroom for 20 minutes.

20 minutes go by she calls him and he resumes playing with his train. She hears the train run then come to a stop and the boy spoke up.
“Ladies and gentlemen we have arrived at our next stop. Please check the overhead baggage racks before leaving and thanking you for riding with us. For thos boarding please have your tickets ready. And for those who are upset about the 20 minute delay please see the b___ in the kitchen. 

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young woman. The four passengers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young woman proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young woman, all pull a dollar bill out of their wallets. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs.”

Men being what they are, they all pulled out a ten dollar bill. The woman pulls up her dress all the way to her stocking tops.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young woman says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!”

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly – he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently awakens the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he exclaims.

“Good,” she replies. “Get your own damn blanket!”

After a moment of silence, he farts.