Day: November 9, 2024

Expensive

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

Bud and I went to a music store to pick up guitar strings one day. He looked longingly at the Martin Guitars on display as he always did. I asked which he’d choose if price didn’t matter. He said he’d always wanted the Martin HD28. I summoned the sales person and bought it on the spot. Bud was stunned. I turned out to be a joyous choice. He got serious about learning and has become quite good. It’s brought us both many hours of enjoyment. I’m glad I bought it. I

t’s harder to be happy about the banjo he bought himself.

Thanksgiving Jokes for Your Pleasure

  • “Why did the turkey bring a microphone?” “He was ready to roast.”
  • “Which side of a turkey has more feathers?” “The outside.”
  • “Is that your pop-up timer or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?” “Drumsticks for everyone!” 
  • “Why did the turkey stand on stilts?” “Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.”
  • “What kind of turkey requires ID?” “Wild Turkey.”
  • “What did the turkey say when he met the president?” “Pardon me.”
  • “How does a turkey travel?” “By gravy train.”
  • “What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving?” “Lucky!”
  • “What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?” “Turn-key only.”
  • “What’s a turkey’s favorite month?” “They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than November!”
  • “What sound does a turkey’s phone make?” “Wing-wing-wing.”
  • “What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?” “Quack, Quack!”
  • “Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?” “He sensed fowl play.”
  • “What key has legs and can’t open a door?” “A tur-key.” 
  • “Why did they let the turkey join the band?” “Because he had his own drumsticks.”
  • “What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?” “He got the stuffing knocked out of him!”

Izzy’s Journey: From Trash to Treasures

My little rescue dog obviously never had a toy before settling in with us. He was a quick study. Soon he was obsessing over them.

When I make the bed in the morning, I empty the bed of his menagerie. He quickly returns them to the foot of the bed. As the day continues, he progressively moved them toward Bud’s pillow and rumples the bed covers in order to conceal them.

I’m glad he shares his collection exclusively with Bud, especially his two favorites, a desiccated round steak bone and a shark rib bone he snitched from the trash. Bud trashed the bones several times, but the keep returning.

Izzy’s collection
Izzy

Hilarious Teacher and Student Jokes to Brighten Your Day

  1. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
    One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
  2. Why do geographers find mountains so funny?
    Because they’re hill areas.
  3. What pencil did Shakespeare write with?
    2B.
  4. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
    At the bottom.
  5. Who invented fractions?
    Henry the 1/4th.
  6. What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
    I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!
  7. What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
    Summer!
  8. Why does the principal keep talking to me about having more “arty eye” (RTI)? I teach reading, not art.
  9. Teacher: Craig, you know you can’t sleep in my class.
    Craig: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
  10. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
  11. Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
    Pupil: Life imprisonment!
  12. Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
    Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
  13. Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
  14. Where do door-makers get their education?
    The school of hard knocks.
  15. Teacher: Why have you got cotton in your ears? Do you have an infection?
    Pupil: Well, you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to keep them it all in!
  16. Kid comes home from first day at school. Mom asks, “What did you learn today?” Kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
  17. Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
    Teacher: Of course not.
    Pupil: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
  18. There is one person in our district who is all about “No Child Left Behind.”
    Who’s that?
    The bus driver.
  19. What kinds of tests do they give witches?
    Hex-aminations.
  20. Teacher: You copied from Fred’s exam paper, didn’t you?
    Pupil: How did you know?
    Teacher: Fred’s paper says “I don’t know” and you put, “Me neither!”

Growing Up in the Shadow of a Model Student

Attending a small rural school where “everybody knows everybody” presents problems for the lackadaisical student unfortunate enough to follow a “model” student. My older sister was the darling of every teacher. She always did her homework, had beautiful penmanship, and followed all the rules. She never missed a spelling word until fourth grade when she forgot to cross the T in grandfather and didn’t dot the i in president. She was only called down for raising her hand too much and trying to give all the answers!

Needless to say, teachers held high expectations for me when I showed up in their classes three years later. “Oh, I had your sister in my class. She was the best student I ever had.” Not fully understanding the expectations that teacher held, I beamed with pride, thinking I was “teacher’s pet” by proxy. This would be good.

By day two in the first grade, I’d gotten over any initial shyness and been labeled a blabbermouth. I beamed with pride and couldn’t wait to share the good news with my parents. It didn’t take them long to straighten me out on that. Just a few days later, I learned Mrs. Crow didn’t approve of my putting my big yellow pencil up my nose. Not only that, she didn’t like me eating school paste. She was offended even after I pointed out it was my paste. It tasted delicious. She also was critical of my penchant for peeling my crayons and chewing the paper wrappers. The unfortunate teacher had difficulty understanding how the model student came from the same family as the one she was currently dealing with. I think the final insult was when I told her “My mother said she wouldn’t take a sick dog to Dr. Pugh. Mrs. Crow had the nerve to tell me I was “sassy, ” and let me know her father was a good doctor!”

I was offended at her attitude and reported back to Mother. Not surprisingly, Mother was horrifically embarrassed and cancelled out on her roommother duties at this Christmas Party Later that week.

I don’t think my brother suffered such high expectations when he entered the first grade three years behind me.