A Kid at Heart

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

A kid at heart feels joy at the quirkiness of life even if incapable of acting like a child. They are not jaded. They are still awed by the miracle of sunrise and sunset. Every newborn brings promise. A kid at heart appreciates fun, love, and life. A kid at heart is vibrant.

Morning Funnies

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageA hunter stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: “Am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for three days.” Hunter 2: “Don’t get too excited, friend, I’ve been lost for three weeks.”

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.” The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

A Texas mountain lion slipped across the line into Oklahoma to visit his cousin and couldn’t help noticing how sleek and well-fed his cousin looked.

“Hey Buddy, what’s your secret to eating so well?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy, cousin. All you gotta do is sneak up behind a cowboy and scare the crap out of him. Then you eat’im,” he answered.

“All right! I’ll give it a shot!” He took off across the plains and they didn’t meet up again for about six months.

“Well, I thought you be looking a lot better by now, but it looks like you’re ’bout to starve to death. Didn’t that advice I gave you help at all?” said the Oklahoma cat.

“Naw, it didn’t,” said the Texas cat. “I sneaked up and scared the crap out off ’em all right, but once you scare the crap out of a Texas cowboy, all you got left is boots and a belt buckle.”

 

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How to connect with Linda

Blog: https://atomic-temporary-73629786.wpcomstaging.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/bethea_linda

 

Train Joke

A kid receives a train set for Christmas. He puts it together and begins to play with it as mom goes into the kitchen. She hears him play and run the train. She then hears the train stop.

She then hears the the boy say, Anyone who want’s to get off get the hell off now! And anyone who is getting on GET ON NOW YOU IDIOTS because we gotta go!

Well mom did not like this and yelled at the boy about proper language and such. She punished him by sending him to his bedroom for 20 minutes.

20 minutes go by she calls him and he resumes playing with his train. She hears the train run then come to a stop and the boy spoke up.
“Ladies and gentlemen we have arrived at our next stop. Please check the overhead baggage racks before leaving and thanking you for riding with us. For thos boarding please have your tickets ready. And for those who are upset about the 20 minute delay please see the b___ in the kitchen. 

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young woman. The four passengers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young woman proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young woman, all pull a dollar bill out of their wallets. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs.”

Men being what they are, they all pulled out a ten dollar bill. The woman pulls up her dress all the way to her stocking tops.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young woman says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!”

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly – he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently awakens the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he exclaims.

“Good,” she replies. “Get your own damn blanket!”

After a moment of silence, he farts.

Finish the Story #7

You are a nurse. Your elderly aunt calls to invite you to her only daughter’s wedding. She has an additional request. She wants to stay with you while her daughter goes on a one week honeymoon. She is a brittle diabetic. incontinent and needs insulin injections and blood sugar checks twice daily. She has no one else to ask. Finish the story.

Boxcar Grafitti

Grafitti fascinates me.

Lou and Lynn Part 22 Exploring Old Boxcars: A Girl’s Adventure

Lou soon knew why Lynn liked Sue so much. Sue was good-natured and loved playing outdoors. They climbed trees and played in the creek as much as they wanted. Sue had no chores, so nothing interfered with playing. Aunt Julie wasn’t fussy about how dirty they got. She rinsed them off with the water hose before they came in.


The only low point was Aunt Julie made all the kids come in and take an afternoon nap. In reality, only Aunt Julie and the boys took a nap. She just made them all lie down. Lou hadn’t taken a nap in years. There was no way she could go to sleep in the middle of the day. The girls started out lying on Sue’s bed talking quietly. Of course, they soon got giggly, then rowdy. Aunt Julie kept rousing up telling them to be quiet. By the time they had a pillow fight and broke a vase, she was furious. She gave up on her nap and ran them outdoors.

Fortunately, she didn’t stay mad long and brought out popsicles. The girls had the creek and vine to themselves while the boys napped. In the late afternoon, Troy and Billy woke up and came out to play. Aunt Julie brought the rescue puppy. He was the cutest little guy. Once he got over his shyness, he got rowdy and played enthusiastically.

A railroad track lay in the woods not too far behind Sue’s house. Two abandoned boxcars stood on a sidetrack. “Have you ever looked in those boxcars?” asked Lynn. “That looks interesting.”

”Let’s go see what’s in them,” answered Sue. The girls took off running. The boxcars were a lot bigger than they’d looked from a distance. They had to boost each other up, then pull the last girl up. It took a minute for their eyes to adjust to the darkness inside the boxcars.

The walls of the interior were covered with graffiti. There were two huge dragons battling each other, spewing fire from their mouths. A huge Jesus covered the end with the giant word, “”Repent!”There were a couple of women with their clothes falling off. There were numerous poems the girls could never repeat. It would have taken hours to see everything but it was getting dusky. From the house, they could hear the honking of a car horn. Sue looked startled. “Oh no, I bet Mama’s looking for us!” They climbed out and raced back home through the tall grass.

Sure enough , Aunt Julie was waiting for them. “Where in the world have you girls been? Troy said he saw you headed for the old train.” she said. She looked upset!

”We looked in them,” Sue said. “You should have seen all the pictures on the walls!”

”Don’t you ever go around those boxcars again! That’s dangerous! There could have been hobos hiding out there. There’s no telling what could have happened to you. Lynn, if your daddy ever finds out you went in those boxcars, you’ll never get to come back. You’d better think hard about that! Oh my Lord. You girls scared me!”

Big-eyed, the girls exchanged glances. Thy knew they’d never tell!

Wishes?

You have three magic genie wishes, what are you asking for?

I only need one. People would treat others fairly

.

Tarzan joke

Tarzan had just taught his new girlfriend, Jane, how to swing from a vine.

Jane saw a long, thin stick hanging among the vines. “Can I try swinging from that?” she asked Tarzan.

“You can try,” replied Tarzan. “But trust me, it won’t work.”

So Jane grabbed the stick. Then, much to Tarzan’s amazement, Jane was swinging from the stick just as well as he had ever swung from a vine!

When Jane came back, Tarzan was shocked. “I’ve tried to swing from that thing my whole life!” he said. “But it’s impossible! And you managed it on the first try! How did you do it?”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Typical. I start dating a guy I like, and it turns out he can’t drive a stick.”

Joke of the Day

Mike met his badly battered friend Bryan at the bar one Saturday night.

“Faith and Begorrah, man.  What happened to you? ”

“Mike McGarrity came at me with a baseball bat and caught me with no way to defend myself.”

image“Good heavens, Bryan.  Don’t you know better than to let yourself get caught with nothing in your hand!”

“Well, I did have Mrs. McGarrity’s breast in me hand, and a thing of beauty it is, but not of much use in a fight!”